Just for fun, I thought I would see what my most commented stories are. In order, they are:

The dead kid - 12 comments

Malfuntion! - 9 comments

A perfect opportunity - 8 comments

Grasp the sword tightly - 8 comments

A conversation with mother - 8 comments

The saga of E-Girl - 7 comments

A letter from a broken toy - 7 comments

Dear God - 7 comments

Summer Princess - 7 comments

I woke part 1 - 7 comments

and I woke part 6 - 7 comments.

Well, I am in "wait" mode, waiting for wednesday, when I will hopefully hear back from my counsilor's and maybe, just maybe, be able to fast track my transition. I need a back-up plan in case this doesnt work, so I dont get devestated and just give up hope. Still noodling that idea. meanwhile, I am slowly but surely starting to work on my next piece, but it might take a while. Ah, well.

Well, I have some good news. First, I weighed myself today, and I am down to 280 lbs from a high of 310. So thats a start. Also, I got a chance to talk to my counsilor, and she is looking into getting me help to go back to school. If I can, I will be able to get into the fast track in terms of transtioning. Keep a good thought for me, ok?

Well, i managed to shorten my down cycle by completing my latest story. Be a nice trick if i could do that every time. I had a conversation with my brother about my gender struggle, and he is convinced i use it as some kind of escape, probably because of my rape. Ah, well.

Well, I let my family bully me into getting my hair cut. Even my mom, who I thought was on my side, helped, and in fact provided the money. And they used my daughter to push me too. I gave in, and feel rotten about it. I make myself the promice that this is the last time i am letting them run my life.

Well, my writer's block has ended, and I am back to writing again. Glad thats over, whew! I think I will get a hold of the gender specialist next week, if i can. It feels right.

Well, i had a moment at work that reminded me the how powerful a "girl moment" can be. I had been really struggling with depression, and yesterday one of my co-workers (who i have given some of my story) was talking about working at a sexual aide shop, and I asked about shoes, and ended up telling her about the mules I bought. I know its weird, but for just a moment, we were just 2 girls talking, and it toataly lifted my depression. Meanwhile, I am going to be busy for a bit working on my next story. I will check in, but probably wont be on much untill its done.

My sincere apoligies to anyone who was offended by my little essay. (Which, judgeing from the responce, was most people who read it). I hoped to get a conversation going on the subject, and boy, did that succeed, but never meant to hurt anybody's feelings. Right now i am debating trying to reword it better, or maybe just dumping it entirely as a bad job. I will think about it for a couple of days, and then decide.

Well, i am feeling better. Finished beating myself up, and picked myself up and got going again. its a marathon, not a sprint, right? Meanwhile I thought you guys and gals would enjoy a sneak peak at some of my upcomming projects

Comming soon:

Join Walter on his search for The Perfect Excuse

Where little Luke just needs A Little Nudge

Step into Group Therapy

Spend your vacation with A Summer Princess

Jasmine must deal with A 2nd night in a Small Town

A certain wizard's apprentance pays a vist to The Big Mall

Well, I took a plunge yesterday. I finally owned up to the ex what i was feeling and thinking. She is convinced that if i will only pray the right way, allow God to work, that I will be cured of this need to be female. She simply will not listen when I tell her that I have prayed, I have tried, and nothing has changed. So she took me to a friend of hers place, and tried to double team me, but even the friend admitted that they would refuse to hospitilize me to try and cure me of this. The ex wants me to talk to her pastor before taking any steps towards being female, and I said i would.

Well, once again, I am reminded not to make decisions when in the middle of a depressive episode. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to keep writing, I am feeling better emotionally. Besides I have a story to share, and I dont know any group who would "get" it like you guys and gals will, or so I hope.

Well, I just got back from my daughter's 10th birthday party, so I thought I would take a second and introduce her to you all. She is develepmently delayed, mentally and emotionally more like 6 than 10, suffers from ADHD, and her favorite pasttime is climbing her daddy and trying to sit on my head, while trying to convince me to be more like James Bond. She doesnt understand why her dad is so "girly and wierd" (her words), but she does love me anyway.

Well, I thought I would share the story of 2 dances I attended. The first one was in Junior high. A girl talked me into showing up (not as her date, just to go), and I was miserable because I was struggling with shyness, so I did something bad. When the song "3 dressed up as a 9" came on, I found the girl, and said it was her song. (Not nice, I know) But she topped me in the nasty department the next day, when she began to spread the rumor I had danced with a boy and had wore a dress.

Well, I found a place to be dorothy. After my 2nd class in career planning, I went to my local pride center. I was only hoped to find a list of TG friendly businesses that I could leave a resume with, but I also found out they have a weekly meeting Sunday night, and TG are invited, so I am going as dorothy. Then, to cellebrate, I went to my local mall, and visited a middle-to-high end department store, looking for a new skirt.

Well, I am trying to keep positive despite my setbacks. I had my counsiling, and felt very encouraged by my progress in dealing with my rape, as is my counsilor. Now, if I could just find a job, preferably one that will let me transition, things will be great. Meanwhile, I figured I needed a little pick-up, and bought some doller-store panties, and plan to eliminate my male underwear, except maybe a single pair in case I am going swimming or something. Its a little thing, and nobody else will even be able to tell, but it made me feel good, so that counts too.