I'm feeling better today, tired and sad but I can see the fading of pain already.

I called the Neptune Society on Saturday and they will make all the arrangements, including a boat for going out into the channel and scattering the ashes. The price is very reasonable, less than $2000, including $600 for the boat with 20 people in the memorial party.

I've asked the doctors to make sure Jeanne is comfortable and not in pain but not to take any heroic measures to extend her life. They are not to discontinue anything they are doing right now, fluids and food and breathing support and pain medications, but no kidney dialysis, no CPR or cardiac electro thereapy.

I went to see Jeanne earlier tonight, I couldn't stay long this time, too painful.

They took the breathing tube out but my love lies there in the bed looking as if she's lost her way. She doesn't speak but she will nod after a bit when asked if she'd like to watch Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country, rather than the baseball game someone had tuned her tv to.

They had planned to take the ventilator tube out tonight but her ascites is so bad they were afraid she would have trouble breathing in the night, so they didn't. Since she is conscious and aware now, this annoyed her mightily and they finally gave her something to 'help' her sleep so she would quit trying to get them to take the tube out.

I woke up having a strange dream, that Jeanne had called me. In the dream she told me that she had it from good authority that it was time for her to check-out. I didn't know what she meant, that phrase could be ambiguous.