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Death in Venice beach
He was done. He went out at his best.
Time is the longest distance to your destination.
Still, I can't help feeling sorry for him.
He had just started to live.
A Creature of Habit
Now you've done it. You've exposed your soft underbelly.
In the future, when you post your normal succinct gem, we're going to flip you over and tickle you until you give us the full story.
I'm often called upon to beta read. In the case of your story I made only a very few suggestions that "Americanized" it.
You took a risk that was beyond me, and it worked.
Congratulations.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Hey, I'M the one doing the flipping and twisting (normally)
The open endings of my usual stories are quite deliberate. I want you to use your imagination. One of the comments I have appreciated most was on one installment in my cereal. That comment highlighted the poster's use of her own imagination when nibbling at the very small helpings of cereal.
This story was interesting to write. It certainly was very different from what I usually write. I was uncertain whether the structure would work. I think it does. Of course that is a matter of opinion. Nonetheless, the rather special format means that it's unlikely to be a popular story . Oh well. I can live with that :)
I'm sorry I forgot to credit Jill for her help in the posting and not only in the pre-announcement blog.
I am glad that the Old Man
did get to live well at the end. He saw the joy in just being there in the moment. A lot of us never get to that point. I am glad you were able to construct a good ending for him too Bru. I think he will have a good memory to take with him when he reincarnates. You just know he will. :)
Sephrena
Good Karma?
Probably.
Doing good quietly is often overlooked.
Definitely perfect story
And undoubtedly a very Bruish one. One thing is unexpected — happy end a la Hugo style. But it's just a part of the story being Bruish.
I had my doubts
Since I considered it to be so different from what I have posted earlier. Viewed from another angle the perception may be different, or rather not so different.
I'm humbled by your comment.
A Gem
And I’m familiar with the original Thomas Mann short story. One of my favourite authors, read a lot of his novels in German at school and university. You stayed faithful to the themes, albeit without the Venetian mists.
And despite it being considerably longer than an Adagio, it was a triumph. Beautifully done.
☠️
Highly appreciated comment
I don't try to hide the inspiration. The slowness of the 1971 film also figured in my mind.
However, I hope that from the inspiration I made this into something uniquely mine.
You Didn't Know It
But I think you almost wrote this for me. That quiet daily routine, although I don't have the beach, but getting to know the locals and enjoying the atmosphere and the scenery.
The way you wrote it was almost hypnotic and made it easy to read. That was masterly.
Congratulations, Bru.
No, I didn't write it for you ;)
But only because I had no idea about your situation.
Right, now find yourself an Indian restaurant ...
It was an experiment. I wanted to write something different from what I usually write both in content and style.
I did not expect most people to like it. Some did.
Depressing
Sorry, this story was really depressing. Even during the happy daytimes, I still got a sense of the doldrums.
The Old Man didn't seem to have a sense of cleaning his clothes. At some point, they would begin to smell, as would his favorite/only dress.
Most of the end didn't surprise me. Definitely not his death. Only the message from his son. He wasted almost an entire lifetime with his children. At least he stayed busy as a car mechanic.
This took a long time to read. I have to admit that I've been caught up in the doldrums myself the past few days.
-- Daphne Xu
Ah, you spotted the weak point in the story
I should have included the mention of the extra set(s) of clothing.
As for depressing. I didn't really set out to write a depressing story but I did write a sad story which may come out as the same thing.
As mentioned earlier this is not like my earlier stories. I wanted to try something else.
I apologize for wasting your time and making you more depressed. Sorry.
What was so special about August 6th?
I have to know!!!
Why did he wear garter belt and purple stockings on August 6?
Love your stories Bru
Hugs
Loretta
Tempus fugit
I started wrting this story some years ago. The truth is that I can't remember why I included that passage.
So if we stray away from the truth, as is done so often nowadays, I can invent a reason: The anniversary of the misscarriage.
Hahahahaha!
And I was looking for more subtle variations...
I promise you I read every word :-)
You most certainly do
Reading every word is normally a good idea when it comes to my stories.
Perhaps less this time, even if you found this little nugget hidden :)
Angel Death
Humm, a very melancholy tale blended in with serendipity overlaying cover? Personally I'm not sure what to make of it even knowing the person who wrote it. Usually it's real easy to tie the author to the story, the author the mold, the story the finished product. This one I can't for this present timeline. Only by traveling back into the past is it possible.
Hugs Bru,
Barb
Things are getting hotter than a two dollar Saturday Night Special. Keep your mind on the byplay the main stream media isn't reporting and stay safe.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
I did warn you
This story is somewhat different from my usual. I'm not sure timetravelling will help you in this case. Of course to be able to travel in time could have so many interesting and terrifying consequences.
'
The Universe
What would happen to the Universe if you exist if and only if you don't exist.
-- Daphne Xu
Changing the Future
Hugs Daphne how you doing sugar? Let's start with the past. I'll waffle on that one as I think the past has been cast and no longer pliable or set in stone so to speak, regulated to history and memory.
If one is familiar with precognition then the idea is the future has been seen of what will be or what is coming at us. I'm not here to debate if the future can be changed as a malleable thing we may change or mold. Deja vu is seeing the future in a dream. Possibly thinking it's only a dream and yet experiencing it later in life, hours, days, possibly years after the dream. Yet, remembering what happens in the dream one doesn't follow through with the full actions repeating the dream. The future changes a little or possibly a lot depending on how important the event was in the timeline.
I double dog dare you to tell me this hasn't happened to you. When it did was your future changed? Or did you coast through it thinking, "Wow, I remember this giving it no more thought."
Hugs Daphne
Barb
The things most can't or won't believe are regulated to the "impossible" status. The world is flat, no one has walked on the moon, steel can't float...,
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
My future is history
In more ways than one. I'm currently taking some history courses at university.
A different Bru
But still enjoyable. I was surprised that I didn't want to skip the repetitive parts, and delighted in the little variations when they occurred.
The title kind of hinted that our Old Man wasn't going home. It was nice that he went out with a little good in his life, sad that it took so long.
I hope that we can take something from his delight in the apparent mundane around us - but not let our world stagnate.
Teri Ann
"Reach for the sun."
I'm pleased that you ejoyed the format after all
This was a "high risk" experiment. I thought it would be interesting to write something like this. I did shorten it considerably from the original idea (fortunately). I did not expect most people to like it. I'm pleased some did.
Yes, this is a sad story. Apart from the length, another contrast to most of my stories. I thought the pace and sadness fitted each other.
One could wish that the Old Man had had a better life. Unfortuately that is not how the world always is. Even if I do my best to give another impression in my usual stories.
Didn't quite work for me ...
The enormous amount of near-repetition ... not for me ... as a very-speed-reader I skipped and (probably) missed some key phrases. The Boy only being explained at the very end ... didn't fit tidily;
nor, really, did the sudden arrival of Sanjay as a cross-dresser.
Having the Old Man get a good ending made it pretty much worthwhile. And quite sad.
Thanks
Not surprised
I had expected most readers not to like it. I agree the story is not suitable for speedreading.
However, it was interesting to write.
Human beings
A Franciscan mystic frequently scolds that we are human beings, not human doings. Often, we get so wrapped up in our activities that we let them define us. The Old Man had reached the point where he did virtually nothing, but simply being was sufficient.
It was sad, yes. But how much sadder would his death have been, had it occurred some night at an assisted living facility in Omaha?
— Emma
Still hurts too much
Even six years later. I will not comment further.
Definitely a change from your usual format
I can't lie I did skip ahead on the repetitive parts. Keep them coming bru.
What! Here I finally write a long story and you skip parts :)
I don't blame you.
Great story!
I am not a writer so I don’t really analyse very much, but a can say that I really enjoyed this story for its novelty. I think I like good solos more than long serials as they too often lose the novelty of the story after a few episodes. Thanks for being You.
Glenda Ericsson
It takes great skill
to write long serials without losing pace. I admire those who can do it.
I stick to solos, well if you exclude my cereal.
Unusual Format
But another tour de force by Bru. While longer than your usual works, the sheer repetition added to the mystique of this piece. I had to work to ensure I read each word, figuring you would try to slip something by me. I caught the purple panties and carefully noted the change of drivers provided by Mr Gupta, etc. To be honest, despite the title, the death of the Old Man surprised me; I was expecting him to appear to die but live on as the Old Lady, so that was indeed a Bru twist. It was fascinating to read the Old Man's remembrances each night (I could use a couple fingers of scotch myself now to ease this persistent cough so I too could sleep like a baby). Despite the lateness, I liked the message from the sons, though it was so necessary for the Old Man to know he should no longer just be.
Well done.
>>> Kay
Different in so many ways and yet
I intended the story to be different in so many ways. Length, pace, tone ...
Still many people claim that it is a very Bruish story.
Oh, well.
Thank you for your detailed comment.
delayed
I delayed reading this because I wanted time to do it in one sitting. I'm glad I did because I think that doing that made me see the similarity to a musical composition with it's continuous variations on a single theme. I enjoyed it both as a literary experiment and in the end as a story.
Reading in one sitting recommended
I'm grateful you took your time to have time to read it in one sitting. In my opinion the story will have a much lesser effect if the reading is broken up. This is also the reason why I posted it as a solo.
As I have stated before this was an experiment. It was interesting to write but I'm unlikely to do anything like this again.