By Iona Laing

Chapter Thirteen – Family Conference.

(Jennifer.)

It was a quiet journey home from the hospital, I don’t think either of us could get past the similarity between Julia and a young Jessie.

Jeff kissed me after locking up and quietly went up to bed, but I couldn’t settle so I sat in the kitchen nursing a cup of tea while I got my thoughts into some sort of order.

Did Jessie appreciate just what she was going to be committing herself to?

Was her heart overriding her head?

Just what would Jessie fostering Julia mean for the rest of our family?

The more I thought about Julia, the more I wondered how I could I bear it if Jessie were unsuccessful in her attempt to offer her a home, could I bear the thought of Julia going back into care?

Also, worryingly, was Jessie’s health going to have an impact on her ability to care for Julia?

What was up with her low sats?

As all these thoughts were revolving around in my brain, I felt hands gently laid on my shoulder, I nearly dropped my mug as I hadn’t heard Jenna come down the stairs nor come up behind me!

“Shit, . . . Bloody hell Jenna, you made me jump!”

“Sorry Mum, didn’t mean to, and language! I take it you can’t sleep either. What did you think of Julia?”

“My mind is spinning so quickly Jenna, I can barely keep up! She’s a damaged soul who has had so much crap piled on her it breaks my heart! I am worried about her, and I am worried about your sister too, when we left, they were both on oxygen as neither of them had great sats!”

“Shit!” muttered Jenna as she was making her own cup of tea.

“Exactly!

I am worried about the pair of them, but to see them together was a humbling experience. Your sister was like a mother hen, and Julia is just besotted with Jessie. It was a mother, daughter relationship, pure and simple.

If they won’t grant Jess temporary custody of Julia, it will likely destroy part of both of them. You know how single-minded Jess can be when she has set her sights on something, she gets tunnel vision.”

“I know Mum, I know.”

“We both realise the crap Jess had to survive when she was growing up has given her a steely resolve to get to where she wants and sod the consequences.

I am worried that Social Services may try to stop her from fostering Julia, then Jess will get angry and potentially make things even more difficult. I know she knows how to play the system. But I am worried that she’ll get her blinkers on and burn bridges before she realises, she’s done it.”

“I take it you two couldn’t sleep either?” said Jeff as he entered the kitchen and slumped into a chair.

“No, so, what do you think of the nights events Dad?”

“I don’t know what to make of things Jenna.

I admit to being shook to my core when I saw Julia. It was like looking back through a time machine, she reminded me of Jessie at that age, same ill pallor, the same big dark eyes, the same grim determination to survive despite everything life throws at her. . . . “

I looked at Jeff and saw he was glassy eyed.

“I am frightened for the pair of them.

Jessie was like a mum, she fussed, she hovered, she did everything she could possibly do.

But then to hear Jessies sats were low was a real kick in my ribs. Julia really thinks Jessie is the best thing to ever enter her life, and sadly, that is likely true enough.

How anyone can be so callous as do abandon her like they did makes my blood boil. Then, when Lorna called us back to see the two of them cuddled up, both fast asleep, both on oxygen, both looking angelic, I nearly cried my eyes out there and then.

We have to find a way to help Jessie ensure Julia’s wellbeing, I just don’t know how. Give me a broken engine and I am in my element, but this care system, I wouldn’t know where to start!”

“I feel the same Jeff, it tore at my soul to see the two of them cuddled up in bed together. There is a famous painting called “The Murder of the Prince’s”, it’s about the missing Princes in the tower, the murdered son’s of Edward IV by James Northcote” and the way Julia and Jessie were sleeping, they had the same peaceful expressions, wrapped in each other’s arms. It was spooky the similarity.

I suppose the powers that be could use that against Jessie saying she is too involved with Julia to make a rational decision. Tell me Jenna, who is this Karen Jessie mentioned earlier?”

“She’s the hospital Social Services co-ordinator. She is likely to be the person charged with finding somewhere to place Julia. Especially being as she’s been dumped back into the system with no warning, it will be the usual N.H.S. cry of getting people out of expensive hospital beds and somewhere else, so the costs for that individual, Julia in this case, is a drain on someone else’s budget.

They’ll also cite bed blocking as an excuse to move people on. It’s a cruel system, but it is what we have to work with at the moment!”

“I expect Jessie is aiming to get to Karen first thing in the morning to stake her claim to being an emergency foster carer for Julia.”

“Yes Mum, knowing Jessie, she’ll be camped outside Karen’s office waiting to get at her before Karen has had chance to take her coat off!”

“So, a bit of diplomacy might be beneficial in this situation?”

“Undoubtedly, don’t get me wrong, Jessie knows the system probably better than I do, but, as we all know how stubborn and bloody minded she gets, particularly if she doesn’t get a favourable response, then I am afraid her maternal instincts will kick in, and a “mother bear protecting her cub” syndrome will not help the situation!”

“Just as I thought! Jeff, I will be a little late getting into the office in the morning, I have a feeling I will be of more use elsewhere at eight o’clock!”

“That’s okay love, I’ll leave a message with Jeff and Jason that we’ll both be late due to unforeseen circumstances.”

Jenna looked at the two of us with a sly smile.

“You two are amazing parents, you know that?

I’ll let Jessie know when I get back on the ward in, . . blimey, four hours, that she can expect reinforcements!”

“Don’t do that Jenna, let it be a surprise, less time for her to feel guilty she’s kept us away from work, we’ll catch her before she gets at Karen!”

“Okay, will do, now that’s settled I shall go and see if I can get a least a couple of hours sleep in, I was desperately trying to work out how I could finagle the time off the ward to go with her to see Karen, now I don’t need to as the cavalry are turning up, mob handed!

I really love you two you know, and Jessie does too!”

With that she gave us both a quick kiss and went back to bed. Jeff and I spent another hour or so talking over how best we could help both Jessie and Julia.

Chapter Fourteen – First efforts at gaining custody.

(Jessie.)

When I woke up my left arm was numb from Julia lying on it, I noticed it was almost six thirty and Jenna would come on shift with her day crew at seven but given how disturbed Julia’s night had been I decided to leave off waking her for the time being.

I must have dozed off as the next thing I knew was the sound of a camera or two clicking away amid a series of muffled laughs from the doorway, as well as one from my shoulder. I opened my eyes and groaned, there stood Jenna and two of her nurses, all with their phones out taking Julia and my photographs.

I was spluttering in indignation, but Julia was almost in hysterics. I felt my face twitch and before too long I too was laughing.

“Come on Julia, budge up, I need the loo before I wet myself”

“Oh no you don’t, you stay there until I can check your sats, yours too Julia!” scolded Jenna.

Fortunately, we were both in what was classed as normal, i.e. ninety five to one hundred percent saturation. So, we both quickly made it to the loo, but not until I had run the gauntlet of “Nice Jammies Jessie, and Oh, look, another Disney princess fanatic!”

“I’ll kill you for this Jenna!” I mumbled under my breath.

“I think they are very pretty pyjama’s Jessie, I wish I had something nice like those, all I have are cheap stuff from the Supermarkets or Primark, and those are hand me downs. I think they make you look even prettier than you already are.” stated Julia with some determination.

“Thank you sweetie, now, you sit in bed and watch the tele while I have a quick shower, then I’ll help you get ready for the day.”

It didn’t take long to get us both washed and dressed, then I got some breakfast into Julia.

“What are you having for your breakfast Jessie? You can have some of mine!” asked Julia proffering me her bowl.

“Well you see sweetie, I am going to have to leave you here in your room for a short while, I have a meeting I have to go to at eight o’clock, so I’ll get myself something from the cafeteria on my way, then, after my meeting I’ll be back here, in the meantime Jenna and her nurses will all keep an eye on you, but I need you to be a good girl for me, okay?”

“But you are coming back, aren’t you?” Julia asked a little fearfully.

I took her hands in mine. “I will be back as quickly as I can.”

“Promise?”

“Yes Julia, I promise I will be back as soon as I can, here, give me your pinkie finger, . . right, I promise you I will be back as soon as I can. Now let me put my face on, I need to make a good impression this morning!”

Julia chuckled, “Put you face on! You’ve already got it on silly!”

“I mean putting on my make-up, I need to look my best for this meeting this morning!”

“Who’s your meeting with that it’s so important?”

“It’s with a lady I know that I want to do me a great big special favour, so, I want to look my best and not look like I have slept most of the night away in a hospital chair with a big lump in my lap!”

“Sorry Jessie!”

“What are you sorry for Julia, you’ve done nothing wrong!”

“But if I hadn’t been such a baby and needed you so much, you could have got a proper night’s sleep in your own bed ready for your important meeting this morning, I hope you don’t get into any trouble because of me!”

“Listen Julia, nothing is more important to me than you, so don’t worry, I just need you to relax and get over this latest setback with your asthma, what will be, will be, so just rest up, do as you’re told and I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay?” Julia nodded, I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and left her to watch some old Looney Tunes© cartoons that I loved as a kid. Wile E Coyote© falling off a cliff never grows old. I Love to draw and would have loved to have left a legacy of fun and laughter as the great Charles Jones, but such is life.

I made my way to the cafeteria, picked up a Danish pastry and an expresso, I definitely needed the caffeine this morning. I turned to leave and bumped straight into the solid bulk that was my father.

“Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was go . . . Dad, . . . Mum, what are you two doing here this time of the morning? What are you doing here any time of the day come to think of it? Listen, my sats were okay when Jenna checked them this morning, so there is no need to worry, I am fine, really, I am.”

“We’re sure you are fine Jessie, I doubt Jenna would have let you off the oxygen if you weren’t. No Jessie, we are here to provide what help and reassurance you may need in your meeting with Karen this morning!”

“You’ve come all this way, to help me, and Julia this morning, wow, but what about work?”

“Your father has already spoken to Jeff and Jason and told them we’ll be a bit late getting in!”

“But, . . but I know important the business is to the pair of you, don’t get me wrong, I am blown away that you are here for Julia and me.”

“Family will always be more important than the business, without any shadow of a doubt!” My father said with one hand on my shoulder, I rested my cheek on his huge hand.

“Now missy, sit yourself down, eat your Danish, although I wish you’d have chosen a more substantial breakfast, and an expresso? Honestly Jessie, you worry me, you really do!”

“But Mum!”

“No but Mum me, sit, eat, or do I have to force feed you?”

“But Mum, I have to get to Karen’s office!”

“Jessie, a few minutes either way will not make much difference to your request now, will it?”

“No Mum, I suppose you’re right!”

So, we sat and spoke for a few minutes before we headed off to see Karen, and the sense of impending doom seemed to grow in my insides the closer we got to her office.

We got to the Social Services department, I knocked and went in to find the place was as expected, frantic with activity even this early in the workday, but no sign of Karen at her desk.

Lorraine, one of the other social workers said that Karen had just rushed off to see to an emergency client, but she’d be back shortly, and we could wait if we wanted. So, we sat and twiddled our thumbs, Lorraine called out that Karen was aware we were waiting to see her, and she was on her way back.

Ten minutes later Karen bustled into the office, she looked harassed, with her half-moon glasses hanging from a gold chain around her neck and a pen jammed into her tightly curled hair behind her left ear. She sat at her desk and took a gulp of her obviously cold coffee. Then she stared at me.

“Well Jessie, I haven’t seen you for a while! How are you doing? To what do I owe this visit? It seems you have brought re-enforcements with you, should I be worried?”

“Sorry Karen, this is Jeffrey and Jennifer Jones, also known as my mum and dad, and I’m not one hundred percent sure why they turned up this morning, but never mind, Mum, Dad, this is Karen Haste, who is the main children’s Social Worker for this hospital!”

They exchanged greetings. Karen’s phone rang and she sked Lorraine to take a message and she’d get back to whoever it was shortly.

“Okay Jessie, fire away, what can I do for you?”

“Well Karen, it concerns Julia Jennings up on ward seventeen, the children’s Acute Medical Assessment ward, I wanted to know how difficult it would be for me to become Julia’s temporary emergency foster parent. I know I am single and barely over the minimum age to be a foster carer, but she has struck a nerve with me, and I can’t stand by and do nothing to help her!”

Karen put her half-moon spectacles on her nose, pulled out a fairly thick manilla file which she perused, before sitting back in her chair and studying me with her fingers of both hands interlocked and her thumbs rotating in circles around each other.

“I see Jessie, and how long do you envisage this temporary arrangement to last?”

“Well, Karen, I know it is in your purview to grant orders anywhere from two weeks to two years, I would like it to be as long as possible, depending on both her and I being happy with each other. I know she’s been dumped in your lap unannounced and so close to Christmas too, I expect you’ll be struggling to find somewhere prepared to cope with her health complications, but I am ready to offer her somewhere warm, somewhere safe, somewhere stable, and somewhere where she will be loved.”

“Karen gave me a long look again.

Tell me Jessie, you are a single young woman, yes?”

“That’s right, I’m single with no romantic entanglements!”

“Hmmm, you do realise that being in effect a young, single mum, will not make any social situations easy, you won’t be able to go off drinking and clubbing at the drop of a hat!”

“With respect Karen, I have thought this through, yes, I am young, single, and yes Julia will radically impact my life, I won’t be able to go gadding about like a lot of people my age, but then, I don’t do that anyway. I feel Julia will enhance my life in more ways than she will adversely affect it!” I felt my mother put her hand on my arm and gently squeeze it.

“What about all her health restrictions?”

“What about them?”

“How will you cope with a youngster with severe respiratory problems, plus her dietary restrictions, her lack of social interaction with others, I have just been up to see her, and she barely said two words to me the whole time I was there!”

I was getting more than a little snarky. My mothers grip tightened even more.

“Karen, I know more than most what living with a sick child entails! I was born four weeks prematurely and I have had respiratory problems all my life, plus I have had other significant ailments requiring surgery, so, I know first-hand what being a sick child feels like, I also observed from my parents and other family members what caring for such a child costs in terms of the love, devotion and commitment it takes, I spent a good chunk of my younger life in this very hospital.

Observing everything I went through led my sister into a career in nursing and me into my position as a play specialist, trying to help sick kids cope with the fear being in a place like this causes. Julia didn’t ask to be abandoned with the health problems she has, but that doesn’t mean people should not come forward to help her out of the crap that is her life, I want to be that person!”

Karen smiled at me.

“Relax Jessie, I just wanted to push you to see how hard you had actually thought this whole situation through, honestly, I am impressed you are so willing to not only talk the talk, but walk the walk too, or whatever the saying is.

So, Mum, Dad, what do you think of your daughters hairbrained scheme?”

Mum relaxed her grip.

“When Jessie first proposed this idea, I was more than a little surprised.

I know Jess has dealt with some heartbreaking and traumatic experiences in her time at the hospital. But Julia has struck a raw nerve with her.

Jess has had to fight her entire life, with her health limitations, with others abuse and teasing, even a violent assault that nearly killed her, but I am so proud of her, she never backed down, she never gave in, she has a heart of gold and a backbone of steel. I have learned that when she says she’s going to do something then I know she will do it to the absolute best of her ability.”

“Dad?”

“I agree, we have five children, and we love them equally, we’re proud of their achievements, but of the five Jess has had the hardest life of them all.

I cannot emphasise just how proud we are of her and the battles she has fought. She see’s a kindred spirit in Julia, and to be honest, we do too. We saw Julia fleetingly last night and it shocked the pair of us how much Julia resembled Jess at that age. So, you could say, we’ve all been there, we’ve got the ‘t’ shirt, we know what to expect, we’re not novices at this!”

“And what will your other children think of Jessie becoming a foster parent?”

“Will they be initially surprised, yes, obviously, but they will back Jessie one hundred percent, absolutely. We already have four grandchildren, one more will just slot right in, no worries!”

“Okay Jessie, if I grant your request and get you accepted as a foster parent for Julia, where do you see this going? Assuming she’s with you for two weeks, two months or the full two years, what do you envisage will happen in this time?”

“Well Karen, if we are both happy with each other, and both she and my family get on, then I hope that, well before the two years are up that she would have become my daughter legally and I would have adopted her, Julia told me that she doesn’t know her father and that her mother is dead but I don’t know if that is true”

“Sadly Jess, that is correct. Her birth certificate is blank as to the fathers’ details. Her mother had developed substance abuse problems, which in turn may have contributed to Julia suffering the ailments she does. Her mother died about eighteen months or so ago from a drugs overdose. Julia’s mothers’ parents know of her existence but want nothing to do with her. They belong to some religious sect and disowned their daughter when she fell pregnant. They disowned their daughter and their grandchild too, in fact we were told if we ever contacted them again, we would face legal action for harassment. So, Julia, through no fault of her own is all alone in the world.

She has been passed from pillar to post but with no constancy in her life. In fact, before you came to see me, the nearest placement I could find for her was over one hundred and twenty miles away. Not that that means a lot to Julia, as she barely knows anyone that well around here.

Now Jess, what about you? What about your dreams and aspirations, what about having a family of your own, getting married, giving birth to your own baby? Where does Julia fit in with your plans?”

“Karen, I don’t really have any dreams like that. Look, I was born intersexed, and although I am genetically, anatomically female and quite capable of having my own children, I fear most men will run a mile rather than be associated with someone like me. If I did meet someone but they were not prepared to accept Julia as part of the package, then that would be that, the relationship would be dead and buried.

Before you ask, no, this isn’t me using Julia as a surrogate child either, I wouldn’t do that, I just see someone who is so like I was, it is scary. I was lucky to have a family that loved me and stood by me; I want to be that family for Julia.

So Karen, I have laid my cards out on the table, what are the chances of me being given responsibility for Julia?”

“Well Jess, ordinarily I would say okay, thank you for your kind offer, now go away, think about it some more, then come back and see me next week. Sadly, in Julia’s case we don’t have the luxury of that much time. And knowing of you, your sister and now meeting your parents I can tell you have the support you will need. It won’t be plain sailing for either you or Julia, I am warning you there will be ups and downs, but then that is true if you had given birth to Julia yourself. So, I shall run it past my boss, but unless something miraculous happens between now and lunchtime I think we’ll get you to sign the paperwork to get you registered as Julia’s parent.

But, Jessie, please love, don’t give up on the rest of the human race, I am sure you will find someone who will make you happy and accept Julia as part of their family unit too. Leave me your mobile details and I’ll ring you shortly, okay?”

“Thank you Karen, I have been so stressed over this meeting since first deciding to seek to care for Julia, I shall wait for your call.” I shook her hand and gave her a heartfelt hug and the three of us left her office.

Once out in the corridor I collapsed in my mother’s arms and cried my eyes out, I should have known wearing mascara was a mistake, as both of us looked like pandas!

“Come on love, lets nip in the ladies and sort our faces out, then we’ll go back to the cafeteria and get something more substantial into you before you go back to the ward.”

Eventually Mum and dad went off to work with me promising to ring them as soon as I knew anything.

I made it to the ward, to see Jenna flying past to see to a patient, she gave me a questioning glance, I rocked my hands from side to side to signify things were “so, so” then I held up both hands with my fingers crossed. I then went into Julia’s room; to find she was free from the oxygen mask although it was draped over the bed head.

“Jessie, you came back!” she hugged me tightly.

“I promised you I would didn’t I, and I told you I always keep my promises, so here I am! So, no oxygen mask now?”

“No, Jen said she wanted to see how my sats were by myself, she’s nice, I like her, she explains stuff so I can understand! Come sit by me Jessie and I can read to you. Jessie, are you sad, you’ve been crying!”

“I am fine Julia, what makes you think I have been crying?”

Julia carefully studied my face.

“Well, your make-up is different to when you left here earlier this morning, your eyes are red and puffy, and you have little drops of make-up on your blouse!”

I laughed, “I can’t get anything past you, can I? They were tears of relief and hope Julia, but I’ll tell you more a bit later, now what’s this book?”

“I don’t know, other than it was ordered from the library by Jen, she said it was one of your favourites when you were my age, it’s called “S, s, swallows and Ama, ama, amazons” all I know it’s about boats and children, I thought it was about birds and parcels to start with, but Jenna said I would like it, was it really one of your favourites?”

“I loved all these books Julia, I still have the full set at home. There’s a whole series by the same author, Arthur Ransome, using most of the same characters. Like you, I spent a lot of time in hospital, and I used to dream of being well enough to do the same things the children in the books did. Come on then, let’s get comfy, and you can read to me!”

I spent the rest of the morning with Julia and some of the other kids keeping them, and myself occupied, then after lunch they settled down for a short nap. I fiddled with my phone willing it to ring, and at the same time dreading when it would.

Julia wanted to read more of the book, then two chapters later, my phone went, when I saw the caller I.D. I was nearly sick with nerves!