CHAPTER 10
“To be honest, no”

“I am sorry?”

“Doctor Kumar, this is something I have known almost all my life, and what I feel like is what I believe I am, which is just another woman. That’s all”

“Ellie, I do believe it is my job to be pedantic, not yours”

“Well, I have had a bit of a full few days, Doctor, so maybe feeling a little frisky”

“Then frisk yourself to the surgery over the next two days for those bloods”

We rattled through some other health stuff, including my weight loss, which brought some sharp comments.

“There are easier ways to reduce body fat, Mizz Ellison. Do not trust the words of now deceased duchesses”

I had to laugh at that sally, as it brought back memories of Carly’s rather sharper rebuke.

“What amused you, Ellie?”

“Someone I met in Australia, Doctor. I came out with the ‘too rich, too thin’ line, and she said it rather more pithily, ‘bugger what that Nazi cow said’, if you pardon my French”

“I do believe I share the same sentiments as your friend, Ellie. Now, a few more questions…”

I hung up a few minutes later, my bloodsucking arranged for the Tuesday morning. Mary was looking at me expectantly, so I gave her an edited summary.

“Seems like everyone already knew. He’s still unhappy about the off-prescription stuff, but recognises that it’s where I am, so going to do his best, as he sees it, to minimise harm. Sort of carry on carrying on, love”

“I’m back at school on Tuesday. Can’t give you a lift”

“I can ride. Bit of an understatement, that. Anyway, got work in my inbox, so I need to actually get down to doing some of that mortgage-paying you mentioned”

“I’ll sort the kettle, then”

It felt almost normal, sitting at our dining table in a skirt working through asset depreciation schedules until my eyes felt like they were bleeding. The case I was handling was also partially exempt for VAT, so there wasn’t just a shitload of apportionment to do but also an even bigger shitload of correspondence from the client. That fell into two categories, the first being a long list of arguments as to why everything except earnings should go down to the taxable side so that it could be claimed back. The second group was worse, however, for it mostly consisted of ‘I have a cunning plan’. While I ignored every single plea or suggestion, I still had to read the stuff. Life was easier RFO.

My first inkling that I had perhaps overdone it was when Mary bent over me, pointing at my screen.

“All that work saved?”

I tapped the necessary keys and clicked the mouse.

“It is now”

“Put it away, then. Dinner’s ready”

The aroma hit my nostrils: roast chicken, and it was already plated up.

“What time is it?”

“Nearly six”

“Bloody hell!”

“Yeah. Stimulating company, you are”

“Sorry”

“Never mind”

I pushed my closed laptop to the centre of the table, and she set down our plates. For a few moments, there was no sound except for the clink of cutlery, and then she set down her knife.

“Ellie?”

“Yeah?”

“Was that what it was like for you? On the bike?”

“You mean zoning out? Sort of. You can get very lost in your own head sometimes. Put the world to rights, daydream… Sometimes I make up games to play, counting things. Other times I’d sing”

“You can’t sing. I’ve heard you”

“Yes, but there’s nobody there to hear me, is there? Especially on those Aussie roads. Anyway, I can never remember the words, so I just sing the same thing over and over again”

I found myself laughing at the memory.

“Sometimes, I’d just make up words as I went along. Usually a bit rude. I remember two days when I sang ‘Waltzing Matilda’, except my words were ‘Smelling the roadkill’. Got in the line ‘And she sang as she rode and she watched marsupials putrefy’; I was quite proud of that one. Er, probably not best over dinner”

“She”

“Yes, love. Sort of the whole point”

“I realise. I… We need to see if we can do something similar to that talk with Jacky, just with your Australian friend”

“Carly?”

“If that’s her name, yes. If I am coming with you on this journey, I need to do it all the way”

I couldn’t argue with that one. Once we had finished our meal, I sent Carly a mail.

Six days later, we logged in to find a manically grinning Aussie woman almost climbing through the screen.

“Ellie, mate! Putting the kilos back on yet? Pizza helps, and so does beer!”

“Doing my best, woman. Bit cooler here, so I need the insulation. Say hello to the wife, Mary”

“Hiya, Mary! You looking after this idiot woman?”

My wife was obviously a little stunned, perhaps by the ‘woman’ business, so I did my best to move things along.

“Mary’s a teacher, Carly. New term’s just started, so she has more on her plate than me”

“Not bloody teenagers?”

I let Mary answer for herself.

“Unfortunately. Thirteen and up”

“Oh god”

My friend paused, before adding, “So you’ll be used to bloody mood swings, then?”

The target was clearly me, but I let it slide past by changing the subject.

“We had a chat with Jacky the other day, mate”

“Yeah, she said. What are you thinking about this Jerome? We need to sort some common ground for her, ey?”

Mary put a finger to my lips.

“Carly?”

“Yes, love?”

“Thank you. That just answered all the questions I might have had”

“Ey?”

“Worried about a friend, and sharing it, girl”

“Oh. What did you advise?”

I answered for us.

“Trust her big sis, ey? And Mary here used bloody game theory”

“Both will lose, or both might win shit?”

“Exactly”

Carly laughed happily.

“I think I am going to like you, Mary! Then again, you come with Ellie’s recommendation, so that’s a bloody good start. Anyway, they are both coming over, that’s both if it is still working out, for Spring next year. You up for that?”

I looked at my wife, who asked the most obvious of questions.

“Lost here, Carly. When do you mean?”

“Oh, October or November or so next year. Not as stupid bloody hot as Ellie rode through”

Mary looked at me, and I could read her mind. It wasn’t just the cost, but the simple fact of travelling with me as I would be from now on. Nowhere to hide, no handy exit to duck out of if courage failed: could she cope?

Mary gave her own answer.

“Term time will limit me, Carly”

Translation: I really don’t know.

We finished the call off with the predictable cooing over my photos, one of which puzzled Carly.

“What the hell is that, Ellie?”

“It was on the ride from Albany to Esperance. Wanted to get one of those shots of a long straight road going off to the vanishing point, so stopped in a layby and waited for traffic to clear so I could stand in the middle of the road”

“Bloody little traffic RFO, woman!”

“Yeah, but what there is can be big. Hang on; this is what someone on my cycle forum calls a ‘zen road’.

An arrow-straight road, undulating slightly between low scrub under a washed-out blue sky, hitting its vanishing point somewhere beyond dreams.

“Bloody good pic that, Ellie!”

“Thanks. I was quite pleased at how it came out”

I switched to another shot, of something vaguely green and clearly shrivelled.

“It was a cactus, and it was wilting in the heat. No way was I sparing any of my water, though”

“You are not exactly selling the cycling, girl”

To my surprise, Mary actually laughed.

“Carly, the weather here is bloody cold and wet, and we’ve just had two friends around who were out camping in it. Cycle camping”

“Riiiight… Ellie?”

“Yeah?”

“You mentioned a friend, went on a tour, came back hitched. Um… Sandy? This be them?”

“You have a bloody good memory, Carly”

“Bloody have to in this job, woman”

“Yes, it was Sandy, and her husband Greg. We…”

I paused to gather my thoughts, then tried once again.

“Trying to sort work out, Mary and me. Boss is being very supportive, and colleagues seem sort of okay, but I know I have a couple of potential problems. Sandy and Greg were in the area, as Mary said, so they came along as a sort of moral support. Immoral, I suppose, cause we used them as sneaky listeners. Gave us a bit of heads up we’d have missed otherwise”

“Right. So, well, what they call the crunchy question, ey? Where are you two going? Sorry to be so blunt, but I have been bloody worried about you, Ellie, and, well, Mary? Met you now; puts a face to things. So, you as well. Worried about, I mean”

I looked at my wife, who simply drooped slightly.

“That phrase, once again: keep on keeping on. This is… new isn’t the word. Awkward fits better. We said it all the other day, though: I picked this ma--- I picked this person to marry. They picked me. I really believe we made the right choice, for the right reasons, and that hasn’t changed. So…”

Once again, she burst into laughter.

“I was about to say that our nights out get cut back, so we can save for that trip, then realised that in the current circumstances going out isn’t really an option. Got to get past the neighbours yet”