Where the Sunflowers Grow
By
Rebecca Anna Coleman

-1-
Boulevard of Broken Dreams

The mall was filled with shoppers this rainy afternoon. From where I was sitting, on a wooden bench under a planted palm tree that seemed odd out of place in Mississippi I noticed that every one of them held some kind of bag. Delightful smells drifted down from the food court. The smells caused my stomach to growl, reminding me that I'd skipped breakfast and the hamburger steak I had for supper last night had long since left me.

My name was William Alexander Potter, I'm fifteen and I'm a Sophomore at Benton Academy. And on this rainy afternoon I'm sitting on a wooden bench under a fake looking palm tree located in the heart of Metro Center. The Premier shopping center of Mississippi with over two million square feet and over a hundred or so small shops.

And well for the first time in weeks I was content. Here in the mall I was free to allow my mind to wander. Here I felt I could escape for a few moments. And so I sat there, peering up small dots of rain forming on the sky view. From time to time one of the mall walkers would stop and stare at me. And I guess they had the right to stare at me. I mean I would stare too.

I mean how often did you see androgynous boy with jet back hair that spilled down to his shoulders, baby blue eyes, and polished black nail polish wearing a coal black hoodie with a kangaroo pouch that hid a portable CD player. Fading blue jeans and well worn sneakers completed the outfit and resting at his feet was a black, heavy, canvas messenger bag that rounded out the outfit.

The messenger bag held everything I considered essential. A bottle of water, a small zip lock bag that held a small collection of one dollar bills, and an odd assortment of quarters, nickles, dimes, and pennies. A composition book which doubled as a journal. I often used it to record my thoughts and sometimes I wrote down short story ideas. Beside the composition book I also had a sketch pad that was filled with anime and manga inspired drawings. And of course some extra double A batteries for my portable CD player and a few CD's. Mostly CD's from my favorite band Green Day.

The more important items, like my brown, leather pocket book that held my Bank of Yazoo Visa Card, My Gamestop reward card, my Suncoast reward card, my Student ID, and my Mississippi Learners Permit. I was not really proud of the picture featured on the front of that card. Every time I looked at it, I was reminded that something inside my head did not click.

The picture showed a dazed, confused boy with jet black hair. I mean I'm still not sure how I passed the test, because I'd stayed up all night watching Ghost in the Shell, Gundam 8th MS team, Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040, Outlaw Star, and Inuyasha. And last but not least my most treasured item is a blue Nokia 3310.

And there you have the complete kit of a mall dweller in this, the curse year of Our Lord 2002. And as I sit here, looking at the people passing me by, I can't help but feel a sudden, and overpowering sense of melancholy. Because I feel I was born in the wrong body.

And here in the mall. Here I felt I could express myself. I could browse the high end boutiques and shops for a moment pretending I was for once the person I wanted to be.

“Hey kid.” A mall cop called out as he peered at me. “You gotta move it.” He said in a rough and tumbled tone of voice. “You've been sitting there for the last thirty minutes. And the women in that shop.” He pointed with his thumb over his shoulders to a fancy shop that was located just across the plaza from where I was sitting.

“The women there are getting a little worried. They're saying you've been leering at people as they pass by.” He then reached down and wrapped his fingers around his belt. “Take my advice. Move your ass, and get a proper haircut. And wash all that shit off your face.”

Now, I learned one thing, talk is cheap. And it was clear to me he was putting on an act. I was sure if push came to shove I could have taken him. After all he was just one of those rent cops. Somebody who had washed out of the police academy. Somebody's whole career had been reduced to patrolling the mall and maybe chasing down the random shoplifter. I'm sure he had balls the size of peanuts. But I'd also learned that sometimes it was best just to nod your head, bite your tongue and do as they asked.

“Yes sir.” I said, taking a deep breath as I stood up.

I collected my things. Just then my favorite song came on. I knew it from the first bars. It was a song that had become something of my theme song for the last month or so and so with Boulevard of Broken Dreams playing in my ear I started to shuffle to another spot.

Because in a way I was walking down my own Boulevard of Broken Dream. I was fifteen years old, an average student, not really academically talented unlike my older sister who had been gifted with both beauty and brains. As an artist, I lacked talent, though I had amassed around two thousand followers on DeviantArt through many anime and manga inspired sketches and drawings. The art teacher at my school thought my art was trash.

And writing wise, likewise I thought I was a wash-up. My ten thousand world Legend of Zelda Fanfiction had gained some traction on Fanfiction.Net. But I was still miles behind my mentors. And then knife to heart I was confused. I thought my life would have been easier if I'd been born a girl instead of a boy..

I felt myself pulled toward a display window. The display window showed a gown that reminded me of my birthstone. I was born in September so naturally my birthstone was a Sapphire and the gown was the deepest, sapphire blue and it glittered too.

“One day.” I said, taking a deep breath. “One day I'm going to wear a gown just like that.” I said placing my hand upon the display window.

“One day!”

End of Chapter One.

-2-
Kids in America

I don't know what came over me, but all of a sudden my mood shifted. I mean where I was in the biggest, best mall in Mississippi with three hundred dollars spending money, nobody around to tell me where to go or what to do. I was free, the world as far as I'm concerned was my oyster and all I had to do to claim the pearls was to reach out and take it with my hand. And for the first in what seemed like a very long time I allowed myself to smile. And then I started to move my feet. The mall seemed to be waiting for me.

Now, most stories in the mall catered to certain cliques. For example Gamestop, was more geared toward people who enjoyed playing video games. And to be honest with you I sometimes gamed. But I was not a die hard gamer. I mostly played JRPGS or Japanese Role-playing Games. The most famous example of a JRPG I can think of is the Persona series. Though I only owned one of the Persona games, and that Persona 3 and the only reason I owned that game was because you could either play as a boy or a girl and of course I'd decided to play as a girl.

Up next was the comic shop. Now Metro Center had two places that sold comics or manga. The first one was Books-A-Billion and they stocked a pretty good selection of comics, manga, and Dungeons and Dragons source books. The other was a hidden shop called The Comic Cave. The Comic Cave was a totally different beast. It sold only comic books and the owner and the people who shopped there treated it like their own little retreat from the outside world.

And trust me when I say this, they mistrusted anyone who was not one of them. If you ever get a chance pick up a copy of The Eltingville Club. The four main characters are perfect examples of the average person who dwells in this shop. They were the kind of people who treated comic books, science fiction books, fantasy, horror, and role-playing as if they were matters of life and death.

But today those three shops were not even on my radar. No, today my agenda was going to allow myself to free my inner femininity from the gilded cage I'd forced her into. I wanted to see the mall through female eyes. And with that in mind I started to roam.

The first place I decided to visit was a beach theme boutique called PacSun and it was located on the second floor. It was located on what I called 'Fashionable Row'. Now 'Fashionable Row' was a row of shops that catered to teenagers of a certain income. To get to 'Fashionable Row' one had to hang a left at the lift. You would know you were in 'Fashionable Row' by the smell, the smell is the first thing that hits you.

The whole area reeked of cologne, cotton, and confidence. The first shop you'll come to was Rue21, up next was Abercrombie & Fitch, beside that one would find American Eagle, beside that one would find PacSun and beside that one would The Limited and the Limited Too. And rounding out the list was Victoria's Secret.

People like me did not belong in such a fashionable district as 'Fashionable Row' if anything I belonged in 'Gothic Row' a district that was hidden in the corner of the mall. Hot Topic, was the heart beat of that district. That unhinged shop in the mall that smelled of faux leather, the one where the music was always played a little too loud. Here one could buy leather collars and spiked collars.
Up next was Spencer's Gift, Hot Topic's unhinged cousin, here one could find questionable gifts. Lava lambs, foreplay costumes, gag gifts, even some questionable sex-toys. Across the way from there one would find The Underground. The store was half mystic, one quarter gothic fashion and one quarter occult bazaar. I think that all that needs to be said about that place.

But I am here now. Pacing down 'Fashionable Row' with three hundred dollars in my pocket. And another hard earned one thousand in my bank account. As I paced and slowly peered into each shop display window something slowly dawned on me.

That if I freed this little bird from its cage. There was no possible way I could put it back into the cage without causing harm to myself. If I dared return this little song bird to its cage, I might as well walk into the bathroom, take a brand-new blade from a box cutter, and with that new blade I would take a moment to reflect on my life. Make peace with my God. And then I would slit my wrist and go face judgment.

End of Chapter Two.