I guess at this point I sound like a broken record player. But again I owe my readership an apologie. As many of you know I've stopped posting chapters or even updating stories. I'm not going to ask your forgiveness. And at this point I feel I've lost what readership I have, not that I blame you guys. Anyway, around the middle part of October my mother passed away, she passed away in front of me, it shook me, it tossed me into a tail spin. I have seen death before, I'm a country girl, I've hunted and fished all my life. But the passing of a human, so close to me and my mother just really sent me into a spiril. One I'm trying to recover from.
On top of that, It fell to me to plain her funeral, handle the settling of her estate, and resetting the house, which has terrible emotional toll on me, this is on top of working a full time job and taking off the day to day handling of my household. Shorty after the funeral my dad came down sick and I then took on the roll as nurse as well as estate manager. This was on top of my duties at work, which again taxed my body. I carried on the best I could for as long as I could, till a week or so ago when I myself found myself sitting in a rural ER at 3'O clock on a dreadful, stormy morning. A winter virus had laid me low, two shots in the but, a chest x-ray later and trip to walmart followed. Thankfully I had a little PTO stored up so I did not miss any wages. So my Thanksgiving was spit sipping miso soup, watching retro anime, while drinking all manner of powerade while sweating out some virus that was hitting overworked body like a wrecking ball.
But, I'm working on a new story. At least I hope I am. And I hope the readership here will forgive me.. the air I must breath is a colder, more lung burning air, full of ice crystals. The wind that is blowing across the landscape of my soul carries the sting of artic air and each morning I wake up, I feel like a solider who is far from home, looking into the blood red sky of a enemy nation. I'm striving to get home, to become the writer that would make you all proud of having me a member here.
I know, when measured with the same measuring stick, I've fallen short of all those who have gone before me and made this site what it is, who have paved the way for people like me. I just hope that when I'm finally home, when that train pulls into the station that a few of you all will be in the station to welcome me home.
Thank you, if you have made it this far.
Rebecca.
Comments
I'm crying
You have barely had the time to process your loss. I'm not waiting for you since you remain in my heart. All my love!
Love, Andrea Lena
Forgive yourself
Then you can grieve and move on. Know that you have friends here, not just readers.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Yes, You Have Friends
Lots of them! That's what's so nice about this site. We will still be here when things have settled down for you. You have been working your butt off. It takes a toll.
There's no need to apologize and there's no need to worry. Write when you feel like it and talk, or not, as you feel the need.
You are our Sunflowerchan, Rebecca. We love you.
Grief
Grief is a huge mountain to climb, a deep cavern to struggle out from. Over the last couple of years I have lost both my parents, and it still hurts now.
As others have said, let time help you come to terms with things, and let your body heal. You are not alone, your friends here are on your side, but please be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
Lucy xx
"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."
Take your time
Take your time to grieve, and to process the loss. A sudden death takes a far heavier toll on both the psyche and the body, than one that has been seen coming for some time.
Please take your time for self-care and going through all the stages of grief. In some cases it can take up to a year to recover ones balances after going through the grieving process. Though it helps to acknowledge the loss. If you can not talk about it with close family and friends, then go and seek professional help.
Sending virtual hugs with my condolences.
Jessica Nicole
That's a lot
One thing after another, piling on... I'm sorry to hear it, but don't take us your readers as another burden.
When you can write, when you feel like writing, we'll be glad to see you. I hope you can drop a note here every so often to let us know how you're doing.
hugs,
- iolanthe
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I enjoyed your stories although I failed to keep up.
I also know how you can slide into a place where it’s hard to do real writing.
But we are here to be your friends and supporters as we all take this journey.
All the best!
Gillian Cairns
I am so sorry for your loss and for all that is happening...
... but as was said by everyone else, you need the time to grieve, take care of your father, take care of your job, and above all else, your own health. If your health isn't good, then how would you take on the responsibility you have for all the other things? Your real life should come first; the readers can wait. I know how it feels when time goes by, and you think no one will read your work, and you feel readers will move on. But then I posted my own story for the first time on BCTS and Fictionmania after moving on from other sites. And got one hell of a response. You are already known here, so I don't think your readership will dwindle. In fact, they might just be excited that you finally had the time to write something they can get excited about.
Always take time to take care of yourself because you can never take care of your life or any of your other responsibilities, whether family or work, if your own health isn't fine. I hope you take the time to heal, make sure your father is better, and take a minute to breathe. It will help. I know I took a long breather, and it feels like I came back strong. And I know you will too.
Love,
Emma