The government wants to erase Kate Thomas in 24 hours, but fate had other ideas

Look Out Seattle

Chapter 2: Early Memories

She’s three or four years old. She’s wearing a beautiful dress and having a tea party with her mother. She decides to play Mum and starts pouring the imaginary tea. She looks at Pooh and tells him to mind his manners or he won’t get any biscuits. It was one of the happiest memories in the early life of a little girl named Colton Michael who had no idea the world thought she was a little boy.

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Her smile faded as she saw herself sitting in the booster seat of a barber chair. She trembled just as she did when she was five years old. She felt those hot tears on her cheeks and the whine of the trimmer in ears. Frustration, anger and helplessness washed over her as she once again watched her beautiful hair float to the floor.

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She was in kindergarten, sitting alone on the playground, watching a group of girls play. She screamed silently, "I'm a girl. I wanna play too."

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She saw her left hand holding a pencil and hovering over the empty page of a journal. She was eight years old when she discovered that pencils, crayons and imagination could create a world she could live in when reality said she didn't even exist.

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She was nearly 12 years old and standing in front of her parents bed holding a box of her journals. As she dumped the books in their laps, a child’s heartfelt plea echoed in her ears. "THIS is what I want for my birthday."

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There was a picture of a cat hanging from a tree limb by its claws. The caption below it read. "Hang in there baby. It’s almost Friday." She knew this place well. She was in the office of Gender Therapist Dr. Antonia Gianelli. For nearly ten years she walked her journey with "Doctor Toni" at her side.

As she saw herself talking to the beautiful young Italian woman she realized why this early session made the highlight reel. She had poured her soul out to this woman for nearly two months with very little in return save for smiles and more questions. Today she would receive THE answer.

The doctor put her notepad down and stood up from her desk. She walked over to her and smiled. "Your parents brought you here to find out why you want to be a girl and I suppose you are probably wondering the same thing yourself?"

She nodded nervously.

"Well you’ve taken tests, I've read some of your stories and you've talked to me for six weeks. Now, I think I can answer that question for you and your parents and ..without big words like gender dysphoria and transgenderism."
She squirmed in her chair, afraid of the answer and relieved to finally have one at the same time.

"First of all, what you're going through is no one’s fault ... not yours ... not your parents ... not society ... there is no fault here. Do you understand?"

Again she nodded nervously.

"Good" she smiled, "It's really important you know that."

She paused for a moment to choose her words carefully. "The reason you so desperately want to be a girl is NOT ... that you are crazy or mentally ill ... or confused ... or sick ... or ... possessed by demons or gay,which is a whole other issue ... no ... no ... no."

She took Kate's hands and smiled reassuringly, "The same reason it feels so wrong to be a boy is the same reason it feels so right to be a girl. It's the reason you pray and wish and cry to be a girl. It’s plain and simple and obvious, especially to someone who felt exactly the same way when she was your age. You want to be a girl because ... you ARE a girl and always have been. You're just a girl born with a birth defect, a faulty chromosome, but honey there is no doubt about it ... YOU ARE A GIRL!"

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She’s sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea with Mom, and asks her."What were you and Dad going to name me if I’d been born a girl?

Mom sat her cup down and corrected her daughter. "You were born a girl, it was just that your father and I didn’t realize it then, but if you want to know ... I was torn between Sarah and Kaitlyn."

The young girl thought for a moment, bouncing each one around and then she knew. "Mom ... I want to be Kaitlyn, but you can call me Katie "

She pulled her into a hug and held her close. "Well then baby ... Katie you are."

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There are so many people here, but she’s not afraid. Her Dad has her on one arm and her Mom on his other. Her dress is the same color as her Mom’s. She feels so pretty. Dad says he’s the luckiest man there because he has two beautiful girls. They're walking into the theater to see Camelot. It’s the night she found her middle name: Guinevere.

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Candles and a cake that says "Happy 13th Birthday Katie." There’s gifts and decorations and music. It’s the day she said hello to living full time as Katie. Over in the corner are two totes of clothes to be given to Oxfam. It’s the day she said goodbye to Colton

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Two black flats climbing concrete steps. Mom and Dad are watching her. She’s wearing leggings with a skirt and blouse combo and a wooly jumper hanging on one arm. It’s just her school uniform but she’s so excited to finally be wearing the right one. As she turns to wave at her parents, she feels her piggy tails bounce. The sign above the doors reads Paul Revere Secondary School.

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A strong arm grabs her and a hand covers her mouth. She’s being dragged into the restroom. Someone yells "Faggot" and she doubles over from a punch to her stomach. She can't run. She can’t fight. She can’t scream for help. She’s on the floor and someone kicks her. As she hears footsteps leaving, she asks herself, "Why? What did I do? Why do they hate me?"

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She's working on her column for the last edition of the school paper this year. The only other person there is Kenny Bradley. He’s the editor, a senior, has the nicest smile, beautiful brown eyes, and has always been nice to her. She brought him her copy. He starts reading it and then he stops. He looks at her and tells her that she's got real talent.

She blushes and then he says she has real courage too. She doesn’t know how to feel about his statement. She knows it's a compliment but it's also a reminder. She feels tears wanting to well. She starts to turn away. He takes her hand and apologies, but then asks if he can kiss her. She could write a 10000 word composition in no time and yet she couldn't put together the three letters that spelled yes.

Fortunately, he could read her eyes. He moved closer. He was six feet tall and she was so glad she had to raise up to meet his lips . He closed his eyes, so she did too. His lips brushed hers so gently. She tried to match his movements. He broke the kiss as softly as he began it. She was 17. It was her first real kiss.

Chapter 3: Later Memories

She wonders why hospitals are always so cold? She’s alone now except for her roommate Emily, who is sleeping and had her surgery a few days ago. She said when they tell you it's gonna hurt, they aren’t lying. She says you'll thank God for morphine when the anesthetic wears off. Kate asked her if she had any regrets. She said the only regret she had was waiting ten years to have the surgery at 28 instead of 18 like her. She’s scared but she knows she'd be more scared if she wasn’t having the surgery. She looks at the clock and wishes her parents were there.

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It hurts a little but she has to laugh. The doctor is pulling gauze out of her and it never seems to stop. All she can do is think of the magicians who pull handkerchiefs non stop out of their sleeves. "Good Lord, how deep did he make it?"

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She’s a freshman at Boston College. As she heads to journalism class, a stocky girl with very short hair and wearing a sweat suit stops her. She asks if she’s Kate Thompson. She gives her a puzzled look but answers yes. The girl puts a flyer in her hand and says with a smile. "You’re not alone. We meet every Tuesday night at seven in the basement of the Student Union Building. It’s a safe place. You should come."

She watches the girl walk away. She stuffs the flyer in her bag and cuts class. She goes to her car and feels tears welling. Her heart was touched by the brave and caring person who reached out to her but why did she reach out to her? Did one of her old school mates follow her to BC and spread the word? Was she that obvious? Could everyone tell she used to live as a boy? She thought she didn’t have to worry about hiding and being safe anymore. She pulled out her mobile. She wanted to call Doctor Toni, but she knew what the good doctor would tell her. She dried her eyes, fixed her make up and headed to the next class with renewed determination.

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She was in Cameron's dorm room. The lights were low. The music was soft. He was sipping his drink and smiling at her. She looked at him. He wasn’t a Mr. Darcy, but at least he wasn’t a Mr. Collins.

They’d been dating for three months and he was one of the few guys that she’d gotten close enough to have "The Talk" with, the others had gone MIA shortly afterwards but he said it made no difference

Over these two months they had kissed and a little more. Tonight it was going to be a lot more. She didn't love him but she liked him a lot so she hoped that was enough.

Perhaps he’d had too much to drink or maybe just enough, but as he took her in his arms,he whispered softly. "Babe ... you are so beautiful. I’d rather be with you than any real girl I know."

She slapped his face as she went full Joan Crawford on him. With that ugly four letter word echoing in her ears, she grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. He begged her to stay. He said he was sorry. He said he misspoke. He searched for the lie that he meant to say instead of the truth that he did say. He ran to the doorway and called out to her, but she was already half way down the hall on her walk of shame

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She was sitting at the editors desk of the Boston College Heights. It was her desk and she’d earned it. She’d made a name for herself as a top reporter and then for her editorials. Perhaps there would always be people who would never respect her as a woman, but by God she would have their respect as a writer.

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Her flight had just lifted off from Boston Logan International. Travel time to her new life and new job in Seattle was about six hours. She looked under her seat at her Calico baby Muffin who was sleeping peacefully in her carrier and then removed a notebook from her shoulder bag. It seemed the perfect time to write The eve of a new beginning seemed the perfect time to reflect on what she left behind and where she stood now.

She would miss Boston and the only home she ever knew. She would miss watching Red Sox games with her Dad and sitting in the kitchen with her Mom drinking tea and talking for hours. She’d miss being snuggled in between her parents for a classic television show or movie.

Reaching for her mirror she stopped writing to check her face. She paused to consider her reflection and everything that came with the package. Her left hand guided the pen again.

Truth be told, at 5'9 and 130 pounds, she was a little too tall and a little too short of curves. Her voice was a little too deep and Prince Charming better be packing a size 9 glass slipper if Kate was his Cinderella. Most people, buried in their phones and their lives, barely gave her a look, but it was that occasional second glance that made people wonder.

It was something she hated, but knew she had to live with, just as she had to accept the fact that she would always be one x chromosome short, that she would never know what it felt like to have a life growing within her and that unless she was sexually active she would have to be regularly intimate with a pyrex penis named "Fitzwillie".

She wrote the words Serenity Prayer and underlined them. Dr. Toni’s last pearl of wisdom to her were these words she said every transsexual has to live by. "Change what you can. Accept what you can’t, and learn to live with the difference "

Her thought train was interrupted by a smiling flight attendant asking her if she’d like a drink.

"Tea ... milk and sugar please," she answered with a matching smile..As she watched the attendant walk away she was inspired to write further.

Why did most women generally accept her into their club without issue while most men take her abdication as some sort of mortal sin? Women were sometimes curious, but normally respectful and often protective. Men on the other hand, couldn’t understand or accept her so they condemned her. Why?

As the attendant brought her tea, she decided that question would be a good one for her next video call with Doctor Toni.

She sipped the hot goodness and a smile turned at her lips. Her personal definition of irony revealed itself. She wrote, "The definition of Irony is spending the first twelve years of your life living as someone you're not and hiding who you truly are, then spending the rest of your life living as who you truly are while hiding the life of who you never were."

She nibbled on a biscuit from the packet that came with the tea and wondered. "Was 3000 miles far enough to run away from her past life, to keep her deep dark secret a secret?"

She didn't have the answer but she did have the last line of her entry. "Look out Seattle .. Here I come "

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The fireplace and the balcony overlooking the Seattle skyline had sold her on this place even before she asked how much the rent was. It was empty now save for her suitcases and an air mattress, but she couldn’t wait to hit the second hand shops to furnish it. Taking another bite of pizza she looked at her fur baby. "Welcome home Muffin."

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She's walking down the street with a small pizza from Andy’s, an amazing little place just around the corner. She is so happy her neighbor, Mrs. Manzelli told her about that second hand shop. She spent her paycheck twice over but it was worth it. She loved the brass bed and the rocker but it was the movie poster from Pride and Prejudice that stole the show. As she opened the door to the building, she smiled seductively and said, "Tomorrow night Mr Darcy ... you are mine."

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She saw her cubicle at the paper. She noted the framed picture of her parents, the collection of Jane Austen paperbacks and the poster from the XFiles that proclaimed the truth was out there. She saw herself walk in with a stack of folders in one hand and a cup of tea in the other.

It looked like just another day in a tiny cubicle of a very noisy newspaper room. In four years there, she’d made a few casual friends and absolutely no significant contribution to the literary world. She was a glorified gopher doing the research digging for someone else's byline. She did get in a few blurbs here or there, although they were usually buried in the back pages, still ... the boss always promised more.

She was absent mindedly scrolling her monitor screen when her boss's voice made her spin in her chair. He glanced at the screen. "Wrap up whatever it is you’re working on and come to my office. I've got an assignment for you."

She immediately closed out the window. "Yes sir. I’ll be right there."

Five minutes later she was sitting in his office. She had no idea then and neither did her boss of just how important this assignment was or the fact that just twenty four months later Kate would be looking at 24 hours to live.