I haven't posted in a while because I am ashamed of myself. When my internet went out mid July I thought it was going to be a month or so to get it fixed. My roommate would not hear of using my phone to tether the net to my computer to my phone (in her world the phone is better) I snapped I tried to hurt myself with a fork in what amounts to a temper tantrum. It shocked me to something closer to sanity. I didn't succeed because I was not serous, like I said it was a temper tantrum, pure and simple.

That look on my face is terror.
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Good news and bad news:

Update...

To remove bladder stones and as a bonus add a supra pubic tube catheter it is quite painful so I suspect some of my posts will appear stoned.I have hopes it will improve my quality of lifebut not so much short term.

If you read my last blog

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog-entry/68921/being-anonym...

you will know I am going through a bad time right now.

As I've said I will not self harm, but laying on my back willing myself to die can not be healthy. J My Samsung J3 phone went south when I really needed it.
Guess it is time to write a story or something...

I have been reading SEE (Somewhere Else Entirely)by Penny Lane. It is a very long serial (100+ chapters each long an well written.4 books)Unlike many stories of this quality it has not been taken down and offered for sale as have several I was in the middle of. That is good for my My resources are 0 at the moment.and I can't afford gum. let alone buying something online. Seriously do yourself a favor and read this story be prepared to be at it more than a week . Her other stories are equally high quality.If you have not discovered her.Good Times ahead!

Andi twas unpleasant(a feeling of impending doom.. It nust be common, Endocrinologist has offer ed antianxiety meds.. And a lot of olks talk about it, Here Iam bedbound due to paralysis. If stress ia criteria Iv'e got Apparently Icant 'have female hormones any more due to the stroke risk. Any medical plan I have had has collapsed. I have finished my transition.

Ithink most peple know me here I dont want to join thrmemorandium list.I;m scared,

Basically something is going on with my bladder Since the strokeI have to use a folley catheter which uses a small baloon to keep the cathader in place I have been going through very painful spasms. Every day Oh well.

To say Ihave been depressed for the last while is an understatement.

Looks like My paralyzed leg has decided to work in tandom with mr good leg Evey day I wheel my wheelchair in front of the kitchen sink. I use my good arm and hand to grab the edge of the sink and counter and with assistance drag myself up and stand and balance for as long as my strength allows the dead leg is helping me stand though I still need the assist small l baby steps is the ticket to walking someday

Thanks to everyone has posted stories I live for them.

Funny,I keep wondering when I 'll get through this recovery..One of the things that keep me going is being a woman.and that can not change When I figured out transitioning was something I had to do I took the fast track(meaning I did not hold back),no regrets, only joy.
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I keep talking about what is wrong with my life, but it bears mentioning what went well. A couple of weeks before the stroke I invited a woman into my home.she needed a safe-place I told her, she is now family. Seems we both needed a sister. She is Wiccan-Witch pun not intended, which I find fascinating. Did I mention it is my B-day? She is going above and beyond for me. Life can be funny, and good.

I am by nature an upbeat person am still amazed how friends I have made before the poo hit the fan.

I don’t talk about myself much, guess I’m not very comfortable with it. I am willing to talk to anybody, be it a crowd or one on one, but writing about me feels weird. I post on my blog about twice / thrice a year, complete with pictures, if anyone is interested.

I’ve been unemployed almost 6 months, longer off and on again. Unemployment is long gone, and savings are draining steadily. I have my son (nephew actually, but the relationship is that of parent adult). If not for him I would be in real trouble.

Many people have a chemical imbalance that causes depression. Others have forms of PTSD. I'm in the latter category.

I'm getting better, and that is a fact. I was a mess last Christmas, I let my anti depression meds run out and was spending Christmas alone (actually, it just felt that way).

MoonGoddess posted a thread something like this, and I responded. I agree with everything she said, if you are suffering you don't need to! Get help!

A letter to a supervisor in the pharmacy at Walmart. I have to write a similar one about a Gulf gas station employee soon.

Dear Sir,

I had an unfortunate encounter with a pharmacist named *snip* at 5:15PM, Sunday, 5/31/2015. I left very distressed and upset.

I am a transgendered person. 31% of untreated transgender people successfully commit suicide before seeking help, and of those who try to address the issue 42% will attempt suicide at a later date. We are a very vulnerable population.

Well, lost my job again. It was a contractor position, with the right to hire. Frankly it was the job from hell from my point of view, so no regrets there.

It has been a while since I've updated my blog. The second operation, which was supposed to repair the first operation, went much worse than my first. The doctor has literally ripped me new asshole. He tore two holes through the thin section between the rectum and vagina. For about a month some of my poots were coming out my vagina, which was not good. I was prescribed industrial strength antibiotics the day after surgery and did frequent follow ups. Looks like I'm through that part OK. Needless to say, it hurt (still does a bit).

Sometimes it is easy to forget how blessed we are. I am flat on my back recovering from SRS. A really close pair of friends are allowing me to recover at their house, which I am greatful for. Lots of pain but it is normal. I can't wait for the tube to come out of my new tush, but no worries. Looking forward to doing more than hunt anf peck on this keyboard. Till then all my love.

Wendy

One thing loosing my job has done, it has moved up my timetable on SRS. This is because SRS is covered on my old insurance, and part of my severance package was insurance for 11 weeks after I was laid off. I am prepared to buy COBRA if I have to if I need the insurance extended.

So, baring glitches, I will be going into an operating room and having what was supposed to be the final stage of my transition done. Like I said, it was moved up. I do not see myself ever being able to afford this on my own, and I qualify now (or will as of Dec. 16).

Oct. 30 I got really early (5AM) and braved rush hour traffic in Dallas to get something I had been working on for a while.

The name Wendy is taken, so I added my middle name on my user ID also. OddPOV is now Wendy Jean. I'm still a very odd person, but I have found I was not as different as I once thought I was. It was lonely thinking you were a pervert that had to hide for over 40 years. I now know I am neither a pervert or alone. I am me, and I am how I was made by God.