I am amazed at much love my latest little bit of fluff has gotten.

111 kudos !

Thanks to everyone!

For the second day in a row I'm in terrible pain.

Enough pain to go past "crying" and head toward "screaming " ...

But the latest chapter of Mercy is up.

I couldn't help but leave it with a cliffhanger ...

I am really angry, and trying to keep a lid on it.

See, a couple of days ago, our provincial government brought down some recommendations for school boards dealing with LGBT kids, but not everybody was pleased.

The bishop of Calgary fired off on the recommendations, especially those that were supposed to help make trans kids safer in schools.

So when I read what he said, I started to get angry.

I wanted to fire back, to find out his email address and fill his inbox with every bit of rage i could.

But that's not the person I want to be.

I am not sure why, but it seems like my social anxiety levels are sky high.

First, I had to fight anxiety off just to go to a store and get help fixing our shower chair, and then today, I was going to go to volunteer at the local food bank (It was something my councilor recommended), but I got so anxious I didn't go.

Sighs ....

Anybody who has had a pet can understand how they can sneak into your heart, and become a part of the family.

Well, my daughter had to say goodbye to a member of her family today, and in honor of little Hanna, here is a little song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUeuODPofpo

I am working on the next chapter of "Mercy", and I'm getting stuck on one thing.

I need some names.

I need a good name for the species that Faith draws her powers from.

I need two names for two different groups within that species.

and I need a good name for her antagonist.

Any suggestions ?

Here is my take on 2015:

This was the year where old, tired governments got replaced by parties with younger leaders and more optimistic outlooks

But it was also the year a reality show host became the leading nominee for President of the U.S.

It was a year that a black man was still in the White house

but it also was a year where a lot of unarmed black men got shot by police.

It was a year in which the Pope asked capitalists to take more care of the less fortunate

This is an apology for my latest story.

I'm sorry its so dark.

Its just that the stress of losing my wallet, the stress of watching my mom get a lung infection and be unable to take antibiotics for either it or the hole they dug in her head to get out the cancer because they make her sick, the stress of my friend Jaci having no money and no food in her house and me not being able to help, the stress of knowing I'm going to have postpone any chance at SRS for the foreseeable, the stress of my PTSD, my depression, and my gender issues ...

Well, I have gotten a setback in terms of getting SRS.

I was supposed to go to Arizona for a consult in January, but as I have not gotten notice that my plane ride will be covered by the Alberta government, I cant go.

I knew this was coming, its not a shock, really. And I've been trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter. It's not what's between my legs that makes me a woman.

Turns out I didn't believe me.

i sobbed on the phone with Jaci and another friend for five to ten minutes over this disappointment.

So this was my Christmas day.

Worked until 7 AM, came home, slept, woke up to discover my mother was sick and I was getting sick, so the two of us spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch together watching Dr. Who.

I've had worse Christmases ...

Just got back from my appointment with PTSD councilor.

Main theme of the session? Take back the power.

In the last little while, I've read two very different stories where a character who is struggling with PTSD gets help from a dream.

That has got me thinking, could there be something to this idea? Could a dream really help someone like me heal?

And if so, does anybody know a dream walker who could come to my aid?

Because honestly, right now I'm just trying to hold on until I see someone about the PTSD on Dec. 22 ...

I found a possible helper for when I struggling with bad memories - humor.

After a conversation on bulling here on Facebook, I went to work and started struggling with PTSD. Fortunately, I had help - a very funny book that made me giggle several times reading it.

So by half-way through the night, I was starting to feel better.

Anybody else have something that helps them get through PTSD moments?

in the aftermath of my meltdown, I have been able to work backwards and see the warning signs - in the week leading up to the attack, I had been dealing with a situation that had eroded my confidence and increased both my anxiety and depression.

Then I fell, breaking a towel bar in the process, went to work, and managed to last until I started having serious pain in my arm before I totally lost it.

Maybe knowing how this started can help me short circuit the next meltdown ...