The Weekly Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3482 by Angharad Copyright© 2024/2025 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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The embassy of their Imperial Majesty, lay on Thunstrasse 50, a tree lined leafy road on which property was probably valued in millions and on which probably nothing ever happened, or if it did was kept rather quiet. We caught a tram to it, walking a hundred metres or so from where the tram dropped us. We had hoped that in going by public transport, we were safer from homicidal Russians, than in using a taxi. You have to have an appointment to get into these buildings, which would thus be useless in a real emergency, but that is how bureaucracy defends itself by never being to blame for anything, so we were about to meet professional handwringers or hand washers, never to blame for anything, hedge sitters and general wastes of time, but at least we were playing the game, I think I preferred rugby or cricket at least that had a conclusion, the game we were about to play was like pass the parcel at a children's party.

A Mr Bennett was the deputy ambassador, he was very pleasant, his public school tones grated a little on me and also he had spent ten minutes telling me that these things happened in today's world. I agreed and then told him that they always had and that the diplomatic service didn't do anything about it, nor care too much about the people concerned.

"I think you are too judgemental, Dr Watts."

"Am I, if your daughter was in hospital with gunshot wounds, how would you be?"

"I understand you are exercised about this and the attack yesterday and you have every right to be."

"You tell me I am valued and important, but that is bullshit, if I am so it's because my husband and father in law own a bank and if they so chose to, they could bring the government down or wreck the pound. If I or any of my girls is killed here, I have left instructions for them to do it."

"That's bit over the top isn't it?"

"Stop the fucking about and start doing what's needed, find out who these bastards are and take them out or let me do so."

"I say, we can't indulge in indiscriminate killing of anyone just because you're at risk, it would damage relations with the Swiss government for years."

"Well if you won't I will, and don't bother sending any more pensionable age spies to help us, they are as useless as everything I have seen this government do. Just keep the Swiss police off my back."

"Indeed I won't," he replied.

"Well, fuck you and your bloody government, good bye you ineffectual toadie."

"I'll have you know I have never been a toadie."

"Not a word they understand at Eton I see. Come Danni let's leave Starmer's yes man to lick the arses of all he's instructed to, a speciality of Old Etonians, you can tell by their brown noses." We stormed out of the building and stood at a return tram stop to go to the hotel and change before we went to see Trish.

Two cracks occurred and the tram stop cover shattered as we watched for our tram, an a large car zoomed away from us. It drew some attention from bystanders particularly when Danni and I jumped over a nearby garden wall.

As the tram approached a car pulled up and the window rolled down, "Are you all right? and when I said yes, he replied, "Pity," and pointed a gun at me, Danni had picked up a large stone after our vault over the wall and threw it at his face, he squealed and the car drove off, just in time for the tram to pull up.

"I don't think they like us," she said always a master of the understatement, a British trait, which the rest of the world don't seem to understand.

"That could be terminal for them as soon as we know who we are up against."

"Is that wise?"

"Wisdom doesn't enter into it, if five people are trying to kill us and we take out two of them, that leaves only three to avoid, it'd simple maths not any super erudition."

"Providing the Swiss police don't do their dirty work for them."

"We probably can't trust anybody, I shall send an email to James as soon as we get back to the hotel."

"Won't they be monitoring those?"

"I hope so, we have an encoded form to send to each other, I just hope he brings enough protection with him."

"What do mean?"

"Glock or Smith and Wesson will do."

"Don't we risk giving the police just what they need to arrest us?"

"Only if they catch us, which I don't intend."

"Mummy, have you thought this through?"

"Yes, darling, but you can go back home if you want to."

"What and leave you alone with James to go killing half the population because they looked threatening."

"That's rubbish, it's only a few we're going to take out, plus some from the British embassy because it's cheaper than retiring them, I meant to take a saw with me to thin out the deadwood, pity I forgot."

"You are worked up aren't you?"

"So should you be two attempts in one morning after you told the deputy ambassador to fuck off, whose side do you think he's on?"

"Himself, didn't you notice his brown nose, the arse-kisser."

Twenty minutes later we were back in our hotel room and I strapped a large knife to my leg and suggested Danni did the same. She objected, she was wearing boots and said by the time she got hold of the knife, the attacker would either have killed her or run away. I suppose she had a point.

I sent the cryptic email to James and waited for the police. They weren't very helpful asking why were people trying to kill us. I told them if I knew I'd kill them first, they told me that wasn't a very healthy attitude and they would arrest us if we tried. I told them to consider how they would feel if it was their daughter in hospital with gunshot wounds. They left without telling us anything just mentioning that they had heard about the shelter at the tram stop and the man in the car. "That shelter has been there years, you come along and it disappears in moments."

"Don't complain to me, I didn't shoot it up, we were minding our own business waiting for a tram, ask the bastards who shot at us."

They left and we went back to making a cuppa, it seems to be the only thing which calms me down and I wanted to calm down, I didn't want to waste energy until I had a chance to revenge myself and my daughters on the swine who were trying to kill us for a reason I knew nothing about. How would Trish working at CERN be a danger to anyone?

Danni did pack a knife in her handbag to keep me quiet, when we went to the hospital to see Trish. She was conscious and able to answer our questions but seemed as puzzled as we were about why they shot her. She thanked me for the blue light which had all the doctors bamboozled, especially with the patients either side of her improving so much. We laughed at that and I looked at her wound. It was nearly healed. We gave it some more light and she jumped and squeaked as I lay my hand on her but when I finished apart from her sweating, the mark had completely gone. I put the dressing back and let the hospital decide for themselves what happened to their patient, but I expected them to discharge her either later or tomorrow.

She told us about her work at CERN and about calculating the speed of atomic particles as being absolute magic and then bang she was shot and didn't know why. on the way back to the hotel we had a text from James, he was at Basle airport, I'd organised a room for him next to ours. At least the hotel seemed able to do things to my liking, if only they could serve decent meals, we'd be laughing. I certainly missed David and his culinary skills, he'd beat the pants off this lot. still it could be worse, and I'd have to do my own cooking or washing up.

James arrived in time to shower before we all went to dinner, so I still didn't know if he had a gun or what. I'd also asked him to talk to his friends in the security services to discover why we were under fire again as I wasn't aware we'd done anything.

Dinner was okay, at least they had fresh tuna steak which I ate with duchesse potatoes and salad, the roulade was fine for dessert and James seemed very hungry, as usual, he'd apparently missed lunch to get to us. I asked him what he knew and he claimed it was just speculation, but it seemed the bank had been asked to initiate some sanctions against Russia, they were hurting and this was the Russian reply. It didn't make sense, because the bank could cause more pain to Putin than he could to us. Apparently Simon had already closed some Russian accounts after Trish's assault, once he heard of the attempts on our lives he'd close a lot more. MI6 were supposed to be protecting the family, but just in case Simon had hired Chas and Dave. They weren't cheap but they were good. MI6 hadn't proved very helpful to us and we related the story of James Bond to our James and he nearly wet himself.

Back in our room James told us he'd brought nothing with him but he had a contact in Bern who could supply us with some unregistered guns and ammunition, the price was dependent on what we wanted. Two hand guns would cost several thousand dollars and something like a Kalashnikov a deal more. He said they could even get some of the assault rifles the British army used, which were very good but difficult to tuck up your jumper or in a handbag.

We decided on to hand guns and I asked Danni if she wanted one and she said no as she'd probably shoot one of us or herself. I wasn't entirely happy either but we had to do something to defend ourselves or take the fight back to the enemy. Now we knew this was Russia's finest trying to kill us, I almost wanted to go to their embassy and threaten to kill the ambassador's wife and family and everybody else who worked there. James told me to be sensible, we only went on the offensive if we knew who specifically posed us a threat and if the opportunity arose to take one of them out without endangering us. Otherwise it was to be defensive action only.

"What happens if they try to kill us before we have any weapons?" I asked James, he showed me a flick knife in his case which was disguised as part of the case, so he answered that if they did, it could get messy. Danni said something plus the cost of getting the blood out of the carpets. James replied to her that if you stabbed someone in the heart there wasn't too much blood.

"How do I know where that is in the heat of the moment? I'm as likely to stab myself as some foreign agent."

"Refer them to your mother, she has no such qualms," he answered. I almost objected but he was right, in defence of my family I'd kill every Russian in Switzerland. Perhaps we should start that now, except we didn't know who they were.

We had a restless but undisturbed night and using an encrypted compter, James got some photos of known Russian agents in Switzerland, one of which was the guy who drew up in the car that Danni bashed with the rock. He was likely to have some sever bruising on his face. James actually smiled at that and winked Danni, "Ever the pacifist?" he asked her.

"The bloke had a gun and was pointing it at my mother, I had to do something." the description of him accused him of being a psychopath and it seemed his enjoyment of shooting me had made him delay long enough to let Danni throw her stone. I'd bet he wouldn't wait again but then If I met him again, I might shoot him first, in fact I hoped I did or better still, James did, he was a better shot. I still remembered his standoff against the machine gun with that Magnum thing. He shot the driver through the engine and the bloke with the M16 or whatever it was, he blew apart, the noise was phenomenal, and his courage caused him to die, it was only the blue light which saved him, for which I was thankful to the goddess. She seemed to be around me in the night because I dreamt that we'd be safe and so would Trish and to remember all three of us girls had a special weapon, the blue light could be used in defence of her servants, which all of were. we just had to know when to use it if we had to, and she would guide us. I wondered if Danni had the same dream or if Trish had.