,

After the heady delights of living as Catherine Morland in Regency Bath, I came down to earth and back to normality, or at least as normal as my life had now become.

The first meeting of the book club after our Austen weekend was mainly a review of the festival. Most of the time was taken up by looking at the photos we had all taken showing us in all our Regency finery, the girls that had been unable to go wanted all the details.

“How did you enjoy it Cathy, it must have been even stranger for you than the others, not only were you living a Regency life, but you were also experiencing the life of a woman at the time,” asked Moira “I’m sorry I couldn’t come with you all, you seem to have had an amazing time.”

“It was a full immersive experience for us all, but at times I really felt as if I was Catherine Morland. However I don’t think that I would’ve liked to live her life, the social attitudes and restrictions made me feel uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as the corset I had to wear.” which brought a lot of giggles from them all, particularly those that had suffered along with me.

As I was now writing full-time as Cathy O’Neill, I continued to play the part of a young sociable professional woman. My breast-forms were almost a permanent part of my body affecting the way I stood and moved. I was on a strict diet and fitness schedule to reduce my weight and tone my body, my hair was beginning to grow to a more feminine length, my nails were now longer and shaped, and I was following the same beauty regimes as all women my age. Moisturisers, face masks, waxing, manicures and makeup were all becoming just another part of my daily routine. It was getting to the stage where I couldn't remember the last time that I had worn any of my male clothes, even my casual items for around the house were now all female styles.

Neither could I really remember how and when I had graduated from wearing a skirt to get me in the mood for writing in a more emotional and descriptive style to living and acting totally as a woman, all I knew was that I was comfortable in the clothes and the lifestyle I was living. How I appeared and how I was reacting to things just became a way of life rather a forced practised act, to all intents and purposes, other than a few biological details I was now female, Cathy O’Neill, and was treated as such by the other girls in the book club.

Other than my regular visits to the book club and the occasional day or evening out with Emma or some of the other girls, I was working intensely on completing ‘The Class Barrier’ and it was soon ready for it to be reviewed by my editorial panel, the girls in the book club.

i had noticed that I was the only one at the club who always wore skirts or dresses, most of the girls wore trousers or leggings and jumpers or blouse tops and were much more casual. I thought that perhaps I was trying too hard and overcompensating to emphasis my femininity, and that I would fit in better with them if I toned it all down a bit. In the morning before the meeting, I gave Emma a call.

“Hi Emma are you free to come shopping with me for some casual and some more formal trousers as I really need a second opinion as to what sits right on me and makes allowances for my lack of female curvy hips and bottom. Obviously skin-tight pants or leggings would only show my lack of curves and remind people who I really am, or at least previously was.”

“Okay, Cathy, I see your predicament but we girls have all sorts of tricks up our sleeves to overcome what we see as our inadequacies. Let’s go shopping.”

We were soon browsing the shelves and racks in ‘Susannah’s Secrets’ the discreet lingerie shop in the mall.

“What we have here Cathy is what is known as shape wear which works like a corset to cinch your waist, a bit like the Regency corset you in used Bath, but not nearly as restrictive and uncomfortable. However as well as cinching the waist they also include padding to add a few inches to the hips bottom and thighs. Many teenage girls use something similar when they are still developing and don’t want to look different to their more mature classmates, and mature woman use them when they want to wear something slinky and figure-hugging.”

I left the shop wearing one of the padded briefs which along with the fact that I was now tucking my male parts between my legs and there were no obvious bulges in my front, all in all, I now had a much more feminine figure.

“That’s much better Cathy, you will now have a much wider choice of appropriate styles of trousers to pick from, let’s go shopping and see what we find for you.” Emma dragged me around the shops and I arrived home with four pairs of casual trousers and two more formal ones. I was surprised how strange it felt to be wearing trousers again after living in skirts for a few months.

After just over a year of living as Cathy, late one Friday afternoon my writing session was disturbed by the doorbell going. I was now so used to answering the door to the women from the book club, delivery couriers and other callers that I didn’t give it a second thought before going to see who it was. I was stunned and speechless to see Jacquie Marshall, my colleague from my teaching days, standing there.

“Hello, I’m Jacquie Marshall I used to work with Cathal O’Neill, I’ve been given this address for him, is he here.?” She asked smiling, with a total lack of recognition.

I was in two minds as to how to reply, but she had been a good friend to me, and was the only one at the school who had given me any support when I had to leave, I felt I couldn’t just send her away.

Taking a deep breath I replied “I think that you had better come in Jacquie, there is something I need to tell you about Cathal.”

She followed me into the kitchen and I told her to take a seat in the armchair by a small coffee table while I put the kettle on. I made a pot of tea, remembering that she preferred it to coffee, and put some slices of cake and biscuits on a plate, mainly to give me a bit of time to get my thoughts together. I had two options, tell her that Cathal had left, or be totally honest with her, finally deciding that she deserved to know the truth.

“What I am about to tell you may sound totally strange but please bear with me and stay calm. I know who you are Jacquie, and that’s because I am, or was, Cathal, I am now known as Catherine or Cathy by my friends.”

“Oh, my god, I thought that you looked a bit familiar, I assumed that you must be a close relative, I’m speechless, please just give me a minute to take it in.” She muttered through her confusion.

“As I said, I am now known as Cathy O’Neill, a novelist with two books published, a further one one ready to send off for proof reading and printing, with more in the pipeline, and I am living full time as the woman you see before you. If you are not too shocked or disgusted, I am happy to tell you how I ended up like this, but if you prefer to leave, I just ask that you forget all about me, and not spread gossip about how I am now living.”

Her eyes scanned me from top to bottom, or at least as far as she could see above the table top.

“I can’t believe it, you look and sound just like any other woman, this is not a wind-up is it Cathy?”

“No Jacquie, this is how I now live. Help yourself to tea and cake and I will tell you how and why my life has changed.” She sat open-mouthed and silent while I told her everything about inheriting the house, the neighbours and my involvement with the book club. As she stayed silent I continued with how I had started dressing in skirts to help me with the characterisation of the people in my book, and how it had grown from there and completely taken over my life. I did not go into the topic of the Austen weekend or my childhood in skirts with my Auntie Meg, that could wait until I knew how she was going to react.

“That’s an amazing story, I would never have guessed that you would turn out like that, we even went out a few times and you seemed just a normal bloke to me. If it’s not an offensive question, are you actually a woman now, or are you, what’s the term, in transition?”

“It is a rude question, but a fair one and not unexpected. No I am not in transition, I am still physically fully male, and before you ask, the breasts are not natural either.”

“All I can say is that you are so convincing and appear a lot more attractive and feminine than many women I know.”

“I don’t know if you remember but you have met me before, as Cathy, in the cafe in the park last summer and we had quite a long pleasant chat.”

“I knew I’d seen you somewhere before, I never realised that it was you, I just thought that you were someone pleasant to share a cup of tea and have a chat with.”

“Anyway Jacquie, let’s forget about my story for the moment, why are you here and how did you find me?”

“I’m no Miss Marple, finding you was easy. I knew your last address from the school records, and the people there had a forwarding address for your mail. Why I’m here is a bit more complicated, and now probably pointless. After you left, Gavin Galbraith was so arrogant and full of himself, bragging that he had got rid of one pain of a teacher and soon there would be more who would suffer. He went too far while being lectured by the headmaster about his unacceptable attitude, he lost his temper and lashed out throwing lots of punches. Mr Armitage needed to be taken to hospital with concussion and a nasty gash on his face from the punches and falling against the corner of his desk.”

“This may sound spiteful, but Armitage gets no sympathy from me, after the way he treated me. Perhaps he will now sympathise with what happened to me.” I interrupted her.

“The governors looked at the records of Galbraith’s past actions, including the incident with you, or I suppose I should say with Cathal, and after that he was expelled. No other school will take him so is now getting tuition at home, but that isn’t going very well either. The head was retired early and replaced with someone more interested in maintaining discipline rather than being over-tolerant and indulgent, and, would you believe, I was then appointed as her deputy. I really came here with an offer from the governors and Laura Marshall, the new head, to see if you wanted your job back. However as you seem to be fulfilling your dream of becoming an acknowledged author, I suppose that you are not interested.”

“Thank you for that Jacquie, and I believe that the offer is mainly down to you, but it won’t be necessary. For over a year now, I have been living completely as Cathy, and have been relatively successful as an author, I don’t want to go back to the stresses of the classroom, boring to death hormone-fired teenagers talking about things that they have no interest in.”

“Having listened to you that was what I was expecting you to say, but I thought that I would make the offer anyway.”

“Are you in a rush Jacquie,? We still have a lot of catching up to do, would you like to stay for dinner? I have a nice chicken casserole on the go in the slow-cooker and there is more than enough for both of us?”

“I would really like that, if you are sure. I’m certain that you still have a lot to tell me about what has happened over the last year and a half.”

We enjoyed our meal together, the tasty casserole along with two bottles of a delicious burgundy really relaxed us and we chatted away like the old friends that we were, catching up with each others lives.

“I love what you said about your time in Bath as Catherine Morland, I can just see you as the bubbly, slightly ditzy Catherine. It sounds like you all had a wonderful time, if you ever fancy doing that again, or something similar, count me in, it’s the sort of thing I would enjoy. Tell me more about your Austen beau Henry Tilney, did you ever hear from him again?”

“He has called a couple of times, suggesting that we meet up, but obviously there is no future in it and I don’t want to lead him on, so I kept it friendly and polite, but cooled down any intentions he might have had of getting together again.”

“That’s a shame he sounded quite nice. anyway I had better be going, it’s getting late, but we’ll have to keep in touch and meet up again, I’ve really enjoyed tonight.”

“Jacquie, you’ve had the best part of a bottle of wine, are you OK to drive home?”

She went to stand up to leave but she stumbled a bit, she was obviously not fit to drive.

“I don’t want you having an accident on the way home, you are welcome to stay the night if you wish.”

“ I’d love to, but I didn’t bring things with me for an overnight stay.”

“That’s not a problem, after living as Cathy for over a year, I have more than enough things for you to borrow, and there is plenty of cleanser, night cream and stuff like that in the bathroom, just help yourself to whatever you need. I’ll dig out something for you to sleep in and leave it in your room while you are in the bathroom, then I’ll tidy up down here before going to my bed.”

Lying in my bed my mind kept going over how the day and evening had turned out. I had been worried that Jacquie would reject the new me and leave in disgust, but it had turned out that she was quite comfortable being with me as Cathy and chatting away like we were old girlfriends.

I woke the next morning feeling an arm across my waist and a warm body spooned into my back. As gently as I could I untangled myself from her, left her in bed and went to get myself cleaned up and apply a light basic makeup for the day, when I returned to my room to get some clothes, Jacquie was already awake and looked me over from the top of my brushed-out hair, past my pert breasts sticking out through the light top of my strappy pyjama set, down my cleanly shaven legs to my painted toenails.

“Cathy you are unbelievable, looking at you standing there I just can’t see any trace of that you were once a man. I hope you don’t mind that I joined you in your bed, we had such a wonderful evening and I felt that I wanted the company to continue.”

“Don’t worry about it, but think on, what would you have felt if I had climbed into your bed?”

“Actually last night I would have welcomed it. Let’s get dressed and we’ll continue this over breakfast.”

It was a warm ‘Indian Summer’ morning so I just grabbed a light summer dress and some clean underwear and left to prepare breakfast while Jacquie got herself sorted out. When she came down I saw that she had been in my wardrobe and put on a loose gypsy skirt and top, which both looked a lot better on her than they had ever done on me.

“I hope you don’t mind, last night I was a bit the worse for wear after the wine and I just stripped off, threw my clothes on the floor, put on the nightie you left out for me, and climbed into bed, everything is a bit creased and wrinkled this morning. You have quite a selection n your wardrobe, it was hard to choose which to wear.”

“You’re fine, just bag up your stuff to deal with at home, you can keep that outfit if you want, it really suits you.”

“Sorry for climbing into your bed during the night, I’ve had a bit of rough time lately and just needed the warmth and comfort of another body.’

“Stop apologising, now what do you want for breakfast, there’s a pot of just-brewed coffee, a pot of tea, toast, fresh croissants, jam and marmalade, there’s cereal in the cupboard, or if you can face it you can have a fry-up if you would prefer that.”

“The tea with croissants and jam will be fine for the moment, maybe after that, I might feel like something else.” she eagerly helped herself.

“I’ve got nothing that I desperately need to do today, do you fancy a day out together somewhere?” I asked her warily, not wanting to seem too pushy.

“It’s a lovely day out there do you fancy a walk down by the river stopping off for lunch at one of the pubs with beer gardens, and then coming back through town where I can get some bits and pieces I need. If it’s ok with you, I would like to stay for the rest of the weekend.”

“Wonderful idea, I was going to suggest something similar, I would love you to stay for a while, only maybe we’ll not go so heavy on the wine tonight.”

There were a lot of people out and about but after a pleasant walk watching the motor cruisers zoom past and the canoeists scooting about in the white water swirls under the weir, we settled down for a lunch in a lovely beer garden of an old thatched-roof riverside pub.

This is really pleasant Jacquie, I know that I have now got lots of friends that I meet at the book club, but I don’t get out socially very often. It’s nice to be with someone that I have known for a long time, reminiscing about old times.”

On the way home, we stopped off in town, Jacquie need a few odds and ends, toiletries mainly and some clean underwear, I needed to get extra provisions for a decent evening meal.

Sitting with a glass of white wine after dinner of chicken chasseur followed by home-made apple crumble with double cream, we chatted away finding out a lot more about each other.

“I told you an awful lot about me and my life story last night Jacquie, tell me a bit more about yourself. How come you are still single, you are an intelligent, pleasant attractive young woman, I had thought that you would’ve been snapped up by now?”.

“It’s a bit like you, I have been so wrapped up in my career that I do not really get the time to socialise, and when I have started on a relationship, they always seem to fall apart before getting serious.”

She went silent for a while, sipping at the glass of wine, deep in thought, before continuing.

“You have been open with me about your life, I owe you the same. My lack of a long-term relationship is not helped by the fact that I am a bit sexually confused, I’ve had close friendships with a few men, Cathal included, and also with a few women too. I can never get to the point of committing to anyone as I feel that it is not fair on them as long as I don’t know where I want to go in life.” She paused waiting for a reaction from me.

“The one thing that I have learned over the past year or so is ‘Just be yourself’, if people are happy with who you are, that’s good, if they aren’t they are not the good friends that you thought they were.”, I quickly replied remembering words that had been said to me when I first went to the book club as Cathy.

Jacquie burst into tears, I went over to her, put my arms around her and hugged her until she was composed again. “Oh Cathy, thank you so much, you are the first person that I have ever talked to about my confused feelings, it is a big weight off my mind that I have at last shared my secret with someone.”

“Hey, who am I to judge anyone, my situation is a bit unconventional as well, we make a good couple together.”

She looked up at me, put her arms around me and gave me a long deep passionate kiss, I grabbed her hand and led her to my bedroom. We both quickly stripped off, letting our clothes drop to the floor, and fell into bed. That night we both released our pent-up confused emotions and later fell into deep contented sleeps.

I was up early the next morning, threw on some leggings and a light top , went down to the kitchen and soon returned with a tray of tea and toast, to find her propped up on her pillow wearing only a big smile.

“That was different, at times I felt I was with Cathy and at times I was with Cathal, and I was extremely happy and comfortable with both. You could very well be the answer to all my problems.”

“Like you I have been putting off getting close to anyone, but all that was forgotten last night. Let’s not get too excited though, caught up in the moment, but I would really love to see where we go after this.”

Most of the morning we stayed in bed, making love, talking about what we wanted to do with our lives, and we finally decided that Jacquie would move in with me for a while to see how it would work out.

Although it was likely to be a waste of money, she wanted to keep her flat as a bolt-hole in case things went pear-shaped for some reason. We drove over to her flat, collected all her clothes, valuables, and all the necessities of life, tidied and cleaned everything, locked up, returned to Tara’s Lodge, and got her settled in.

“I have a meeting of the book club on Friday over the road at Emma’s, and we will be reviewing my latest book ‘Changing Times’ based around the social changes at the end of the 19th century and the growth of the emancipation and suffragette movements. Why not come along and I will introduce you to my friends who went on the Austen weekend with me, they are a friendly bunch and you will be more than welcome. We usually meet mid-afternoon, so we won’t be very far into the discussions by the time you can leave school and get back here. I’ll put a copy of ‘Changing Times’ along with the previous ones ‘Troublesome Times’ and ‘The Class Barrier,’ on your tablet and you can read them and join in if you want.”

Jacquie was made really welcome, but although she was introduced s a good friend of mine, there were lot of knowing smiles from the girls. The review of ‘Changing Times’ went extremely well and it was agreed that I should send it off to the publishers for proof reading and printing. By then, after a glass or two of wine there were a lot of questions about the exact relationship between Jacquie and I, which we mostly fended off with knowing ‘Don’t ask and you will be told no lies’ smiles.

Life soon settled down with Jacquie now permanently moved in with me. Sometimes, especially at the book club, I would appear as Cathy, sometimes when we were out together I would be Cathal, it seemed to suit us both. However our settled quiet cosy life was interrupted by a call from my publisher, Jim Hathaway.

“I realise that you are mostly living as Cathal but I have had requests for Cathy to appear at book signings, including a lecture tour to talk to students at colleges and schools about the lifestyle in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. I know that you try to avoid personal appearances, but this could really improve your public profile. Think about it and let me know.”

“OK Jim, I’ll discuss it with my partner Jacquie and I’ll come back to you later.”

“What do you think Jacquie? It will mean me being Cathy full-time when I am away on the tour and for most of the venues it will mean overnight stays for a few days at a time. I am just getting used to being Cathal again.”

“Just go for it, I’ll be quite happy to stay here by myself, I have got my job as deputy head at school to keep me busy, and the girls in the book club, particularly Emma, are now my friends if I need someone to talk to. Appearing as Cathy is part of your job, it’s like wearing a uniform, I’m perfectly comfortable with it all, as long as Cathal is around too when you are at home.”

In the end I was away for a month and had slipped comfortably into all the mannerisms and attitudes of Cathy again. I had been worried about speaking to classes of students. Teenagers, particularly girls, can be very perceptive and would quickly pick up on any signals that were not quite right, but luckily my persona was never questioned. When I finally got back home after a long and tiring tour schedule I was glad to relax and be Cathal again. As Jim Hathaway had anticipated the sales of ‘Changing Times’ had soared and he was being pushed for the next in the series which I had already decided would be the changing roles of women during the First World War, when they stepped up to fill the previous occupations of their menfolk while they were away in France at the front.

At the next meeting of the book club, following my tour, I didn’t have much to contribute as I had been too busy to read their book of the month, but when they had finished the discussions and questions were all about my trip. As a parting shot I told them about what I had found about the various towns I had visited on the tour.

“When I was in Rochester in Kent, a lovely old town with lots of characterful buildings and streets, I heard about the annual ‘Dickens festival’ celebrating his later life in the town. It’s bit like the Austen Festival in Bath but not on such a grand scale. However it is tied in with the Christmas market when the streets are all festively decorated, market traders and shopkeepers all dressed in Victorian costumes, many townsfolk and visitors also in costume, a grand ball and celebration dinner. Those of you that went to Bath really enjoyed it, does anyone fancy a repeat, Jacquie and I are up for it, she’s looking forward to seeing me in a crinolined ball gown?”

The end

For more details of The Rochester Dickens Festival, follow the link below.
https://www.rochesterdickensfestival.org.uk/index.htm