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C

I awoke refreshed in the morning and my spirits were lifted when I looked out at the breathtaking panoramic view over the village and the River Dulnain to the majestic Cairngorm mountains beyond, and the glorious sunrise over to the east. I thought to myself ‘wouldn’t it be wonderful to wake every day to this view’. Determined to spend some time investigating the estate, for a change I dressed in tweed wool trousers a thick top and my heavy jumper before going down for breakfast.

Kirsty and Morag were there before me and were tucking in to large bowls of warming porridge with plates of a fried breakfast sitting waiting for their attention.

“Is it to be the same for you Mi….Rowan, or do you want something else?” Fiona asked me as I went in and sat at the table.

“That will be perfect thank you Fiona, I intend having a wander around the grounds and estate afterwards and a warming breakfast will be just the job to keep me going.”

“I was thinking the same,” said Morag, “after all those classes at university on environmental studies it will be good to put some of my learning to practical use and see how well the estate is managed.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” Kirsty quickly countered. “I would like to inspect the Lodge itself. Now my basic architectural training is over, I would like to look more into how the house has been constructed and extended over all the years. If I do not get a job offer soon I might stay on at university to do a Masters, and this house would be a wonderful basis for a thesis. Besides, it is quite fresh out there this morning and I prefer to stay inside in the warm.”

“It’s a really big estate girls, about 20,000 acres, that’s about 70 square miles. Even though a big part of it is high moorland and mountain it is still a lot to cover, let me give Hamish a call, I’m sure that he would be happy to take you around in his Land Rover, you’ll get to see an awful lot more.”

Hamish soon came round, bringing some sets of warm wet-weather gear for us. “You don’t want go out onto the estate outside the immediate garden and grounds without being prepared, the weather can turn quite quickly, particularly at this time of year. We keep a stock of the wet-weather gear for when we have the beaters here for the grouse-shooting, they look about the right size for you. What do you want to see today? I can get you up to the lower slopes of the mountain, but not up to the tops, which is a shame as the views are spectacular from up there, on a clear day you can see all the way up to the Moray Firth near Forres. We can drop down through the moors where we have the shoots and come back through the forest, all without leaving the estate.”

“You know best Hamish, that sounds like a full day, particularly if there is anything of interest that we want to stop and look at on the way, have you got the time to spare?”

“It’s not a busy season at the moment except when we have shoots booked, so I’m yours as long as you want.”

Even half-way up the mountain, which was as far as we could get in the Land-Rover, the views were amazing. We heard the bellowing of the red deer and saw some groups in the far distance, but none came close enough for us to have a good look.

“What other wildlife is there up here Hamish.” Asked Morag, more interested in that side of the tour than me?”

“Och, we get all sorts, golden eagles, red kites, wildcats, red squirrels, foxes, mountain hares and a wide selection of birds as well as the grouse. Down in the river through the village you can see otters and salmon, and recently they have even re-introduced a few beavers.

On the way back down through the forest he stopped in a large clearing in the middle of which was a small lake, glistening with the reflections of the low early-morning sun.

“Yon Lochan feeds water down to the Lodge which we use for the gardens, washing, sanitation, thing’s like that, we have a small purification plant for the drinking water. Many years ago it also used to feed a small hydro-electricity turbine to supply the power for the house, but that hasn’t been in use for a long-time since we were connected to the grid, and I would be surprised if it is still working. With the rising costs of electricity nowadays it might be worth me looking into getting it activated again, but we’ll wait and see what happens to the estate first. If you girls are into fishing there is quite a stock of brown trout, roach and perch in there, I occasionally come up here to get some for my tea, if you would like to join me. We don’t get many folk up here for the fishing most prefer to go for the salmon in the river just outside the village.”

After a full day out in the wilds we were looking forward to getting back into the cosy warmth of the Lodge, Hamish dropped us off and went off home, Morag and I went back into the Lodge to find Kirsty helping Fiona in the kitchen getting dinner ready for our return.

“Go and get changed into something drier and lighter, it’s another warming dish for us all tonight, they definitely eat well here.” Kirsty joked with us, “Don’t be too long we don’t want to ruin it after Fiona and I have been slaving over a hot stove for hours getting it ready.”
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After a filling tasty meal of rabbit and potato pie with a mix of home-grown vegetables, followed by ginger sponge pudding and custard, we helped Fiona clear up and then went off to the family lounge as there was something I wanted to talk to the girls about.

“I’ve been thinking girls. Are either of you desperate to get back to Aberdeen? As Kirsty said earlier that she thinks that she could write a Masters thesis on the basis of things we could do here, the same applies to Morag and me. I’m considering asking Alistair if we can stay on here for a while, investigate the Lodge and estate, and write reports on our findings and how the place can be adapted Into the modern age without disturbing its character or debasing its history. What do you think.”

“Do you think that you will manage to pull it off Rowan?”

“I can at least try Kirsty. There are several possible outcomes.
#1 Alistair will tell me that he has sorted things out, the inheritance is mine and we can do whatever we wish.
#2 He will tell me that I have no chance of succeeding. and that we need to go back to Aberdeen and forget about this wonderful place .
#3 He will tell me that it will take a long time to sort things out and that we can stay here until they are decided one way or another.

My guess is that it will be option #3. If he says that, unless you see a long-term future in Aberdeen, we can give up the lease on the house and move in here. Are you with me girls, should I put it to him?”

“What have we got to lose? We can treat what we do here here as work-experience and if things don’t work out it will always look good on our CVs when we have to apply for a career position.”

“It will mean that we would have to commit to complete our surveys, assessments and reports, which will mean at least 3 months, are you willing to put your life and careers on hold and do that.”

“It sounds brilliant suggestion to me, I’m in” replied Morag without any hesitation.

“Me too,” added Kirsty, “but what about you? Unless the legal problems are overcome it would mean you continuing to live as a girl for at least 3 months, do you think that you could manage that?”

“The pair of you have managed it for 21 years or so without major catastrophes, I should be able to manage it for 3 months. Group hug girls, and then another glass of last nights whisky to celebrate, I’ll call Alistair first thing tomorrow morning, it’s a bit late to hit him with this tonight.”

I rang the offices of ‘McIntyre, Grant, and Cameron’ straight after breakfast the following morning, I thought that there was a better chance of Mr Cameron not being involved with a client than there would be later on. A little later his secretary returned my call and I was put through to him,

“Good morning Alistair, thank you for calling me back, your secretary told me when I rang earlier that you were preparing another case for presentation in court later.”

“My pleasure Rowan, it was just a quick divorce hearing, I have just got back to the office, now what can I do for you? There is still no progress on your inheritance claim, if that’s why you are calling. I am still investigating what options are open to us.”

“No, it’s not about that, well not directly anyway. I would like to meet with you to talk about a proposal for the three off us to stay at Dulnain Lodge for a while, but it’s something that I would rather discuss face-to-face. Can I come in to see you?”

“I’ve a better idea than that, I will be in Carrbridge this afternoon on another matter, I could pop over to see you afterwards, if that suits you.”

“That will save me a half-day drive, I’ll have a word with Mrs Mackintosh to see if she has time to make some of those delicious shortbread fingers you seemed so fond of, Or would you rather stay for dinner, you are welcome to join us.”

“Thanks for the offer but I need to get back to Inverness afterwards, though I will say yes to a cup of tea and some shortbread.”

I got together with the girls to agree, now they had slept on it and given it serious consideration, that they were still on board with the idea of staying at the Lodge for a few months. I really wanted to give it a go and it would be a lot more successful with them working with me.

“Alistair did not say no, he seemed quite intrigued as to what we wanted to do, he will be over later so we need to get our act together to present our case as best we can.”

When he arrived, Fiona showed him into the Snug where we were sitting waiting for him and she brought in a large pot of tea, with fresh-baked shortbread for him and currant scones ,jam and cream for us.

“Right Ladies, why have you dragged me over here, tell me more about your proposal.”I noticed that he had included me in the term Ladies’,it seemed that he had already accepted me as a woman and was treating me in the same way as he was treating the others

“Alistair, You told me that the wheels of justice turn slowly and that it may be some time before my claim for inheritance is resolved, In the meantime the house is being kept ticking over and we think that the estate needs a bit of direction. The three of us are recently qualified in relevant professions, me in Land Management, Kirsty in Architecture, and Morag in Environmental Studies, and although inexperienced in the real world, University has schooled us in modern approaches and trends. If we can be allowed to stay here, probably for up to three months we can quickly pull together proposals for some improvements to the Lodge and the estate, and how it is managed. No disrespect to you as the Trustee or Hamish as the Estate Manager, but we suggest that being hands on and living in the Lodge would give us more insight into what is being done really well and where improvements could be made.”

“What sort of fee would you expect for this analysis and report, I don’t want to commit the estate and any future owners to excessive charges.”

“At the moment we are not in employment, have no income, we are not entitled to any benefits, and are living on our meagre savings, so we are willing to do this for just board and lodging, with maybe a nominal amount to cover any day-to-day costs and living expenses we may have. So for the three of us for three months should only be in the order of £4000 to £5000.”

I can’t see a problem with that, you are not being too greedy. Do you want a contract of some sort or can we just do it on trust and cover any payments to you as running expenses for the estate?”

“That’s wonderful Alistair, on trust will be just fine. We need to go back to Aberdeen to get all our things and sort out the lease on our house, so we will probably be away for two or three days, and then we can get started. On another matter, if you have time, we have been talking to Fiona, Mrs Mackintosh, and she and Hamish are a bit worried about their future here. Is it possible for you to talk to them and let them know where they stand?”

“Obviously I cannot at this stage disclose to you what bequests and provisions have been made for them, but there is no reason for me not to tell them the relevant parts of the will. However I can reassure you that your great-aunt has made fair provision for them. Please call Hamish to come over and when he arrives show him and Fiona in here and I will put their minds at ease.”

Leaving Alistair, Fiona, and Hamish to discuss their business in private, we retired to the kitchen where we prepared a tray of sandwiches, cakes, and a fresh large pot of tea which we took in to them, to find them all smiling.

“Wonderful news girls, we have nothing to worry about, the Laird has done us proud in her will, according to Mr Cameron. Thank you for asking him to talk to us. He has also told us that you will be staying on for a while, and that we are to continue to look after the Lodge and estate while you are looking into what can be done here.” Fiona beamed with the good news she had just received.

“While we are staying here, you and Hamish do not have to constantly look after us as you did with the Laird. If you want to take time off, the three of us are perfectly capable of looking after ourselves. We insist that we will help you around the house and in the kitchen Fiona, and you can teach us how to make the wonderful food you have been providing for us, That applies to you as well Hamish, there is a lot you can teach Morag and me about the land and how to care for it and in return we can do a lot of the running around up in the hills for you.”

“Well everyone, I think we can call this a successful day, I had better be making tracks back to Inverness, I will leave you to finish that delicious tea tray and discuss between yourselves the details of how you will all work together. Goodnight Ladies, goodnight Hamish, I hope to be back soon.” Alistair said as he rose, gave a cheery ‘goodnight’ and left.

We left Fiona and Hamish to talk and went off to the warmth of the kitchen, to plan out our future in a bit more detail now that we had an agreement from Alistair.

“Ok girls, it’s now ‘burning our bridge’s time, it’s going to be an exciting three months, let’s all get ready to go back to Aberdeen tomorrow and sort things out, it’s the start of a new life for us all.”

Back in Aberdeen we quickly sorted our lease out with the landlord’s letting agency. They were actually glad see us go, they had a queue of people, mainly new students, looking to live there for three or more years while they completed their courses, whereas they were not expecting us to stay in the city for too long when we went off to start our careers. The house was leased fully furnished, so it was just a simple matter of packing our clothes and the other small personal possessions into our cars.

“What are you going to do with all your old boys’ clothes Rowan, you hardly need them now that you are living as a girl?” Morag, ever the practical one, asked the question that neither Kirsty or I had really considered.

“I’ll just take the good stuff, my suit, Jacket, best trousers, shirt and ties, along with a few bits and pieces that will work as girls’ stuff too, the rest can go in the bin or to a charity shop. One way or another I won’t need them again, my sloppy days as a student are over, and if things don’t work out at Dulnain I will have to find a more professional image.”

After giving the house a tidy up and a quick clean, we were soon ready to leave. With a last look at the house we had all shared together and twith he memories it contained, we bid farewell to our old lives in Aberdeen and were soon settled in at Dulnain Lodge. We took a few days to relax and adjust, wandering the estate, clearing the cobwebs from our minds, and discovering what was in all the 26 rooms of the Lodge, the various outbuildings, and the huts used by the beaters when they were staying on the estate for a shoot.

One morning after breakfast when Morag had gone out to inspect things on the moors, Kirsty asked me to go with her into the study for a bit of privacy as she said that we needed to have a serious talk.

“Rowan, are you sure that you are happy with what you are committing to for the next 3 months? Every day you are becoming more feminine, I don’t know what it is like for you, but I am finding it more and more difficult to see you as anything other than another girl, and sometimes I even forget.”

“Look Kirsty, I find it hard to explain, even to myself, but when I see all the portraits of Isobel and the strong women who followed her, I find myself being drawn to follow in their footsteps and do what I need to do to prove that I am worthy of the title of Laird of Dulnain. If that means dressing as a woman and wearing makeup for a while, so be it, clothes are just bits of material that hang on our bodies, what does it matter if they are shirt and trousers or blouse and skirt?”

“It’s not just the clothes though is it? The way you speak and express yourself, your posture and the way you walk, the attitudes you show, are all becomingly more and more indistinguishable from mine and Morag’s. Fiona and Hamish accept you as a girl and treat you just like Morag and me.I am worried that you are getting to the point when there will soon be no turning back.”

“I am trying to just get on with my life, carrying out my jobs around the Lodge and estate, I get up in the morning get dressed and put on my makeup as if I have been doing it all my life. I do not think 'I am pretending to be a girl today, I am putting on girls’ clothes’, I am just getting dressed and ready to start my work, despite what I am wearing I am still me.”

“Whatever you say, but I am still worried for you. As long as you are comfortable I will say no more, but if it ever gets too much for you and you want to talk about it, I’ll be here for you.”

“Now let’s just get on with what we are supposed to be doing this morning Kirsty, we have a lot of work to do over the next few weeks.”

The three of us threw ourselves into our project for the next couple of months and any thoughts of my conversation with Kirsty were soon forgotten as I just got on with living my working life as a girl, with what I was doing regarding my personal life confined to the back of my mind.

Morag was spending a lot of time outside, sometimes with Hamish, but much of it by herself, surveying the estate, the grounds, the forest, the moorland and the slopes of the mountain behind us, recording what was there and pulling together her thoughts on where improvements to the landscape could be made. We were looking at two main aspects, the quality and sustainability of the estate management, and the financial feasibility of some of the activities that the estate was involved in. We all felt that the estate had been ticking over in recent years and in many ways lagged behind changes in approach that were being developed elsewhere to ensure its continued viability in its current form.

Kirsty was doing something similar with the Lodge itself, initially assessing the soundness and weather-tightness of the building itself, and assessing where maintenance was required or would soon be necessary. She was surprised at what a good condition the building was in, the house was solidly built with thick granite stone walls and a heavy slate roof, virtually all in excellent condition. The solid construction tended to temper the extent of the extremes of weather found over the seasons. maintaining a reasonably comfortable temperature in the harshness of the long winters and the heat from the clear cloudless skies in the short high-summers. Over the years the house had grown from the central core of the Great Hall, kitchen and master bedrooms, and had been added to and extended many times as needs changed, often leading to confused interaction between the various areas. Her main focus became the sometimes inconvenient flow of activities between the various rooms, and what she glibly referred to as ‘major changes to the interior design and fit-out’.

My role was primarily to look at the financial management of the whole estate, and to determine a business plan to add to the range of activities taking place and where there was scope to develop new or enhanced income streams. The estate was just about paying its way, but without a new influx of money could easily start sliding down the slippery slope to financial ruin. It was obvious that new directions were needed if the estate was to continue in its present form without selling off some of the assets or land for commercial development. Every week we all got together for a formal coordination meeting, throwing our findings and suggestions into the melting pot of an overall plan, weeding out the impractical options and agreeing which needed to be more fully developed, while continuing to work on our individual reports and plans.

Soon we had our report completed, and eagerly awaited a visit from Alistair to get his reaction. I hoped that at the same time he could clarify the progress on dealing with my inheritance.

To be continued.