Once upon a time, an Egyptian soldier robbed a Pharaoh's tomb to help feed his large family. A search party was quickly formed, and the best general in the army was sent to apprehend the thief. Knowing this, the soldier decided he would be safe in a nearby ziggurat -- a holy temple. Unfortunately, the ziggurat was quite cold, so the soldier decided to build a small fire to warm himself. Alas, there was no where for the smoke to go, and the soldier ran out of the ziggurat choking and sputtering -- right into the hands of the waiting general.

OK, try this one on for size:

In a room, on a bar, sits an ice cold cup of soda, half full.

An Optimist walks in, sees it, and thinks, "Aah. The glass is half-full. It has the potential to be quite refreshing."
A Pessimist walks in, sees it, and thinks, "Rats. The glass is half-empty. There's not enough in it to quench my thirst."
A REALIST walks in, takes one look at the glass, and screams out, "OK, who's the wise guy that drank half my pop?"

Leila and I were talking last night, and we were discussing what would have happened if Jeff Foxworthy had been transgendered.
Here's some of what we came up with:

And now, without further ado, Ms. Jethrene Foxx, with another installment of "You might Be A Trans Person If..."

If you've ever given makeup advice to a woman, you might be a trans...

If your family didn't know your birth name until you were 27...

If you own a cigarette lighter, and you don't smoke...

Go here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCbuRA_D3KU

For some appropriate entertainment.

I just thought I'd share this. Now I've been singing and playing guitar around my area for the past year but tonight I decided to try something different. I decided to try my hand at stand up, because in my transition there has been some funny instances happen. While I'm not nervous singing and playing guitar at all anymore, tonight I was terrified, I honestly was nervous enough I forgot about 5 minutes of material I had planned but everyone thought it was hilarious anyway. I hope you all get a good giggle at this, I figure it never hurts to share a bit of laughter.

I've seen the word drug used as the past tense of drag in several stories in BC, and it jars me everytime. I know that most (some) dictionaries list it as accepted as well as dragged, but in my area it is definitively s sign of lower educational achievement. It makes me think the character saying the words should be saying "youse guys" and "learnt" as a synonym for taught.

Just wanted to get that off my chest (feeble as it is).

Dawn

Of all the satiric poems that point out the limitations of spell check software (and volunteer editors, for that matter), this one is the best I’ve seen. Sum tang two reed four yore con sit ration bee four righting Amy sing to pub lash.

• An emperor rules an empire.
• A king rules a kingdom.
• A prince rules a principality.
• A duke rules a duchy.
• What rules a country?

Ran across this little tidbit

Lower The Alert To Dress-Con 3

High School | Vandalia, OH, USA | Popular, Prom, Rude & Risque, Students

This morning's news from Big Closet members is very uplifting but when I checked Facebook a friend had posted an old downbeat joke. In the mood of the day I decided to update the joke and here it is:-

A group of Hell's Angels in South Carolina are riding east on 378 when they see a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge, so they stop. George, their leader, a big burly man, gets off his Harley, walks through the group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, who is trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

Well got the house all unpacked and most of everything put away. Maiha and Sam stopped by the new digs to help out. Thankfully they knew where they packed my brains. It seems the girls thought it would be funny to put them in a box marked Yard Tools. That box wound up in the guest bedroom behind the door. Now if they could only find where I packed my sanity I might just be able to get back to writing.

It was the summer of 1940. In order to celebrate the progress made in Spain under Fascism, Francisco Franco decided to hold a grand exposition in Madrid, that would be as big and impressive as any world's fair, but it would be an all-Spanish affair, highlighting progress and prosperity and culture from every city and province.

But the dictator's timetable for the construction and opening of his exposition was hopelessly optimistic, and rumors began circulating of workers dying on the job, and that some of the pavilions seemed like they wouldn't hold together for the two months that the thing was supposed to last. The Department of Public Safety got wind of these rumors, and they sent a building inspector down to the exposition grounds to see what was going on.

Andrew O'Neill is an 'alternative' comedian in the UK. He has a two part comedy slot on BBC Radio 4 at 11:00 pm which started on Tuesday and concludes next Tuesday at the same time. The subject of the first week was on his gender identity, the second will be on sexuality.

I guess Santa is an equal opportunity kisser...

Moderately Confused 12-24-15

I've just seen in Two Ronnies sketch on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd4dcznPedI

It brightened up my day!

Hugs
Sue

AS I AGE - FOOD FOR THOUGHT?

1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.

2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.

3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

4. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

5. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini-vacation.

In leaving a comment, I just came across this entry: "Leave this field blank" -- an imperative without a period. What is this about?

The last couple of days my dog has been trying to play with one of my cats. But every time the dog wanted to play, the cat would jump behind the couch. The dog would just stand that at the edge of the couch, wagging its tail stupidly and being all hot and bothered. It was weird, but I figured the dog had pent up energy and the cats were the only animals around that it could socialize with but the cats wanted none of it.

Julia says some very interesting things about her life and her transition as well as being trans and open about it.

http://theheroines.blogspot.com/2014/05/interview-with-julia...

Catherine Linda Michel

I think I figured out what the outcome of the great bathroom debate will be (to be referred to as Flushgate from here on out).

In the future there will be a wall of doors leading to bathroom stalls. Signs for 'Men' and 'Women' will be replaced with Cis Men, Cis Women, Transmen, Transwomen, Agender, Polygender, Androgynous, gay man, gay women, bi men, bi women, furry - canine male, furry - canine female, furry feline male.... etc.

Is Dotty aware? Has the megayacht in Penmarris harbour got a surface to air missile mounting?

http://m.plymouthherald.co.uk/Russian-bomber-mystery-solved-...

I received a mail in game [ Damoria browser based RTS game I'm forum mod, server admin and english support for it.]

Here is the GROUP dispatch mail I sent in response, with the original mail:
my reply tops the message

um, you do know that I'm going for the sex change op don't you?

Accolade wrote:
-->
gotcha !

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

I'm stalled on another long story I'm writing, so here's a diversion. I can't remember where I heard it first.

A weary-looking man walks into a bar with a shoebox under his arm. He walks up to the bar, sets his shoebox down, and orders a drink.

"Hey, what's in the shoebox?" the Bartender asks.

The man sighs, opens the box, and pulls out an exquisite miniature piano. Then a man in a tuxedo, about a foot tall, gets out of the box, walks to the piano, sits down, and proceeds to play Chopin.

"That's amazing!" the bartender says. "Where did you get that?"

Mr. Ford wins in my book. I'd be over it too.