Well, I had the WORST flashback I have ever experienced last night, and to say I'm not in a good place right now is putting it mildly.

well, my reading of my poem at church went well. A number of people came up afterward to tell me they were moved by it, and as a bonus, my brother was there and I think he liked it too. Much yayness!

The other day my mom took me out for lunch, and as we entered the restaurant, I noticed a young man (Mid 20's at a guess) wearing a suit and tie. It suddenly occurred to me that a man in that outfit is .... interesting. He was handsome enough that I'm sure I would have done the double look no matter what he was wearing, but the suit really added something.

I'm just glad that the fact I did the double look doesnt freak me out as much. Still freaks me out, mind, just not as much ....

Ah, well.

As a writer, I love words. I love trying to learn where they come from, how they came to mean what they mean, how some words have changed meanings over time, and how some words can have deeper and stronger meanings to a single person.

One word that's like that for me is the word "rape". I always use it to describe what happened to me over "molested", because for me, what happened fits "rape" better. "molested" sounds softer, somehow, only "rape" seems to have the meaning I need when talking about what happened to me.

Well, apparently, there has been a change of plans. Instead of reading the poem at the lunch, I will be reading it during the church service. Anybody who lives in Edmonton is welcome to come, and prayers and good wishes are appreciated, as I havent spoken in front of so many people before ....

last night, I made my supervisor squeal like a fangirl last night by mentioning the TARDIS .....

giggles.

well, after church today, the Affirm group met to discuss the upcoming Pride week, and one of the things that will take place is a special lunch on Sunday after the service, followed by a guest speaker. During this conversasion, my poem "Dear God" got mentioned, and in the end they would like me to read it aloud at this lunch.

I cant remember the last time I spoke in front of people, so this could be interesting on that front, but I'm incredably humbled to be asked.

It will be on June 9th, and I'm hoping someone can film it so I can make a link afterward.

I got a package from the clinic where, God willing, I will be getting my SRS done. While I could spend my time wishing and dreaming about the day I'm post-op, I've decided to take another approach. I'm going to enjoy the now, be grateful for what I have, and try my best to keep looking on the bright side of things. I will probably slip once in a while, and sometimes, I will suffer from depression or PTSD attacks, but I'm really going to do my best to keep my head up.

Wish me luck, okay?

Well, yesterday I mentioned that wearing a skirt felt so good I could feel my blood pressure drop, and it turns out that wasnt a figurative statement. I went to get my estrogen prescription refilled and used the blood pressure machine while I waited, and my blood pressure was 109/88 - a significant drop from before where I was hovering around the danger zone.

too bad I cant wear skirts all the time, but ah, well.

"Snapshots" is the word I use to describe most of my stories. When I get it right, I can invoke a mood, or an idea, but do it in as few words as I can manage. They are not usually intended to give a lot of details (to do that would be like comparing the story to a movie rather than a snapshot), but instead force the reader to fill in some of the descriptions for themselves, individualizing the story to an extent.

I am in serious crisis. my car's bumper finally fell off, and in a panic I went to my dealership and got talked into a new car, and honestly, its more a month than I think I can handle. I dont know what to do. I signed the paperwork, I'm committed, and I'm close to calling a crisis line ....

Help?

here is an interesting article on being trans:

http://www.autostraddle.com/im-a-trans-woman-and-im-not-inte...

Well, I had a productive day off today. I cleaned my room, getting rid of 1 bag of garbage and 1 bag of clothes and accessories for goodwill.

Feels nice.

That's how long I've been at this site, according to my profile.

So happy anniversary to me!

I dont know when it started, but I found myself thinking about Kylie while I'm at work. I can picture her face, hear her voice, remember things we've said to each other, and its .... Oh lord, I am in loooooove ....