As I sat in the boarding area of my flight I had a chance to reflect on the past week or so. It has left me with a few answers but also with many questions. Am I really ready to transition and go all the way to be the woman that my mind portrays to me? There are a lot of variables that I have to consider if I go that route.

First, I would have to be honest and upfront about this recent foray into femininity. There would be questions and there would be those who reject my femininity. There is the family mine and others to consider. As I once learned from another trans woman some people see the transformation as a loss, a death of the person transitioning. In some ways they are right as the old self is shed from the chrysalis of transformation and a new person appears.

The grief caused by the loss is somewhat too large to get over by some who are and were close to the former self. The person causing the grief through the transition though then becomes the object of the anger and scorn because they caused the loss. People do have expectations and when those expectations are not met (through change of the person) they are disappointed. When they are disappointed, they tend to become frustrated when their expectations are not met by someone else.

I do intend to come back as my feminine self, and explore it further. I might make it a test to see how others react if I pose the transition change to them. Yes, it is a place I need to explore. Hopefully I will make the right decision for me even though it might not be right for others.