Okay, so something happened last night I have to talk about, even though I don't know if I have the right words.

I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and when I returned, I laid on my stomach, and for some reason, bent my knees so my feet were in the air.

And then, out of nowhere, this image came into my head of a beautiful woman, in the same position I was, also naked, and my perspective of this was like a camera passing over her, and I thought of a director including this shot in a movie because while she was nude, you don't see anything naughty from the camera angle.

Join Dottie as she plays detective on a 5,000 year old murder case!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/107032/law-and-order-...

As the world seems to spiral down into darkness, I am reminded of something Fred Rodgers said.

He said "look for the helpers"

Look for the EMTs, the nurses, the doctors, those volunteering in soup kitchens and donation depots. But also look for those doing small things like helping a neighbor clear their sidewalk or visiting a senior home. In times of cruelty, look for kindness, look for mercy.

So I got a new story up, and got some encouraging news about Sharon.

She went to a doctor to get medical info for applying for unemployment, and it looks like Sam will have a part time job being a aide to a young disabled man.

So double good news (I hope!)

by the way, the story is here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106912/charm-ing-gift

So last night I dreamed I was back and school, and even though I was doing okay in class, I felt like there was a barrier between me and the other students, one I could see through, but could never cross. I would never truly connect with them, nor they with me.

That's pretty much how I felt in real life too - and I still struggle with feeling like that today.

So I looked at my account this morning, and realized I had actually missed my 16th anniversary of being a member of Big Closet.

Boy, its been a busy 16 years!

but besides the changes I have undergone since, one thing remains - this place is a big part of my life, and I continue to be grateful to Erin and her elves who keep this place running.

so my brother had another medical crisis and went back to the hospital - only to be released later.

Meanwhile, I went and saw Thunderbolts, and all I will say is I really relate to Bob. Like him, I carry darkness that is very dangerous . . .

So my brother was taken to the hospital today because his heart issues are getting worse.

All hugs and prayers accepted.

New story up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106310/law-and-order-...

Its very different, so I hope people will read and comment!

Been a rough couple of days, struggling with PTSD, Dysphoria, and worrying about my family as my mom has been struggling lately, and we still don't know what is going on with my brother.

Anyway, I am accepting hugs and prayers, if you want to send them my way.

I found out today that my brother will have a pacemaker implanted in 6 weeks. Despite this, my sister doesn't seem very optimistic, and told me she got a black dress in case she needs to hold his funeral.

I got a new story up, please read and leave a comment!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106026/topside

So last night, I dreamed I killed a man.

I was following him up some kind of tunnel or shaft, and it led to a rocky platform. I grabbed the man, and threw him off the platwform.

And since he landed face first on something hard a long way down, I figured he was dead.

weirdest part was I didnt seem fazed by the fact I had just killed.

I dont know if I wanna know why my brain came up with that dream . . .

just so no one panics, my computer is down, so I will not be online for a bit.

everybody take some huggles to keep you busy till I get back!

So last night, I dreamed I was a superhero.

I had this gun that would stun someone without permanent damage.

I got summoned to join a group of other heroes facing off a group of villains.

I was doing well, when suddenly I was hit with a case of dysphoria so bad I could barely walk, and one of the other heroes half carried me to our target.

Dont ask me, folks.

so my subconscious has decided to let me graduate from school, and now sends me dreams of being in the working world.

For the last week or so, I have dreamed of working in a daycare, at a water park, a newspaper office, and last night, working as a manager at a restaurant.

Since I never did any of those jobs in real life I am not sure where they are coming from, or what my subconscious is trying to tell me, if anything.

My brain is weird, which probably doesnt come as a surprise to anyone here.

I honestly don't know what impression I make here. I suspect most of you see me as some combination of Happy Fun Time Huggle Giver, and Woman Who Constantly Sabotages Her Own Life and Then Whines About It.

Well, sadly, I have to do the later, and 2025 is not going well for me.

I have had several issues with my car, including repairing the undercarriage, replacing the battery, and most recently, replacing the tires, and now it seems I am not done yet, as my check engine light turned on today.

Bit of a tough day today, as my car battery died, and with the extreme cold I had to wait quite a while for a tow.

But honestly, one of the worst parts of the whole experience was constantly being called sir on the phone with the towing company, despite my attempts to correct the lady.

I know it's not as big a thing as what many people, including people I love, are going through, but it still hurt

When I first started going out as myself, I got to talk to a lot of women who told me they didn't like most of the feminine stuff.

They would avoid dresses and skirts and the rest unless they had no choice.

I got the impression they saw being feminine as being less, which is an attitude I would expect from guys, but it was a little strange to hear it from women.

Me, I would have given anything to be allowed to be feminine, so hearing women say they saw it as at best kind of meh . . . well, I really dont know what to make of that.

So, the events in the states has me feeling very helpless, which is triggering my PTSD rather badly.

all hugs and prayers appreciated.

so I have been getting this reoccurring image, and I think I will have to figure out a story to go with it.

Here is the image:

There is a new form of VR, that taps into the brain of the user, to produce an avatar of their inmost self.

A group of trans people have been offered the chance to be beta testers, and being very attracted to the idea, they say yes.

The initial setting is a park, and one by one, the group comes in, getting to see their authentic selves, many for the first time.