so, I found out something interesting yesterday. I had spent a good part of the day walking, and to my delight my joints were not bothering me despite the cooling temperatures.

I assumed it was because of the weight I had lost, but last night, as my manic phase eased, the pain came back.

It makes sense, my manic phase is a lot like being drunk or being high, both known for blocking pain, I had just never made the connection before.

So, I think I set some kind of record today.

I managed to be both hyper and depressed at once.

I was pretty sure that wasn't possible, but I guess I underestimated my brain's ability to be terrible to itself.

Ah, well, just another adventure.

So today when my brother came over, he told us he has been dealing with serious blockage in his heart, to the point they have given him a nitro pen to inject himself with if needed.

I could use all the hugs you guys can send.

Things are getting worse here in Alberta.

The provincial government apparently announced that it will no longer cover SRS.

Now, this won't affect me directly, as my health isnt good enough for the surgery, but I feel for any Albertans who were hoping to get it.

But that's not the worst of it. The ruling party is having a convention right now, and one of the ideas being debated is bringing in a bathroom bill, basically banning someone like me from the using the lady's room.

I bought some expensive supposedly indestructible tights - I got a run in them putting them on the first time.

I just cant wear pretty things.

sighs, hugs appreciated.

there has not been an official announcement of the winners of the caption contest. I know I didnt win, but maybe there should be a shout out to the ones who did?

So I went swimming today, and while in the pool, I found myself thinking about 2 moments from my childhood.

The first involved a time when I was high school, I was curious about the name for the pants worn by Madonna (they were Capri pants, in case you were wondering) and had asked a gaggle of girls, when one growled at me and asked if I wanted to know so I could buy a pair to wear.

I was taken aback by her anger, because I didnt know why at the time.

I want to talk about choices for a moment.

See, I dont really trust myself, so when faced with decisions, I tend to turtle and try and avoid the situation. Of course, not choosing is in fact making a choice, and can have consequences.

But there is a more subtle way this works for me, and that happens if someone is offering me advice on the choice.

I find myself wanting to just hand the choice over to them, so I dont have to deal with it.

So last night, I had a radically different dream.

After having some adventures driving down a steep hill and then trying to find a way back up, I found myself outside a school. One of the teachers came and took me to the office, saying they needed to enroll me.

Now here was the really interesting part.

I told them I did not belong to that reality, so I could not be enrolled.

The office had a large computer, and at first agreed I did not belong in that reality, but then it glitched, and said that I now belonged there, so the teachers enrolled me.

So apparently, we are not done with repercussions for the Move that Wasn't.

See, back when we were sure we were moving, my mom put a stop on automatic withdrawals from our current landlord, which was supposed to start at the end of September.

Then we didn't move and asked the bank to restart the automatic withdrawals again.

But then, our landlord called us and said they were unable to withdraw September's rent.

So we went to the bank, and discovered that not only had the stop had been applied to September, the restart we had asked for had not happened.

I have been looking for positives about The Move That Wasn't, and I think I found one.

See, for years, one of the shelves on my bookcase was not right, because it was missing a support piece in one corner. I always meant to get around to fixing it, but never did, mostly because I didn't know where I would put the books.

Well, once I had boxed all my books for the move, I finally fixed it, finding a replacement for the supporting piece.

So, I guess that is a positive, right?

So I managed to snap a support strut on my bed. You add a broken computer chair, a broken recliner, and a car that needs an overhaul, I could use to win a lottery.

If the universe would stop beating me up for a bit, that would be great.

Huggles appreciated, as always.

my entry in the caption contest is up! please leave kudos and comments!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/103539/manikin-man-i-can

we got a letter from our landlord saying they got hacked and its possible that our info got out.

this is becoming an epidemic. can it be stopped?

As if packing wasn't stressful enough, I think I am going to have to make time for a doctor's visit because of my right foot. I found out today I can't handle being in any kind of shoe that doesn't have some support, so my open toed sandals are a no.

Sighs . . .

Just came up with this little snippet of a story and wanted to share.

The Encounter
My guest had gone to clean up, so I went to the kitchen to make us some food, but before I could finish, I heard a scream coming from the bathroom.

I walked over to it, and when there was another scream, I tried the door.

Fortunately, my guest had not locked it, so I went in to find her cowering in a corner, naked, and pointing at the shower.

If you ever look at a list of the most stressful things that can happen to you, moving is pretty high on the list.

And I should know, having moved a large number of times.

but stressful or not, I am moving again.

The only good thing is the place we are going to looks pretty darn good.

I would ask for hugs, but then I gotta pack them . . .

Okay so last week, I had to get some cavities filled, and is always the case, they had to sedate me.

Once it was over, one of the nurses helped me get to our car, and Mom drove me home.

Except . . .

I can place myself in the driver's seat for the drive home, even though that is impossible.

And so I find myself shaken, wondering what other memories I have are fake, especially the memories I have recovered of the abuse I suffered as a child, as one of the few things I am sure of is my abuser used sedation on me.

hugs appreciated.

I have been trying to set up my new computer, and for the most part I am happy with it, but I do have some minor issues I have not been able to fix. its mostly the keyboard, as somehow when I try the key for the apostrophe and the quotation marks, I get this instead: è È.

I have tried to reconfigure the keyboard, but so far, no luck.

It is not a major thing, I can live without them, but it is kind of annoying, and it has slowed my writing.

Ah, well,

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with my brother.

I think I can finally admit I've been jealous of him pretty much my whole life.

As a kid, I wanted to be able to catch up to him in school, to be competitive with him at ping pong, or play the guitar like he did.

And even when we became adults I always felt like I was not as good as him. He managed to overcome his issues and succeed at college, and get a good job as a programmer, while I failed three times to get a higher education and barely managed to get a certificate as a Nurse's Aide.

yesterday, we went to a graduation party for my daughter's friend Jason.

And while there, I was introduced to a 4 year old girl who apparently decided I needed a hat to complete my look, and gave me hers.

We traded the hat back and forth, and then she upped the ante by giving me not only the hat but a small suitcase filled with her toys.

The whole thing almost made up for being called "Todd" the whole night.

Almost.

well, believe it or not, I managed to bang out a third entry in the "Fresh Start" contest!

you can read it here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/102626/star-tower

please kudo and comment if you like it!