Well, I went to the hospital today, but I didnt get a full visit with my doctor, but I was able to get an appointment with him for tomorrow morning. He said very likely they will increase the dosage on my anti depressants, in the hope that will also help with my PTSD attacks.

not a good night last night.

Had a really bad PTSD attack, and at the end of the night I was in a lot of pain.

Then I found out I didnt get the job I applied for.

sighs ...

Well, I had the kind of day that reminds me of why its worth it to skip sleep and go to church on Sundays.

Not long after I arrived at the church, my knee decided to start hurting like crazy, which set off my PTSD. So one of the ladies went and got me some painkiller, sat me down in a comfortable chair, and held me for almost a half hour, stroking my hair and telling me I was safe.

I am very grateful for her, and for all the people there who tried to comfort me today.

Is it time for Alberta to ditch the Catholic School Board?

That is the question that is being asked in the wake of a horrible display of immaturity by the Edmonton Catholic School Board Trustees at a meeting on Tuesday about how best to accommodate trans students. Supposed adults elected to the board yelled over each other, called each other names, and said horrible things about trans kids.

So now, we can hope that in the cold light of day people take some responsibility, show some maturity, and try a little kindness towards trans kids.

Well, yesterday I got a bit of bad news/good news about my hip.

I was helping Sharon get some stuff done for Samantha, and I complained about my hip. She brought me to her doctor, who got a copy of the x-ray I had done at the hospital. He told me there were signs of arthritis as well as bursitis in my hip, and he wanted me to go for an CT scan to see what else we could learn before deciding on a treatment.

But on the other hand, he didnt even blink when I told him I was transitioning - in fact he asked me which way I was going!

okay, I noticed something strange at work last night. The last while, I start my shift okay, slowly get more and more depressed until lunch, and then slowly recover till I am mostly okay when I am heading home.

Weird, huh?

Just wanted to say thank you to all the people who sent me messages of encouragement yesterday, and especially the ladies on the big closet chat site who talked with me for more than an hour to make sure I was okay.

Huggles for everybody !

Okay, here is a bit of a giggle for you all.

When I got my tire replaced, I was told I would have to come back in to get something done after 50 k or so, so when I woke up this afternoon I phoned about making an appointment.

Now, because I had to sign legal stuff, I was using my male name when talking with the guy.

Except that when he was talking to me on the phone, he called me ma'am.

Apparently, my voice is feminine enough that he ... slipped up, as it were.

Not that I mind ...

Giggles.

Well, I am back connected again!

(Does a happy dance)

There have been a lot of cases of sexual assault in the news lately, and as a result I've been hearing a lot about ''closure". In most cases, its referred to in relation to whether or not an abuser can be charged with a crime.

Sadly, that's not an option for me, so the question becomes, can I still get "closure" if I cant watch my abuser be locked up for his crime?

I think I can.

Doing what I'm doing now, slowly healing, becoming stronger, getting support from my many friends, praying and writing and living my life.

That's my plan, at any rate.

Just so nobody worries, I wont be around much the next while, between packing, moving, and (hopefully) hooking up in the new place.

Take care of each other, and take care of yourselves.

And have some huggles to give you warm fuzzy thoughts till I get back!

HUGGLES!

Well, yesterday I got berated for an hour by my aunt saying I neglected my grandmother and now I'm killing my mother.

I think my aunt's comments hit me harder than I realized. I struggled all night at work with feeling worthless, feeling like the world would be better off without me.

I am seriously considering going to the hospital to get my hip checked out.

It used to just hurt near the end of my shift at work, but I woke this morning in terrible pain and I didn't even work last night.

Had another tough day yesterday. Didn't sleep well, and then my aunt phoned me and yelled at me, saying I was the reason my mom was gonna be homeless, that she's bankrupt because of helping me and my ex, and so on.

Sighs ...

I REALLY got to get better at bookmarking stories I like.

Once again, I need help finding a story.

It was about a wager between Heaven and Hell, with a young boy as the subject. He's granted superpowers, but in the process ends up a girl.

Any ideas?

Well, I got a letter in the mail yesterday saying that I have officially paid off my student loan.

Took a long, long time, but its gone.

Now, I just have to pay off the accident I had last year, and all I will have for debt is my car ...

(Dottie does a happy dance)

Yesterday, I went and got my oil changed, and while I was waiting a man came in with a small dog. We sat beside each other, while the dog sniffed around and accepted pets from the people who were sitting and waiting. But if someone was standing up, and tried to pet the dog, he'd back up, unsure of the situation.

Anyway, after I had paid for the service and was about to leave, the man and the dog were approaching the till, and the dog, without any hestiation, went up to me and licked my leg (I was in a skirt).

The man said, "He likes you. He can tell you're a good person."

This is not a drill!

A large group of huggles has escaped to the internet, and may end up in a inbox near you!

Experts suggest letting them huggle so they dont get discouraged. Nobody wants to see a sad huggle ...

I had an amazing day with my daughter today. Took her to a museum, looked at some dinosaurs, watched a movie about dinosaurs, and she was very happy to have a day with me.

I am so grateful I still have her in my life, despite my mistakes and my transition.

And now, just for fun, a song that's (sort of) about dinosaurs ..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fGQzIE-nmM

I am not one of those people who thinks that "big boys/girls dont cry".

In fact, I think there some times when crying is exactly what you should be doing, and that crying can be good for you.

That said, I prefer to have a reason to cry, so what happened on my way to work last night was frustrating.

Out of the blue, for no reason I could figure, I was suddenly enveloped by grief, and it was all I could do to keep my car on the road until the feeling passed.

Ah, well.

Just curious what people's opinions would be ... what BC story would make a good movie?

If its not too egotistical, I think my "Rock Star Makeover" could work.