At my counseling session today, my counselor suggested I find a way to process all the grief I went through as a kid by having some kind of mourning ritual. The death of my father, the loss of my innocence, the "burying" of my girl self, all need to be grieved over. I'm not sure what form this should take, but it sounds like a good idea.

Boy, if that doesnt get people reading, nothing would, giggle. But its more than just a "hook" , it really happened to me. It was like this: I was in high school, and found a small circle of friends playing Dungeons and Dragons. A couple of the girls who were part of that circle became very close to me. I think if I had been a genetic girl I would definitely called them my BFf's . Well, one summer day, one of them had invited me and the other to hide in their basement from the heat.

I was reading a story that mentioned some things that girls apparently do instinctively, and it set off a round of "TG PMS" where I found myself wondering - do I do those things? Did I do them as a child? And what if I didnt, what does that make me? I'll be okay, it will pass, but it sucks.

I'm kinda stuck in terms of a transition. I cant change my name until I get my birth certificate, and I 'm stuck waiting for the forms. But I'm feeling desperate to feel like I'm making progress, and I dont know what else I can do in the meantime.

Ah, well.

I do not want to alarm any one here but you may not of noticed that a large white wolf has been watching you ,from the cover of the shadows, all sitting around the camp fire the rest of you refer to as BC. This wolf watched for a couple of years before leaving the first foot prints about 1year 44weeks ago. Now the wolf has sat next to Bailey Summer and had the pleasure of her company. Yes the wolf is me and yes I come to be a comrade not looking for a cheep lunch.

Several people from different compartments of my life have asked me to write my autobiography and I am finally feeling well enough to take on such a task. It will be a transgender (inter-sex) story, and it will also include every aspect of my life, including my success, failures and embarrassing moments. It will include all aspects of my spiritual journey.

I still have a lot to think about, but I think if it has to be sugar coated to avoid offending someone, then it is not worth the effort. It will include it all both smelly and fragrant.

Well, I was going to share about my trip to the endo doc in a skirt, but I made the mistake on my way home of turning on the radio in time to hear the sentence for Graham James for raping two kids while their hockey coach. Two years. Two years for destroying two lives. Two years for humiliating two teen boys into being his sex toys. I'm going to scream and cry into a pillow now.

I know a LOT of people have been waiting for this for far, far too long. Now that I've got a timetable, and even more, my Muse (or whatever I'm calling inspiration) has decided it's time.

In two weeks I expect to send the next chapter in my Comdex series to the editors. Hopefully, that means in about three to four weeks I'll be posting it.

Today I had my first counseling session so I can transition. It went very well. I am happy that the counselor doesn't want to dwell on the past, because neither do I. I am tired of doing counseling where I relive all the past traumas of life. Let's leave it in the past where it belongs and live in the now. I am not disassociating with my past, I'm not saying it didn't exist or that it happened to the boy I am not, but I'm tired of being depressed about things. The counselor is an F2M which proves body swapping should be legalized and we can all find the body we are happy with.

One of the biggest improvements I've noticed is with my hair. Not only is it softer than its been in years (feels like silk to the touch, no lie), but its now long enough that I can actually feel it move. I'll be walking along, and I can feel my hair bounce, and it feels so feminine and just ... right. Like something I hadnt even realized was missing has been returned to me.

Now, if I could only do something about the bald spot in the front....

Things can get complicated at times.

Work is finally back to a (relatively) sane level, and I'm *finally* able to settle in and start pecking away at Maureen's 'to-do' list.

I'm finding that, for Amazon's Boot Camp chapter, there are too many things going on to keep everything on track without first writing each thread separately and then weaving everything together. Far more time consuming, but 'ya gotta do what ya gotta do.'

The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #36: Back home! To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

Moe n I are back home. Yayyy!

Just wanted to give a public thank-you to Tels who took time yesterday to talk to me by phone. Thank you hon.

The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #35: Imitation of a Regular Life (2 of 2) To see all of my Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

I am a post-op TG girl, as many know, and I have had to make adjustments over the years - from the simpler, visible side of things, like the way I dress and act and sound (and even smell heehee), to more complicated things like learning new ways to live, to relate to others, and to be happy.   No choice, really, especially after I had changed what my therapist calls my "basic physical parameters," which is 21st century doctor-speak for HRT, SRS and the other plastic surgeries.

It's real difficult adjusting to a feminine life.   That's not to say it's unwanted - after all, these are the things I needed to do to accomplish the magical transition that I had desperately wanted, and eventually  have the life I have dreamed about - to have my imitation regular life.

I was chatting with my friend Kylie yesterday on IMVU while my daughter was over, and she cuddled up close to me and watched me typing.

She looked at the avi of Kylie, and asked "Is she like you?"

I said, pointing at our avatars, "she's a pretty girl, like I am, see?"

My daughter then said, "No. Is she .... Like you?"

I said Yes, she's a boy on the outside, but a girl on the inside."

She just held on to me, and said nothing.

Does this mean she's getting the idea about me?

I had a good session, with one of the things I did was have an exercise where I pretended to punch my rapist, taking time to see how my body moved, what muscles I would use, and so on. Being given permission to be angry at him in a safe place felt pretty good.

I had forgot to mention a little incident that happened between my ex and my mom on Thursday night. They had a open house at the school my daughter will attend next year, and after a presentation, they were supposed to take a tour in small groups starting with the people at the back of the auditorium. My ex, my mom, and my daughter were at the front, but my ex grabbed my daughter and ran to join the first group, leaving my mom behind. Unable to keep up, my mom decided to skip the tour entirely and went to her car to wait.

The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #34, Imitation of a Regular Life (1 of 2) To see all of my Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

There are so many things that have happened to me these past seven or so years, though I know that all I have gone through don't even compare to one-tenth many of those here in BC have gone through.   But these changes of fortune and ups and downs in life are mine own, and they have helped to shape what I am now, whatever that is, which includes my attitudes, my beliefs, my points of view on life, and so many other things.

Being in a foreign land makes one look at one's life from a fresh perspective.   I suppose because the people around you look at you differently, forcing you to re-assess who and what you really are - to see yourself from a different perspective.

Hence this blog.

I was hosting/emceeing an anime event at a mall yesterday when one of the contestants in the cosplay (costume play) segment asked, while waiting for his turn to go on the catwalk, whether I had joined any pageants because I was pretty and had a good voice. Though I agree on the voice part I didn't believe the pretty part. I know I look okay, but not good enough for pageants. The guy asking has had some fame (or infamy) in our country because he has had multiple surgeries to look like Clark Kent / Superman. He also happens to be a trainer / coach in beauty pageants.

You know, not that long ago, I would be moaning over my status as being somewhere between male and female. But I seem to have found a kind of peace about where I am right now. Good thing, since this is the level that I will probably be stuck at for the rest of my natural, since surgery is out of my reach.

Sure, it would be nice to be able to go to the pool without being a freak, but that's life.

I'm Dorothy, and I dont need no stinking surgery to know that.

Well, I've written a little epilog to "Six Forty-Five", and I'll publish it tomorrow. With that little piece of business out of the way, I might be able to get back to focusing on my "Quest" story. Hopefully, it will be a bit more popular ....

Meanwhile, I feel a lot better for having written this, so at least in that way it hasn't gone to waste.

I talked with two of the people i was resisting telling about my forward momentum today. My Eldest Sister and My Father.

A short poem i wrote about 6 years ago. i hope you enjoy it.
Diana

So yesterday a telemarketer called my cell phone -again-. I really wish I could figure out a way to get that to stop... Anyhoo... I answered it with "Hello", and they asked if they could speak to my male name as though there was no way on earth he was already speaking to them. I said speaking. And they were seriously shocked. They asked, in a disbelieving tone: Are you really Andrew? As though there was absolutely no way on earth I could possibly be Andrew.