Becoming Robin By Zoe Taylor Things Left Unsaid   “Ally,” I began, as I slowly pulled myself out from under the covers and gave her another hug, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you, but I didn’t know how you’d react. I was scared I’d push you away.” Her expression shifted, now a mix of uncertainty and concern, as though she knew what I wanted to say. “We need to talk about the incident.”

---

Author's Note:
While Becoming Robin is "officially" finished, there were a couple of key plot elements that were left unresolved. I had planned all along to write an epilogue semi-standalone chapter to tie up these loose ends and provide closure.

Due to the nature of the ending being drastically different from what I had originally written (and, in my humble opinion, MUCH better this way ;-)), I had to completely rewrite the epilogue piece. I've tried to capture the spirit of the novel here, while answering some final questions, and giving Allison and Nicole a chance to breathe now that Robin's crisis has passed.

On a final note, the scene with Andrea is the one I mentioned awhile ago that Megan Campbell's Sarah Carerra inspired, so consider this an homage to one of my favorite ongoing serials, as well ;-)
~Zoe

---

 

I spent the entire rest of the day at the hospital with Mom, well into late evening. It took her doctor coming down to ask us nicely to let her rest before we finally exchanged hugs-and-kisses, and said good night.

‘I love you sweetheart,’ her words echoed in the back of my mind as Nicole and I cuddled on the sofa back at the house. I can’t say ‘home’ anymore because, to my mind, Margie’s place felt like home, and besides, Mom had already said she didn’t want to pull me away from my new friends.

My new friends were exactly what I kept thinking about though. Once the shock of everything had finally ebbed away, I realized just how much I missed Allison. Through it all she had been right there beside me, and I really wished she could be here now.

“Robin? What’s wrong?” Nicole’s soft, sweet tone shattered my thoughts.

I tilted my head to stare at her sleepily.

“I know that look. You’re upset about something. What is it? You know you can tell me,” she offered quietly as she nestled closer.

I exhaled slowly as I rested my head against her shoulder. “I miss Ally. Well, Jennifer too, but with Ally it’s … different. Remember the night I brought Natalie into our cabin, how Ally freaked right out on her?”

Nicole gave a slow nod, “Yeah. I thought she was going to kill you both with her toothbrush.” She chuckled a little. “What about it?”

“It’s what she said that night, about her hatred for the guy that tried to attack us. Awhile ago when we were jogging, she told me she was having bad dreams because of the incident. And now I’ve gone and abandoned her too.”

Nicole nodded slowly, “Me too. I mean, she’s like, my best friend, and I didn’t even think to ask if she wanted to come. I’m sorry Robin.”

“And it’s way too late to call the camp and try to talk to her.” I heaved a long, drawn out sigh. “I’m… gonna head up to bed, try and get some sleep. I’ll try and call the camp in the morning.”

Nicole smiled a little as she kissed my cheek, giving me a squeeze, “Alright. I’m going to stay up a bit longer. Sweet dreams, cutie.”

I laughed quietly. “Sleep well, vampire.” After a soft kiss goodnight, I slipped off up to bed.

It seemed like hours before I could finally find sleep, and even then my dreams were plagued with the unsettling thoughts that Allison might become the next Crystal. It seemed my restless subconscious couldn’t make up its mind, so to speak, about which it felt more, as I found myself shifting between vivid dreamscapes of wondrous times ahead, and the thought of losing Allison and Jennifer’s friendships.

I awoke with a start. A familiar, yet altogether unexpected soft hand rested gently on my shoulder. It wasn’t Margie’s, or even Nicole’s. I blinked several times. It couldn’t be!

“… Ally?” I asked blearily as I sat up, staring.

She giggled. “Hey you.”

“What... How…?”

“Unlike you and Nikki, I don’t mind flying Coach.” She winked as she wrapped me in a tight hug. “Camp just wasn’t the same without you, so I called Mom and asked her if I could leave early to come out here. I hope you don’t mind?”

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I held her tightly. “Of course I don’t! If I had my way I would’ve brought the entire cabin with me. Ally, I am SO sorry for leaving you like that,” I sobbed.

Nicole came around the corner a moment later, grinning. “I already told her what we were talking about last night. You didn’t get any sleep either, did you?”

I laughed weakly, “How could you tell?”

“Probably by the fact that it’s already noon,” Allison teased, kissing my forehead. “And really, it’s okay. I’m okay. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. You were just excited. I would’ve been too.”

“So how long can you stay?” I didn’t know how long it would be before Mom was discharged, but I knew I’d want to spend a lot of time with her, which would be detrimentally boring to the girls.

“A few days. We’re flying back to Connecticut on Monday, but Mom and I wanted to see if there’s anything we could do to help. Kelly’s letting us stay with her in the meantime.”

“Ally,” I began, as I slowly pulled myself out from under the covers and gave her another hug, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you, but I didn’t know how you’d react. I was scared I’d push you away.”

Her expression shifted, now a mix of uncertainty and concern, as though she knew what I wanted to say.

“We need to talk about the incident.”

She quickly shook her head. “No, we don’t. I don’t want to think about it, or him, ever again.”

Nicole quickly moved to her side, putting her arms around her. “Ally, Robin’s right. You haven’t been the same since the attack, and you need to talk to someone about it. I … we … don’t want you to become another Crystal!”

Nicole broke down and started crying as she hugged her close. Her words echoed exactly what I was thinking. I wrapped her in a hug from the other side.

“Crystal bottled things up. She didn’t get help for her problems, and then when it became too much, she…” I trailed off, shaking my head. “Ally, we love you. We only want to see you safe.”

She glanced between the two of us slowly, “Is that why you both felt so guilty about leaving me like that?”

We both nodded in unison, causing her to smile a little as she wrapped her arms around us. “I love you both so much. I could never… I WOULD never do that. Yes, I am still upset about the incident, and I’ll admit, I felt a little left out when you just up and left, but I understand where you were coming from.

“Nikki explained to me earlier that it was her doing that let you leave so quickly, and like I said, I don’t mind flying Coach a day later. I’m just… I’m just really happy you both do care about me so much. I don’t know where I would be without my two best friends.”

“What about Jennifer?” Nicole grinned.

“Three best friends!” She giggled. “I tried to get Jen to come too, but she said someone had to stay behind and keep Natalie’s recruits in line.”

Later that afternoon I took Carol and Allison to meet my mother. There had already been talk of moving her out of intensive care, but they wanted to continue running tests first to be certain of her healing progress, and that there wasn’t any permanent brain damage or other complications.

We must have spent a solid two hours just sitting at her bedside, laughing and crying together about everything that we’d been through, and for Mom’s part, how much different, better even, I was for becoming Robin. Finally, Allison stood up and walked over to hug Mom.

“Linda, there’s something Robin hasn’t told you yet. I understand why she didn’t, because she’s really okay now, but truthfully, I’m not… I’m not okay. But I will be, thanks to her. A few weeks ago we were out jogging, and… this guy approached us and tried to get us in his van…”

I sat helplessly next to Nicole as I listened to Allison tearfully recount her version of the events that day. I don’t think either of us realized exactly how deeply it had affected her. I had the benefit of Doctor Ketz, but Allison only had her parents’ and friends’ support.

“There was this girl at camp last year, Crystal… Robin probably already told you her story too. But earlier today Nikki told me something that truly scared me. She said she and Robin were afraid I’d become another Crystal. That’s when I realized… That’s when I knew, I needed help. I need to see someone about my anxiety, not only for my sake, but for my best friend’s, and my adopted sister, your wonderful, loving, gallant daughter’s sakes.”

When she finished, she bent down to hug Mom again, who wrapped her in a gentle hug in return. Several seconds of peaceful silence fell over the room, but finally, she stood up again and walked over to put her arms around me. I held her close. I wasn’t about to let go.

“Ally, I have someone I want you to meet when you get back home. Before you leave, I want to give you my contact information for Doctor Ketz.”

She stared, puzzled. “Isn’t she like, your gender specialist?”

“She is, but she also helped me learn to cope with these same anxieties you’re feeling. She can help you too. She’s a wonderful, caring person. She once told me that people like me, like us, are why she became a therapist in the first place. Let her help you too.”

Allison tearfully nodded. “Okay. I’ll… I’ll talk to her.”

Mom smiled proudly as she watched the scene unfold. At Allison’s admission, she spoke up. “It’s such a nice day outside. Why don’t you girls call a cab and take Robin shopping?”

I blinked, peeking over Allison’s shoulder at her. She gave a knowing, but loving smile. “Really, I’m not going anywhere sweetheart. Go be with your friends.”

We all took turns hugging her at that. Carol took Allison aside and whispered something as Nicole and I stepped out. She joined us a moment later.

Nicole giggled. “Ally, you’re grinning like a horse eating a thorn bush.” I wondered what happened to ‘Nikki-speak’. I had to giggle.

Allison laughed, holding up a gold credit card. “Mom gave me her credit card. She said this might be my only chance to go shopping in a West Coast mall, and she trusts us not to max it out.”

“Your mom is awesome,” Nicole quipped.

Allison beamed, “Yeah. Almost as awesome as Robin’s.” She giggled. “Anyway, let’s go find a cab. Robin, you’re the Bay girl. We’re trusting you to know where the best shopping is!”

“I’ll try,” I laughed, as we stepped onto the elevator, “But just remember I was a total tomboy when I lived here back then, so I can’t promise anything.”

After hailing a cab outside the hospital, we set right to the mall-hopping. I should have felt insecure about the whole ordeal, being that I’d never been shopping without an adult around, but somehow being with Allison and Nicole made me feel completely safe.

We had just exited Victoria’s Secret, already laden with shopping bags from this and a few previous stops, when I spotted the back of a familiar head across the way. She was admiring a poster of an up-and-coming female singer depicted in a somewhat angelic look, with her attire and the cute silver headband.

“She is sooo amazing,” Andrea said quietly as she realized I’d approached her. She turned to look me up and down once, then smiled, “Cute top. I’m Andrea.”

“Robin,” I offered in return, glancing back at the poster. “Is she new? The name’s not familiar.”

“Yeah, she like, just started last month and she’s already done one concert. I’m totally jel!”

‘Jel’? Okay then.

She turned back to me again. “Have we … met before? You don’t go to Lawrence Western Junior High do you?”

“I’m just visiting with my friends from Connecticut, where I’ve been staying. My mom’s been in a coma for like, the last month. She only just woke up yesterday.”

It felt so awkward talking to my ex-girlfriend so casually like this, especially with the current girlfriend and best friend standing so close. She smiled, rolling her shoulders.

“Cool. Anyway, um… Nice meeting you, Robin.” She turned to walk away. I bit my lip. I knew I was going to regret this.

“Everything okay?” I asked rather innocently. I mean, I knew her well enough to know when she was upset, even if we had only dated a short time a few months back. Andrea was a bright girl, but insecure, and she wore her heart on her sleeve.

She glanced back at me with a frown, shaking her head. “Not really. And no offense, but I really don’t feel like talking about it with a total stranger.”

I shrugged. “Suit yourself, then. I just thought since we were heading to the food court you might want to come with and hang out.” I left it at that and turned to walk away.

“Andrea?” Nicole echoed as we walked.

“Wasn’t that the name of-” Allison began, but I cut her off.

“Yeah. That was her, actually. I guess some people never change, but at least she didn’t recognize me. Not that I care if she did since I won’t be around here for school this year anyway.”

Allison blinked. “Wait, back up. What about school?”

I cast her a brief glance, grinning. “Nikki didn’t tell you? Mom wants to sell the house and move to Alpine Springs when she’s feeling better.”

Allison practically squealed as she threw her arms around me. “OHMYGOD that’s awesome!”

Nicole laughed. “Sorry, Ally. I knew you’d want to hear the good news from Robin herself, or I’d have told you right after you got here.”

She giggled. “Eh, you’re forgiven.”

“Hey, Nikki, not to change the subject or anything, I mean, not that I don’t love talking about ex-girlfriends,” I joked.

“Oh, please do. I don’t know what you even saw in her.” Truthfully, me either. But love is blind. Or is that loneliness is desperate stupidity?

“Why did you stop wearing that cute Goth stuff I saw you in the first day?”

Nicole’s normally alabaster cheeks shifted up several hues of bright, rose red. “You thought I was cute like that? Seriously?”

“Yes! I want to see you in that lacey top again at some point. It’s like it was made for you.”

She and Allison giggled in unison, the latter adding, “She’s got a point. Your naturally pale skin looks striking in black. Not like me. I look like a walking Barbie doll if I don’t put on like, super-high SPF sun block.”

“Well… Okay, promise you won’t be upset?”

I’d been down this road before with Allison. Rather than argue, I simply nodded, as we neared the food court. “I promise.”

“It’s because… I wanted to impress you.”

“Come again?” I stopped and stared at her as she kept walking. She turned to walk back, shifting her gaze nervously. “You were just so unbelievably nice to me even though we had only just met. I thought you wouldn’t want to go out with a Goth chick, so I made up my mind that I wanted to change for you. You never complained, so I just kind of stuck with it. Plus Jason, my old boyfriend, sort of got me into it in the first place, so I felt a little guilty, y’know?”

As we sat down to enjoy our meals — Nicole and Allison munching on a salad, and I getting an exceedingly unladylike double deluxe cheeseburger and a large chocolate shake, Andrea approached our table.

“Can I sit down?”

Nicole shot her a glare at the sudden intrusion. “Can you?”

She flinched. “Fine, MAY I sit down?”

I glanced between Nicole and Allison. Allison shrugged, offering an indifferent smile, but Nicole didn’t seem too thrilled. I think she finally understood how Allison felt about Natalie being in our cabin that night, now.

I motioned to the empty chair. “Free country, if you don’t mind keeping the attitude down — nothing personal.”

She shrugged, “Fair enough. I deserved that one anyway.” She paused. “Actually I probably deserve a lot worse. This whole day has just been, pardon my French, shit.”

Nicole chuckled, “Merde.”

“What?” She shot Nicole a puzzled stare.

“French for ‘shit’. … Never mind. So what’s your story?” Surprisingly, her tone seemed a little softer at Andrea’s apparent humility.

“Junior high drama at its finest; the short version is that awhile ago I used someone to get back at my ex-boyfriend. The stupid ox asked me out again after beating the guy up, and spread a bunch of nasty rumors about him when he didn’t press charges.” She paused, sighing. “That should’ve been the first sign that I should’ve dumped his loser ass.”

“Who, the guy who got beat up?” Allison asked neutrally.

Andrea shook her head. “No, the jock. He just dumped me when I finally got it through his stupid Neanderthal skull that I wouldn’t put out.” She folded her arms on the table, burying her face and mumbled a muffled, “God, I was so stupid.”

Nicole smirked. “Yeah, you were.”

Andrea stared up at her, not sure what to think of that, as Nicole continued. “You let someone get the crap kicked out of them just so you could win back a jerk like that. I’d call that boneheaded. Maybe it’s not too late to apologize though.” She shrugged.

“I tried, actually. I … went by his house, but the neighbors said nobody’s been there in a month, and now some new girl might be living there. I can’t help feeling a little … y’know… guilty.”

I had to chuckle at that. I literally could not help myself, as this latest reversal of fortunes struck. Allison and Nicole giggled a little as Andrea slowly looked between the three of us.

“Andrea, are you serious about wanting to apologize to this person?” I asked flatly.

She nodded. “Don’t get me wrong, as a boyfriend he was totally ND, but-”

“Sorry, I’m not up on my California slang. What’s ND?” Allison asked.

She rolled her eyes, “Not dateable? Anyway, he was a nice guy. Probably would’ve been a good friend if he wasn’t so…”

“Shy?” I asked, and then added, “Though it was more like supremely self-loathing.” I reached a hand, which I might add had a lovely shade of dark pink nail polish from the last ‘sleepover’, back and gathered my hair into a low ponytail, smiling at her.

She stared intensely at me for a long moment before recognition finally dawned.

“Before you say anything, I’m not coming back to school next year. I’m moving to Connecticut to be with my new friends, but … this is why I always acted the way I did. I was so unbelievably miserable as a boy. It’s like I was pretending my whole life. As a girl, I’m happy. I’m … extremely happy. I feel right. And for what it’s worth, I’ve already forgiven you awhile ago.”

“Oh my God…” she whispered. I thought for a moment that she was about to faint.

I smiled as I reached out to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Sorry to just spring this on you, but I don’t know how much longer I’ll be In California. As soon as my mom’s well enough to travel, we’re out of here.”

She nodded slowly. “Hey, um… Do you think we could maybe stay in touch? I seriously don’t deserve a second chance I know, but this is all so… so sudden. I want to think about it awhile, then maybe we can talk some more after that?”

Allison spoke up, “Robin is like, the coolest girl I’ve ever met, and one of my best friends is an awesome half-Hawaiian surf chick, if that says anything. There was this one girl at our Girl Scout camp who spent the entire first week doing nothing but trying and failing miserably, to ruin Robin’s reputation.

“Robin turned around and not only forgave her, but they’re really good friends now. It’s never too late, but you have to be willing to get over yourself and accept that not everyone fits into some pre-conceived mold too.”

“Sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith,” Nicole added.

Andrea smiled a little as I took a pen from my purse, scribbling my cell phone number on the back of a gum wrapper and sliding it to her. “Anyway, my dad’s picking me up soon. It was nice seeing you again Rob-” she caught herself, smiling sheepishly as she accepted the wrapper, “Robin.”

As she left, I exhaled slowly. “God, that is not at all how I pictured that going.”

Allison chuckled, “Best guess? The jock dumped her for her best friend, so she’s feeling vulnerable.”

“Totally!” Nicole added. “Anyway, enough about her; we have some more shopping to do! Oh, Robin, what made you suddenly ask about my Goth phase anyway?”

“If I told you, you’d punch me,” I teased, wrapping my lips around the straw of my milkshake to avoid answering further as I smiled innocently at her.

She laughed. “Okay then. But anyway, I actually have that top with me. I’ll wear it tonight when we go to dinner, but only if you wear that cute pink one. Ally, you’re coming too!” she insisted.

“I don’t want to intrude,” Allison started, but Nicole shook her head, stealing a bite of Allison’s salad, despite having plenty of her own left, as she answered.

“You’re not! It’s going to be my parents and me, maybe Margie, and Robin, and now that you’re here you and Carol should come too. It’ll be great! I already asked Kelly, but she has to work tonight.”

I watched the two, quietly enjoying my own burger as the playful banter over the salad-stealing ensued. I couldn’t help feeling incredibly thankful Mom suggested this, though I wondered if it was so she could talk privately with ‘the adults’ as much as to try and get me to spend time with my friends.

At least things were finally looking up, though. Mom was awake, Allison was ready to seek professional help, and Andrea … Well, can’t win ‘em ell, but at least she seemed receptive. Only time would tell if I’d be changing my cell phone number.