I have been reading a web comic called "misfile" and its amazing. Its the story of a boy whose life gets misfiled into the girl drawer by a slacker angel, and how he/she deals with the results. If you read it, be prepared to want to sit and finish it in one setting like I wanted to ....

Here is the link:

http://misfile.com/?date=2004-02-22

Well, Jaci phoned me today, and she's doing okay. She's had her surgery, and other than being in pain, she's in good spirits, and Ruth is there helping her out.

(Dottie does a happy dance.....)

Well, I have to apologize to my 3 fans. Between the fact that the stories I have underway have stopped flowing, (and were looking to be much bigger projects than I originally planned in any case), and the fact I have really struggled to write anything the last couple of days, its gonna be a while before you see any new stories from me.

Again, my apologies.

Well, Jaci is on her way to Montreal to have her surgery done. If you feel so inclined, could you spare a moment to say a prayer or send some positive vibes on her behalf?

For the curious, here is a link to a Youtube copy of the first episode of "Shezow", the cartoon about a boy who becomes a girl superhero.

As a writer, I love words. I love trying to learn where they come from, how they came to mean what they mean, how some words have changed meanings over time, and how some words can have deeper and stronger meanings to a single person.

One word that's like that for me is the word "rape". I always use it to describe what happened to me over "molested", because for me, what happened fits "rape" better. "molested" sounds softer, somehow, only "rape" seems to have the meaning I need when talking about what happened to me.

Well, apparently, there has been a change of plans. Instead of reading the poem at the lunch, I will be reading it during the church service. Anybody who lives in Edmonton is welcome to come, and prayers and good wishes are appreciated, as I havent spoken in front of so many people before ....

last night, I made my supervisor squeal like a fangirl last night by mentioning the TARDIS .....

giggles.

Just for fun, I invented an alphabet. Does anybody know a way I can share it here?

"the name you choose is like a promise you make"

I'm sure that some non-trans woman reading this blog will sniff and say I'm getting my girl card punched way too easily. I mean, there are a few things cisgendered girls go through I will never deal with. The most obvious example is periods - I will never know the "joy" of bleeding, of feeling bloated, cramped, and so on that accompanies having a monthly cycle. I'm sure said woman can add other things as well, but before she gets too carried away with herself, there are a couple of things I have gone through most cisgendered women never would.

Well, today I didn't have to work, I didn't have Sam, and I didnt even have to pick up the ex, so I took full advantage and spent the day in a skirt. Ahh.... I can feel my blood pressure lowering .....

"Snapshots" is the word I use to describe most of my stories. When I get it right, I can invoke a mood, or an idea, but do it in as few words as I can manage. They are not usually intended to give a lot of details (to do that would be like comparing the story to a movie rather than a snapshot), but instead force the reader to fill in some of the descriptions for themselves, individualizing the story to an extent.

I am in serious crisis. my car's bumper finally fell off, and in a panic I went to my dealership and got talked into a new car, and honestly, its more a month than I think I can handle. I dont know what to do. I signed the paperwork, I'm committed, and I'm close to calling a crisis line ....

Help?

Well, today I had an awesome day. Queen Ruth (who is a reader here, for those who dont know her) happened to be in town, so we met at the mall talked for a couple of hours, walked around the mall and just before I was to leave, she went and bought me a crucifix.

She really helped me with my anxiety over the surgery too, so that was nice.

My church made me cry today. They said they were going to hand out a small present to all the WOMEN in attendance, and gave out carnations.

Guess who got one?

Me.

I wept.

I dont know when it started, but I found myself thinking about Kylie while I'm at work. I can picture her face, hear her voice, remember things we've said to each other, and its .... Oh lord, I am in loooooove ....

Ever want something, almost crave it and have no idea why?

I was reading Gwen's post about being horny post-op, and it seems like ironic timing. This afternoon I woke up rather ... randy myself, but unfortunately I dont have the right equipment to Jill off, and touching the stuff I got is like ... ick.

Ah, well.

I'm about 3/4 of the way through "She's not there", and its a tough bit to read. I mean, the early stuff, the early struggle with identity, the fight against oneself, the hope that falling in love would cure oneself, finding a partner and building a life only to realize that it didnt take the urge to be a woman away; all this is stuff I can really relate to. But this is the part where she's just about to have the surgery, and from here on, its going to be territory with which I have no link to, and might never know. But I'll grit my teeth and get through it.

I have been thinking a bit about dreams lately. I know that dreams may not tell you much about your past or your future, but I think they sort of point to where you are at the moment.