Well, it finally happened. I've been doing everything I can to keep my computer alive for the past few months, but I can do no more and this morning it finally breathed it's last grinding breath. Since I can't really hunch over my tablet (like I'm doing now,) squinting at the screen and typing on a tiny bluetooth keyboard for 6 to 8 hours a day to be productive I had to get a new-ish laptop.

huzzah!

Hey everyone,

Just a warning that the last chapter of I Wish Book 4 may not be posted tomorrow like I was hoping. I've had a lot on my mind the past few days and it's been screwing with my head and making it hard to focus on writing.

okay so last night my CPAP machine was going at such a pressure it actually caused the hose to separate from the mask.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's not good.

I'm not sure why, but I'm feeling super dysphoric and pathetic.

hugs appreciated

Much as I've tried to keep a separate existence from myself (confusing enough), Lynda now has a Twitter account and a YouTube logon.

Unfortunately, twitter insisted I tie it to a physical phone number, which can trace back...

In the old days of the internet, it was much easier to juggle identities. Having two email addresses was child's play...

Why is it so difficult to do simpple things with computers?

This blog was originally posted on my website, but I'm sharing it here because I feel some of you will be interested.

so I had a pretty productive day.

Mike and I weeded the front lawn, then I trimmed the side, then I watched as my TV was removed (along some other trash), then I did a bottle run.

I know that doesn't sound like much, but I feel good about the day, and that doesn't happen all that often.

and here at Bev's Acres (well metres), we've not long had Sunday lunch.

I've been praying that God would make me a girl and wishing that I was born a girl since I was 5.

I began to have PMS symptoms (migraines, cramping, bloating, and wild mood swings) when I was 12 for a few days every month. When I was 15, I started getting female curves, so I gained 150 pounds to hide them since I was beaten up on a regular basis for acting like a girl and I was afraid of getting beaten even worse, raped, and/or killed if I looked like a girl too.

and they taketh away!

for a few days at least!

I confirmed my worst fears.

I phoned the Calgary law library about what happened to my rapist, and there is no record of a conviction.

Now, it could be there was a publication ban to protect his victims, or a jury trial, in which case no written statement about the conviction would be on record

but he was able to testify in a civil suit in 1999, so unlikely he'd been charged before then.

and considering he was raping me from about 1973 to 1975, its unlikely my name would have been brought up in any case against him.

so today, I went and got x-rays on my knees, and the tech asked me if I still had my periods.

even after so long into my transition, I still appreciate moments of validation like this.

Hoping this is all due to inactivity caused by Covid precautions. Out walking makes me feel exhausted, and my BP, Blood Sugar, and Oxy are all showing borderline. I lost 45lbs this winter. I have not been able to get in touch with the Doctor yet. I'll try real hard tomorrow.

I value you all. Please, no emotional emails or phone calls. I've been a snot at times but you loved me anyhow.

Gwen

I'm taking three days off for a trip to the desert and the sequoias. I'll be back Tuesday. I'll have my phone but not my laptop. Piper and Cat will be watching the site. Love you all.

Hugs,
Erin

Yesterday my mom found a box in her closet that turned out to have a number of items from a very long time ago.

among the items was my father's sergeant's pins, and a couple of report cards of mine from when I was in junior high school.

The report cards showed that I was highly creative, struggling socially, and had the worst handwriting ever, so I guess not much has changed.

but still smarting.

if anybody wants to watch my speech, I have it on google drive, so just pm me an email account and I can share it.

just a reminder,

if you want to see my little speech for the International day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia will take place Tomorrow at 2 PM UTC-06 – 3:30 PM UTC-06 here on Facebook live, and then will hopefully be available elsewhere after.

I hope I don't embarrass myself . . .

So I guess I forgot to mention here that after my sleep study the doctor recommended me have a CPAP machine, and today I picked it up.

hopefully I can get used to wearing one, as apparently I stop breathing 100 times every hour.

Fun early morning. About 2:30 this AM, as I was trying to get to sleep, I was disturbed (I'm always disturbed, but this time, it was more than just my imagination that did it) by squealing tires, a crashing sound, and a thud so hard, it shook my house.

I hurriedly threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, and ran outside. I found a crowd already surrounding an overturned car in my neighbor's driveway. My son and daughter had hurried out as well, and my son said he saw the driver walking down the street when he hurried outside.