i'll be glad for the mercury to drop!

here in South West England we are having another 'heat wave'!

and of course that means its raining!

I had been friends with someone here for many years and she helped me through times when I was Suicidal. We used to PM and use SKYPE a lot. I even drove hundreds of miles to visit a couple times. Then she decided to get married and suddenly it was just off and completely so. When I asked questions, suddenly another member here felt obligated to be mean and blunt with me, treating me as if I am a idiot. She even asked if she needed to spell it out for me? Then another member with no knowledge of the situation from across the pond was similarly acting like a YOB.

Something strange happened last night.

just as Mom and I were headed for bed, we got a call from Sharon. When Sharon is angry, her accent and speed of speech make her hard to understand, but from what I could gather, she had a "feeling from God" about some kind of evil coming into the house, and went to check on Sam, who was playing with her cell phone

Sharon asked to see what she was doing, and Sam refused, and Sharon lost it, and she had called us to take Sam for the night because Sharon couldn't have "a dark spirit" around.

It seems to come around sooner every year!

well, yesterday we managed to get the window on my car fixed, walking away 500$ poorer in the process.

Only to have that fix last less than 24 hours, thanks to my mom.

We were told to not put down the window for 24 hours when we picked up the car yesterday afternoon, but while doing a grocery run with her sister, my mom forgot and started to put the window down.

The glass didnt fall out, but its no longer in place.

So off we went back to the dealership today to get it fixed - again, but they haven't called us back, which means we are sans car for now.

Yep, last week we were heading into the warmest couple of days 'on record', this end of the week is as much as 20c cooler!

but its still under 30 degrees!

The first is my anniversary of a change of lifestyle which occurred on July 14 1986 when I went into my office in a skirt for the first time.
I am still amazed that there weren't more challenges and now 36 years later no one seems to care.

Second, it is 7 or 8 years since my son took his own life. I try not to despise my daughter-in-law, but it's hard.

Cleaning house, I stumbled upon some old records that show I have a Cyst on the right frontal lobe of my brain that was detected in 2012. I'm seeing my health care provider on Tuesday, and am mildly frightened. Do these things turn into something more serious? The internet is frightening the hell out of me.

So I went to the hospital last June 31, I'm trying to get this infection in my leg well and truly gone. I am currently in a nursing home being pumped to the gills with an antibiotic IV, I recently got my laptop from a friend and am unable to look up my passwords for my zoom account or my e-mail for that matter. When I get better I will resume where I can. The big thing I am currently worried about is not being able to take care of my finances weirdly enough I was able to get on my bank account but not my credit card accounts. When I know more you all will know more.

Progress! My GP has been in touch and emailed me a referral form for the Tavistock Gender Identity Development Service. Completed and sent directly to GIDS.

Date of referral is today!

I surrendered to Jaci's girl germs, and put on a skirt for my birthday yesterday.

Despite the fact I look like a dude in a dress, nobody said anything negative.

in fact, I got complimented on my outfit while in Walmart

I was getting a few things, and this lady had a little one in her shopping cart, who couldn't keep her eyes off me. I waved at the little one, and that's when the mom complimented me on my outfit

I think I blushed hard enough to drown out the lights.

well, I survived another year.

I turned 56 today.

my plan for the day?

Running Sharon and Sam around, as usual.

could be worse, at least I have my family in my life. Not all trans people do.

anyway, happy huggles from me.

as we say in these parts!

My mail on Saturday included a letter from my Doctor. I've been exchanging letters with her since March after I realised it had been 10 years since my initial 'gatekeeper' interview with an NHS shrink, and nothing had been heard since then. The irony is that the same GP was handling me then so at least she couldn't blame anyone else in the building. The main issue was that the original paperwork had been lost and now is beyond recovery, although I had scanned the original report that recommended referral.

well, I learned something about my manic phase today.

I never realized there is a path from my manic phase to Mr. Nasty, my negative self-talk.

But, there is.

Its because if I get angry while manic, that anger has more energy than when I'm depressed, and if the anger is caused by a sense of helplessness, and almost all my anger is, its really easy for that anger to shift focus to the helplessness itself, and then Mr. Nasty can start beating me up for being helpless.

Good to know, not fun to experience.

I'm sorry to have to tell you guys I wont have any new stories for a bit. The move, and then unpacking from the move, has taken most of my energy.

so once again, sorry.

My mother is going away with her friend for a weeks holiday. I went around her house to drop some magazines for them.

My mother called me into her bedroom and showed me she had sorted out some clothes for me. There was underwear including a nice new black slip, women don't seem to wear those these days. She told me I could wear it in bed as a nightgown. She also gave me few tops, a handbag and a woman's coat.

its nearly time for my lollidays!

yep, surprised me too!

well technically no, not until later in the month but it is the summer term in Euro schools.

latest chapter of TTSD is up:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/94317/ttsd-5-dot-hunting