Becoming Robin By Zoe Taylor Fallen Scout-/- Of Truces and Truths   Alice came running up to me as I stood outside the infirmary, my back pressed against the brick wall. My hands and part of my shorts were stained with Amanda’s blood, and my shirt was ripped ragged at a slight angle, bearing a little of my midriff. I was in too much of a psychological shock to notice.

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The fateful day finally arrived. The staff granted us permission to relax and have fun in reward for all our hard work, but as a cabin we took a vote, and decided to go ahead and go through our daily routine that morning. We still had to finish setting up for the party that afternoon, but none of us wanted to be seen as lazy brown-noses either!

A few girls were worried that, when they heard we’d be wearing themed dresses, they’d have to as well, but I assured them that we were just dressing up because we were playing hostess. Jennifer reasoned that as our guests, it was our way of honoring them. After lunch, the five of us met with our volunteers to help move several tables from the mess hall down to the lake.

As I helped carry the last table, a shrill scream echoed from somewhere nearby. I looked at the other girls, who just gave me a panicked expression. “Set it down!” I ordered, and without a further thought, I sprinted off down the path.

As I drew closer I could hear a familiar little girl’s voice screaming “It hurts!”

Amanda, the director’s niece, lay on her side clutching her knee tightly. I could see a small trickle of blood from around her hand, so I ordered one of the nearby girls, “Go to the Nurse’s station. Tell Nurse Bree to bring her kit, and hurry!” I turned back to Amanda. “Amanda, sweetie, it’s Robin.”

She looked up at me through tears, “It hurts!” she repeated.

“I know honey, I know.” I had been wearing one of my counselor trainee T-shirts, but I had to do something to stop the bleeding, so I grabbed the hem, pulling with all my might. Through sheer force of adrenaline I managed to tear a strip loose.

“Amanda, I need you to let go of your leg for me, alright? Nurse Bree’s on the way but I need to see how bad it is.”

She slowly nodded, carefully letting go of her knee. I’ll spare the graphic details, but it was bad. I carefully stretched her leg out just enough to apply even pressure with my makeshift bandage, without causing her any undue pain in case something was broken. Brianna, our auburn-haired RN came racing to our side, followed quickly by Meredith.

“Robin, what happened?” Bree asked as she opened her first-aid kit.

“I’m not sure. I heard a scream, came running, and found her clutching her knee.” I relinquished my hold on the makeshift bandage, deferring to the nurse as I spoke, “I tried to stop the bleeding, but I haven’t moved her otherwise.”

She nodded as Meredith hovered nervously close by. “Mer, go back to the station and get my backboard. The rest of you,” she shifted her gaze only momentarily toward the small gathering of girls that had seen me running past or heard the scream, “Give her some air.”

Meredith sprinted off at a dead heat while I just knelt there, helplessly watching. I wondered if it was because it was her niece that she chose me to help instead, but I wouldn't have time to dwell on it.

“Robin I’m going to need your help,” she spoke in a calm tone as she peeled away the remnants of bloody cloth.

“I didn’t know what else to do; I just knew we had to stop the-” I cut myself off, realizing Amanda was giving me a terrified stare. I smiled softly down at her then returned my gaze to the nurse.

She nodded, “Here, hold her leg steady,” she instructed. I took Amanda gently under the calf with one hand then gave her my other hand to hold, smiling at her.

“You’re doing great, Amanda. Just a little longer okay? Are you hurting anywhere else?” I tried to take her mind off what I was sure was about to be a searing pain, having been through this myself.

She shook her head slowly, “J-just my knee,” she sobbed.

Brianna proceeded to apply some antibiotic to the surrounding area, carefully and gently cleaning the wound, then layered a large square of sterile gauze across it, applying light pressure.

Amanda instinctively jumped, but I had expected it and helped brace her for it. Meredith returned with a smaller version of the backboard I had been carried out on a few weeks earlier.

“I don’t think you broke anything sweetie,” Brianna offered, “But we’re going to take you back on a backboard just to be safe. There’s nothing to be scared of.” As she spoke, she nodded toward her medical kit, “Meredith, hand me a roll of gauze. I don’t want to take the pressure off and Robin's got her hands full.” She shot me a brief, approving glance.

I gave Amanda’s hand a gentle squeeze as Meredith unwrapped the packaging from a clean gauze roll, and the two women carefully wrapped and tied it into place. Together the three of us moved the frightened girl onto the backboard. It would’ve only taken the two of them to carry the poor girl back, but she had a death grip on my hand, and I wasn’t about to try and force her to let go.

Alice came running up to me as I stood outside the infirmary, my back pressed against the brick wall. My hands and part of my shorts were stained with Amanda’s blood, and my shirt was ripped ragged at a slight angle, bearing a little of my midriff. I was in too much of a psychological shock to notice.

“Oh my God, Robin what happened?” She panted as she came over to hug me. I explained as best I could what had happened, and how I just happened to have heard the scream.

“Apparently she just tripped and fell hard. It’s a miracle nothing’s broken, but it left a nasty wound,” I said softly, “She’s lost some blood, and she’s going to need stitches for it to heal properly, but we got the bleeding under control. Bree said that if I hadn’t gotten there when I did it could’ve been a lot worse.”

Alice nodded as I put my head on her shoulder. To my credit I didn’t cry for once. I was just stunned by it all.

“I feel kind of guilty, Alice. I know it was just an accident, but if I hadn’t convinced her to come…”

She smiled, shaking her head, “Then she wouldn’t have had such a fun camp experience prior to this. It’s not like she can’t come back here. Oh, the other girls told me you took off like a bullet when you heard the scream, so you might be hearing the ‘h’ word I’m afraid.” Hormones? What did those have to do with anything?

“The ‘h’ word?”

She smiled proudly, “Hero.”

I groaned.

She led me back to the cabin where the others had already gathered to talk about last-minute preparations. You could have heard a fly pass gas when I stepped inside, for the silence that fell over them. All eyes were on me and my bloodied hands and clothes.

“It’s not mine,” I offered softly as I slowly crossed the floor, going into the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I could hear Alice’s voice on the other side, but the rush of water as I scrubbed the crimson stains from my palms drowned out any coherence I might’ve otherwise gleaned.

When I stepped out again, Allison and Nicole came over and hugged me, “You okay?” Nicole asked.

I smiled a little as I nodded, “Yeah. It all just happened so fast that I sort of needed a minute to compose myself. I’m okay now.”

I sat on the edge of my bed and set about changing out of my ruined shirt and shorts while conversation returned to the big party. When Jennifer saw that I was dressed again, she deferred toward me with a nod and a cheerful smile.

“Just as the sun goes down tonight, Spirit has something special in mind for Crystal. She and I have been discussing it in secret because we wanted it to be a surprise for everyone, including the rest of you.” She grinned.

“You all know I’ve been working on a special lei for her. I only just finished it today before I went to lunch. Meredith’s generously provided us with a framed photo of Crystal that we’ll place on-stage in its own little ring of fake flowers, honoring camp’s first Island Princess, and then I’d like someone to present her lei as a gesture of love on all her friends' behalf.”

Rachel and Nicole looked like they were about to cry as I explained the solemn ceremony. Alice was practically beaming as she dabbed at her eye as well, “I am so very, very proud of you girls right now. That sounds beautiful.”

Jennifer smiled, “And because this is a party, I’m going to bring the mood back up again by performing a hula to honor her spirit, then offering lessons to anyone who wants to learn — both to a very upbeat tempo. I found THE perfect Hawaiian CD set at the party supply store, and Counselor Davis generously loaned us her totally sweet stereo system,” she grinned.

Allison piped up, “So who’s going to present the lei?”

“That’s what we need to decide,” I responded. “I can’t do it because I didn’t know her. I wouldn’t feel right.”

Rachel shook her head, “Neither did I. I think you should do it though. I mean, this all came about because of you. You fought to get Director Meredith to say yes to this.”

Alice stood off to the side, apparently abstaining from voting, though Jennifer spoke up in her place. “Honestly, I didn’t know her that well either. Ally and I knew her by reputation, but we were just regular campers last year.

“Crystal was like this far-away standard that none of us could hope to reach,” she sighed. “Her loss left a big hole for a lot of people. I think that you should be the one to present it.”

As the evening drew closer, we filed out and over to the staff lodge. Ordinarily the other girls just used the regular shower facilities, but were allowed to shower in the private staff shower for tonight since we would be heading down to the lake as a group. I of course, still took my shower separately, but now that Rachel knew the truth it was so much easier to do so without feeling like I was hiding something from her.

Just before sunset, Jennifer stepped up onto the stage, turning off the music and grabbing the microphone.

“Aloha everyone, and welcome to the first, and what we hope will become annual, Camp Kutomanu Luau!”

A chorus of cheers and applause rang out. Practically the whole camp had arrived already. Some were standing, some sitting and sampling the food Nicole’s mother had generously donated. Two of our tiki masks flanked either side of the stage, and torches and candles burned brightly throughout the area.

“I’d like to direct your attention to the stage for our opening ceremony. When we started discussing this, there was one thing I really wanted to do, but didn’t think we’d have time. I wanted to have a guest of honor, nominated by cabins and voted on by the whole camp, to be our honorary Island Princess. Spirit, could you come up please?”

I held the portrait of Crystal against my chest along with her lei, as I approached the stage and began ascending, amid hushed whispers.

“I know what you’re thinking, and no, this isn’t our Island Princess,” she began, as I stopped beside her, ignoring the few relieved sighs and mostly chorus of giggles. I smiled as I looked out over the gathered.

“Spirit is the reason all this was possible though. We all chipped in, but it was her unyielding spirit that inspired us to see this through, and to honor someone very special to a lot of us who were here last year.

“Crystal Grace was to many of us a scout, a friend, a sister. Crystal left us at the prime of her life, and left a gaping hole behind. No one will ever replace her, or fill that void, but tonight, we the girls of Cabin Thirteen, Crystal’s old cabin, wish to nominate her as our first annual Island Princess.”

At my cue, I revealed the gold-framed portrait I had been holding against my chest protectively. It was a portrait Meredith had received by request from Crystal’s parents depicting a beautiful young woman with layered, sandy brown hair, but a vague sadness in her soft blue eyes.

I could feel every set of eyes locked solidly on me as I placed the portrait on a table on-stage where it could be prominently seen, amid a tropical flower arrangement. I bowed as Jennifer had taught me to do, as I placed the lei around the portrait.

“Aloha Crystal: we love and miss you,” she concluded, then removed the microphone from the stand, and approached me. She promptly passed it to me.

I blushed, as tears welled up. It took me a moment to even remember what I was going to say, “Mahalo, Jennifer. Thank you.” She smiled, giving me a ‘thumbs up’ and causing a few giggles around the area.

“I of course never knew Crystal Grace, but from the moment I heard her story, I felt badly for her. It felt as though the last chapter of her life hadn’t been completely closed yet. Many here who remember her never got to say goodbye.

“That’s why tonight, we dedicate this time of celebration to her, to those that loved her, and to those who will never know her. Aloha, Crystal. May your spirit know peace.”

I was in tears by this point. My one-inch wedge sandals clunked heavily against the stairs as I stepped down, and several girls that I thought had been avoiding me all week suddenly swarmed and hugged me.

“That was so beautiful,” one of them offered. It was clear she’d been crying as well.

I offered her a weak smile as another spoke up, “Crystal was so awesome. I know she’d appreciate what you’re trying to do.”

“And now to lighten the mood, I know many of you are probably familiar with hula,” Jennifer began. By now I’d managed to compose myself again. Allison and Nicole joined me as the other girls slowly trickled away.

One girl though, stayed behind. Allison shot her an angry glare, keeping her at a distance, but I hugged them both then turned to approach the girl.

“Are you alright?”

“What’s your deal anyway?” she hissed angrily. “Trying to be Miss Popularity on the back of someone you didn’t even know?”

I flinched. “I didn’t… I mean, I wasn’t-”

She snapped back, “Crystal was more than my best friend. She saved my life a week before she…” she stopped abruptly and turned to walk away. Ignoring my better judgment, I followed.

“I’m sorry if I upset you. I really didn’t mean, or for that matter want, this night to be about me. I wanted to give something back, and when I heard about Crystal, I told Jen I wanted to learn more.

“It was Jennifer’s idea to honor her as a fallen scout, and the other girls insisted I present her lei. I just made it. It should have been one of her friends, but this all came about so fast. I just… I’m sorry,” I sighed, turning to walk away.

“Wait,” she offered hesitantly. I glanced back at her and she slowly stepped closer.

She bit her lip, staring at me as if not sure what to say. “This really wasn't your doing?”

I just shook my head. I didn't want to say something that might upset her even more.

“The camp made a big fuss over offering grief counselors, there was a lot of boo-hooing, and that was the end of it. They sealed off her cabin, OUR cabin and acted like it never happened.” She started sobbing. I didn’t know what else to do, so I carefully wrapped her in a hug.

“Spirit, I’m sorry,” she spoke softly, “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I said some pretty nasty things about you this week. I’m actually surprised I didn’t get thrown out because of it. But I wasn’t upset at you.

“I was upset at the administrators. They opened up the old cabin for you CITs this year and didn’t even tell you its history, HER story. What’s more, Allison and Jennifer were here last year, but that Rachel girl was so surprised when I told her. I was furious that neither of them told you!”

“You’re not the only one that’s hurting, though. Meredith didn’t want me to do this at first because she - or her superiors I guess - were afraid it might bring back bad memories for girls who were here when it happened.

“The thing is, what I said is true. When Jennifer talked about her, she spoke with a kind of reverence I’ve never seen in her, and it made me realize that those old wounds never really went away.”

She quietly turned toward the lake. “Crystal loved lilacs, you know. She adored them. She had this aerosol can of air freshener; you know one of those things that every time you walk by it spritzes? So that every time someone came in or out, we’d get assaulted by it.” She hesitated. “I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. Then maybe … maybe I could’ve helped with the flower arrangements.”

“In speech is life; in speech is death.” Jennifer spoke from behind us, causing the both of us to jump.

“To the ancients, you could literally talk someone to their death with curses, but you could counter another’s curse by speaking positively of someone. You can see a similar effect here in camp.

“Spirit is loved and respected by a lot of her fellow scouts because she tries to help everyone, not out of a desire to be repaid or for personal gain, but because she cares. That’s why we call her Spirit, and that’s why we chose her for the ceremony. She’s just so darn spirited,” She giggled a bit, moving to hug the girl.

“Natalie, I know you’re hurting, and I know what you’ve been saying about all of us. I hope that in some small way we we’ve helped you tonight. You would honor Crystal's memory better by being the girl Ally and I remember, not this angry, bitter person you’ve become.

“Crystal was, to me, this unapproachable figurehead. I never got to know her because she always had other people flocked around her. I understand now, after getting to know Robin, that it wasn’t her intention. It’s just the kind of person she was, that she loved everyone she came into contact with.”

Jennifer produced two white flowers, tucking one up into Natalie’s hair behind her ear, and the other in mine, smiling broadly. “Come on you two. The hula lessons are about to begin, and I want you both to get involved before people start to talk,” she winked playfully as she dragged us back.

The party was, to my mind, an incredible success so far, and it had only just begun. Several times girls came up to one of us asking if we’d do this again next session, or if not, at least next year. We had already decided as a group to donate our non-perishable decorations to the camp anyway, so we were more than happy to say that we would help put something together again.

To her credit, Natalie did seem to loosen up a little as well. I didn’t even know her name until Jennifer spoke to her, and she had never been openly hostile in my presence, but tonight she seemed genuinely friendlier. Toward the end of the night I thought I saw her take Meredith aside as well.

After Nicole and I humiliated ourselves with Jennifer’s hula lessons, we grabbed a pineapple-brazed chicken kabob each and turned to walk down the lakeside together.

“This has been so much fun. I’m really glad Jen took this idea and ran with it,” I offered, taking a big, juicy chunk of pineapple from the end of the skewer, tossing it in the air, and catching it in my mouth.

Nicole laughed, “Show-off! But yeah, I’m so glad you thought of this. What was up with you and that other girl, though? I had to practically hold Ally back when you ran off to talk to her. It took Jennifer promising to keep an eye on you after she did her girlie dancy-thing to get her to back off.”

“Apparently Natalie, and I assume the other girls that she was with, have been bad-mouthing us. I seriously had no idea until tonight. I guess I’ve just been so wrapped up in either the planning or falling off horses,” I added with a chiding smile.

“So is everything okay now? Did you do your Jedi mind trick thing on her?”

“My what now?”

She giggled. “Come on, Robin. You talked Rachel into not ratting us out. Hell, she’s even been a lot nicer to both of us since she caught us, and then you somehow convinced Meredith to let you go against the GSC people's wishes to honor Crystal.”

I turned toward the lake and sat, staring out over the calm waters. Nicole knelt beside me, sitting a moment later and giving my hand a squeeze.

“I’m nothing special, Nikki. I’m just a girl trying to get through a hard time in my life with as little grief as possible. I don’t want to see anyone hurt because of me.”

“That’s why you ARE special, though. I’m worried that you’re too forgiving, but it seems to be working for you so far, so, hey, why knock it?” She smiled, giving me a light squeeze.

As we made our way back, giving the other CITs an innocent ‘nothing happened’ smile, the party had already begun to wind down. As everyone began filing out back to their cabins, Natalie stayed behind.

She walked up onto the stage where Crystal’s picture sat. I watched as she pressed two fingers to her lips, then against the picture’s. I wondered, but decided not to ask just yet.

“We’re going to go back to the cabin,” Allison grinned as she hugged me, “Robin, this has been the greatest camp ever. I am SO glad you suggested this party!”

I nodded, “I’ll catch up with you. Hey, could you send Alice over on your way out?”

“Sure thing; is everything okay?” she asked. I smiled.

“Yeah. I’d like to invite someone to stay at our cabin tonight.”

Allison tilted her head, but nodded, “Okay, but you’re going to have some s’plainin’ to do later,” she teased.

“Spirit, you wanted to see me?” Alice approached with a concerned smile. She looked absolutely darling in her white dress, with her hair up in a faux flower-ornamented bun.

“Yeah, um… Natalie over there… Who’s her counselor?”

Alice frowned, “Did she say something to you?”

I nodded, smiling in return. “Actually she did. She opened up to me a little bit. She was Crystal’s best friend, and maybe more. They used to have our cabin before she died, and I was hoping I could invite her to stay with us tonight, if her counselor says it’s okay.”

Alice’s eyes widened as she looked between the two of us. I just grinned, “I haven’t asked her yet, but I really want to extend the invitation.”

“She has Cynthia for a counselor, actually. I’ll go make the arrangement. You just worry about the invitation.” She winked.

I waited until everyone else had cleared away from the stage and out of earshot before I ascended the stairs and spoke. “You loved her didn’t you?”

Natalie squeaked. I smiled as I moved closer and hugged her, “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone.”

She turned to face me, “Please don’t get the wrong idea. Crystal saved my life, but even before that, she was like my sister. She made the lives of everyone she touched better for having known her. I just don’t understand why she did it. I’ll never understand.

“Robin, I’m so sorry about all this. For what it's worth I don’t think I’m going to come back to this camp again next year. Everyone pretty much hates me here because of what I did to you.”

“Well… I think I know how I can help with that.”

Her soft brownish hazel gaze settled on my face. “You’ve already done enough,” she offered softly.

“Well I’ve already cleared this with our counselors. … Natalie, would you like to stay at our cabin tonight? We have an empty bed since it’s just the five of us.”

She stared at me for several seconds. “You’re… serious? You’d seriously let me stay in your cabin? But you’re CITs. I’m just-”

I interrupted her, “You’re just like us; regular girls who came to camp to have fun. Look, I don’t know what you’ve heard about me, but a month ago, the idea of me in a place like this was completely laughable. I’ve never been outgoing, and until I moved to Alpine Springs, had literally zero friends I could turn to.”

“So what happened to change all that?” She asked softly, a new curiosity in her tone.

“I stopped hiding myself, and I mean my true self. I let one person see me for who I truly am under all the grief I’ve been carrying, and it changed my entire life.”

She turned back to the photo and picked it up, speaking softly, “Just like Crystal.”

“Meredith gave me permission to place that in our cabin, if you want to do the honors.”

She smiled as she threw her arms around me. I hugged her gently back, and together we started walking back to the cabin. Meredith stayed behind to snuff out the torches and candles. For a brief moment, as we reached the main path, the wind shifted. I could swear I smelled a faint lilac fragrance. I looked over to see a stray tear roll down Natalie’s cheek.

“You smelled it, didn’t you?” I asked. She tearfully nodded.

When we arrived at the cabin she stared silently. I slid a comforting arm around her and stood beside her. I wondered if I had made a mistake.

“I can’t… I can’t do this. I can’t go in there and face them,” she said softly.

“Yes, you can. We can. Jen’s forgiven you already. The others will too. Besides, you’re not alone.”

She glanced down at me, being the taller and older of us, and smiled a little, “I guess you’re right. I’ve been running away from my pain, even making others miserable ever since that day. It’s time I stopped running.”

“That’s the spirit,” I offered, echoing the words that I’d heard so much this week. I took her by the hand and carefully led her inside. Everyone was in various states of undress getting ready for bed. Allison had just come out of the bathroom with toothbrush in-mouth. She stopped mid-brush, staring at us along with the others.

“Everyone, this is Natalie. She was Crystal’s best friend, and this was their cabin. I invited her to stay tonight.”

Allison bolted back into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Natalie started to turn to leave again, but I grabbed her arm. I wasn’t about to let her leave now.

“Just… wait here a second. Jennifer, Rachel, don’t you dare let her go,” I practically ordered. I refused to let this go unsettled.

Natalie turned to me, her eyes pleading, but I could not, and would not relent. I walked over to the bathroom and knocked.

“Ally? It’s Robin.”

Silence followed. I tried to open the door, but she had locked it tight. “Stop it Robin! I won’t have HER in our cabin! Not after the way she bad-mouthed you this week!”

“Allison Jones!” I snapped at her. I’d never had cause to be angry with her before. Actually, no one in our group of friends had ever seen me angry before. I think it scared them just a little.

“Natalie is my guest. You of ALL people should be able to appreciate the magnitude of what that means. I trust her, and I’m asking you to do the same. At least hear what she has to say.” I softened my tone considerably, “Please?”

By now Jennifer and Rachel had moved to Natalie’s side. I half-wondered if it was for her protection more than for my request not to let her leave yet. A few seconds passed, then several more.

Finally, the bathroom lock clicked, and Allison slowly stepped out. I pulled her close to me and kissed her forehead, “Ally… Crystal was Natalie’s Allison.” I hoped she’d understand what I meant by that.

She shot her gaze between me and Natalie, and reluctantly sighed, motioning for Natalie to approach. The other girl meekly stepped closer.

“Look, I’m still angry at you, and if ANYONE else had pulled this they’d be lying flat on their ass with several teeth missing right now. But Robin is like my sister. I literally trust her with my life, so I’m willing to hear what you have to say.”

Natalie nodded slowly as she insecurely hugged the picture frame close to her. “Fair enough.” She offered softly. She nodded toward my bed, “May I sit down? This was her bed.”

 
To say that I found the idea of having slept in a dead girl’s bed all week unsettling would be an understatement, but I resolved to deal with those feelings later. Right now I had a cease-fire to negotiate.

I had managed to calm Allison down enough to listen to what Natalie had to say, but I knew I was on unstable ground, even with her. I knew what made her so over-protective of me, and only making her heed my words, that Crystal and Natalie had shared a similar relationship, could even get her to hear Natalie out. Rachel, Nicole, and Jennifer had apparently decided to stay right out of it, so I was on my own.

The way our cabin was set up, there were three sets of bunk beds. Rachel and I shared a bunk on one side, Jennifer and Allison on the other, and Nicole bunked on the top bunk across from mine. Allison sat on the empty bunk across from where Natalie had asked to sit, where Crystal used to sleep, and I, still in my silver dress from the ceremony, pulled a wicker chair from one corner and sat between the two of them.

“Alright, I’m listening.” Allison offered more gently this time. She still held a bite of anger in her tone, but I could tell she was at least trying now.

Natalie cast an uncertain glance at me, and took a deep breath, “Alright, Allison you and Jennifer were here last year. You know the camp version about Crystal. It’s the abridged version that I told Rachel when she started snooping around.” She nodded toward Rachel, who cringed, offering a wry smile.

“Don’t worry. She’s innocent in all this. Everything I told her is the absolute God-honest truth. But I didn’t tell her the whole story either.”

She turned the portrait back toward us, and for the first time I looked, and I mean really looked at it. Crystal was a pretty girl with flawless skin and dusty brown hair, but there was something about her eyes. They seemed, to me, to be so full of sadness for someone smiling so brightly.

“I didn’t tell her how Crystal would, no matter what kind of day you were having, always greet you with a hug and a smile. I didn’t tell her how,” she paused, sniffling, “How she obsessed over lilacs. She had a motion-sensing air spray thing she put by the door, so that every time you’d open the door, it’d go off and spray lilac scent in the air.”

She paused a moment to smile at me, then continued, “And I didn’t tell her, or anyone else, what I was doing the day she found me and got me to safety. Everybody thinks I mistook a wild poisoned mushroom for an edible, but that’s only half-right.”

Allison gave a soft nod, “I remember that,” she said quietly, “And how Crystal carried you on her back to safety after she found you, I think?” I remembered Allison mentioning that on our nature hike, but like everyone else, she apparently assumed it accidental as well.

“Yeah. I heard some wild local mushrooms were good for a trip. It was a trip I almost didn’t return from. All I remember is Crystal visiting me in the hospital. She told me never to scare her like that again. I guess it didn’t work both ways though because that very next week…”

I moved from my chair to her side, holding her close and letting her rest her head on my shoulder as she cried.

“We were supposed to get together after camp. I was going to try and convince her to dump that jerk she was dating,” she sobbed.

She was in no shape to continue though, so I finished for her, “She was upset that the camp staff just swept it all under the rug. They sealed off this cabin and acted as though nothing had happened.

“It wasn’t me she resented, Ally. It was the way Crystal’s death was treated. Opening up the cabin again for us without telling us what had happened here was just pouring salt on the wound.”

Natalie gave a slow nod as she tried to clear her throat and speak, “I talked to the Drag–I mean, Meredith about it tonight. She told me you all felt the same way Spirit did about wanting to honor Crystal’s memory. I apologized to her for the trouble I caused, and to Spirit.

“This whole… coming here thing though, was Spirit’s idea. I wanted… God I wanted to see this cabin again so badly, but I knew there was no way you’d all let me in, especially after the way I treated you. I’m sorry.”

Slowly, she stood and walked over to the window. She set the picture frame against it, kissing her fingers and touching them to it, then turned to leave.

“Natalie, wait.” Allison offered as she stood, moving to follow.

“Robin… saved my life too.” She started. She then took Natalie’s hand, pulling her back to sit on my bed while she explained about the incident a week ago. Through tears she talked about how I ‘bravely’ pulled her from danger and got us to the safety of the Harris’ home.

“I love her like my own sister, and… maybe I was reacting out of my insecurities, my hate for the guy that tried to hurt us. I’m sorry too.” She finally offered.

I smiled as they hugged each other and knelt beside them. “The offer still stands if you want to stay here tonight, Natalie. You can use Crystal’s bunk if you want.”

She looked up tearfully, “Really? You’d let me do that?”

I nodded, “I wanted a bottom bunk because I’ve been having problems with nightmares. It’s mine to give, so to speak.”

She leaned forward to hug me, which nearly caused me to fall backwards. I caught myself and hugged her back, “You’re welcome.” I offered softly.

Alice seemed to have an innate sense for knowing when to come in. That and I suspected from day one that she liked to eavesdrop and plan her entrances.

This one was no different, as no sooner had I said that, she came inside, smiling warmly. I didn’t notice initially, but she had a bulky black backpack slung over her shoulder.

“I trust everything is in order, girls?”

I smiled over at her and nodded, “Alice, we don’t have to go to a meeting tonight do we?”

Alice smiled as she shook her head, “No. We’ve already taken care of that. You girls did such a wonderful job with the luau and with Crystal’s memorial service, and since you refused to take the morning off too, we decided to cut you some slack. Oh, there is one thing though. Natalie, I have to swear you to secrecy about something.”

Natalie nervously stood, approaching, “Um… Okay, what about?”

Alice raised her hand, “Raise your right hand and repeat after me. I, Natalie Poole, do solemnly swear that I will not repeat to anyone,” she echoed Alice’s words, but at the next part, she went a little wide-eyed, “That the beautiful, talented, incredibly cool,”

“Don’t forget modest!” Jennifer teased.

She laughed, continuing, “Modest! Counselor Mason made a junk food run for CITs and their honored guest.”

With a giggle, she slid off the black backpack and opened it. Potato chips, both baked and fried, as well as a couple of quart containers of ice cream awaited. I had to laugh.

“I thought you said your name was Alice, not Kristina Kringle,” I teased.

“This is a one-time deal. When Spirit told me what happened between you two tonight, and asked if you could stay here, I decided to do my little part to make tonight special and raided a few secret stashes.”

I couldn’t help giggling, as I glanced over at Allison, “Hey, you didn’t bring your nail polish did you?”

She grinned, “Not the whole shoe box, but I packed about a quarter of my stash; y’know, just in case. You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Rachel gave us a confused look, but Jennifer and Nicole started giggling, cheering in unison, “SLUMBER PARTY!”

Nicole continued, as she pulled Rachel over, “Robin and I had our first sleepover the night that she convinced me to go to a rock music camp instead of staying home and getting stoned while feeling sorry for myself about my jerk boyfriend dumping me.

“The next week after I came home, we went out for THE most romantic, magical night of my life.” She abruptly paused, blushing as she glanced at Alice, “Um… Could you maybe pretend you didn’t hear that?”

Rachel giggled quietly as Alice nodded, “Just be more careful in the future.”

Natalie looked between Nicole and me, but with Alice present she didn’t ask what I know she wanted to. I did give her a soft smile and a confirming nod though, and left it at that.

Jennifer added next, “Yeah, and last week I got in on the fun when I met Robin for the first time, and we had another slumber party to celebrate the coming camp. So now it’s your and Natalie’s turns to be our guests of honor.”

Lights out was usually at ten, but we were all far too wired to think about sleep until well past two. We completely wiped out the ice cream and most of the potato chips, and for the first time that week, Alice was more a friend and confidant than a counselor. We knew tomorrow things would be back to normal again, and enjoyed that night for all we could.

Natalie even opened up about what Crystal was like. She told us stories about her love of music and animals, and how she would’ve been a second year CIT. Natalie resolved to come back next session as a CIT, and promised she’d do her best to get others involved.

I got up some time during the night to use the facilities, and when I came back out, Natalie shifted in her sleep. I leaned over to kiss her cheek softly, and smiled at the portrait, illuminated from behind by the full moon. “That’s for you Crystal; rest in peace.” I offered softly, crawling back into bed.

I never smelled the lilacs again, at least not without there being a definite source, but I made up my mind that when I returned home, I was going to plant a bush in Margie’s front yard and see if they’d grow.

I didn’t remember my dreams that night, but the other girls told me after I woke up, that I had been smiling. That at least, was something. Natalie for her part, stayed around and talked with us some more.

I think she still felt guilty for the way she’d acted before. I’d promised to help her turn her reputation around, and even got the others in on that, so rather than letting her run off to go back to her cabin alone, I got dressed and walked with her.

I left her at her cabin to head down to the nurse’s for my morning dose of becoming-a-woman, but rejoined her by the time she came out again, much to her bunkmates’ surprise.

“Hey girls. We’re just heading down to breakfast. We were up, like, way late talking last night,” I offered as I wrapped Natalie in a hug, leaving them utterly speechless. Natalie actually giggled a little as we walked away.

“Ice cold, girl. That was ice cold.”

I beamed, “They need to see for themselves that we’re friends now. They can ask the how’s and why’s later.”

I was really proud of what I’d accomplished. They say that the greatest victory is not to defeat your enemy, but to turn your enemy into your friend, and with Natalie, I’d done exactly that. I’d done more than that though because I’d helped heal an old wound, and started a new camp tradition.

I saw Amanda again that day as well. I hadn’t seen her at the luau, but with most of the camp there that was to be expected. Her cut had begun to heal, and she wasn’t having too much trouble walking.

Wednesday afternoon, we had just returned from a wilderness expedition. We were already sweating in the mid-afternoon sun, but we learned a lot, and had a fun experience overall. As we hiked back into camp, Natalie came running up to us.

“Spirit there you are!” She sounded out of breath, “I’ve been running all over camp trying to find you. Meredith needs to see you, like, this morning!”

“What’s this about?” I asked.

Natalie gave me a sympathetic smile, but shook her head, “She wouldn’t say. She just said it was urgent. I’ll take your pack back to your cabin if you want. She’s at the staff lodge.”

I slid my pack off and handed it to her, but not before hugging her, “Thanks so much. I owe you one!” I called, as I sprinted off down the path. A month ago, just five minutes of jogging would have had my calves begging for mercy, but now, this was just hitting my stride.

I rounded the corner of the staff lodge, up the front stairs. I stopped right in my tracks though, seeing Margie sitting on one of the sofas with Meredith across the way. I could tell from there that Margie had been crying, and I wondered if someone had found out the truth.

“What’s going on? Am I in trouble?” I asked nervously as I entered.

Margie looked up and smiled warmly. “No, Robin, you’re not in any trouble.” She said with a certain cheerfulness in her tone that I hadn’t heard since before Mom’s accident. She stood and closed the distance quickly, enveloping me in a hug.

“Kelly called this morning, sweetheart.” She said softly. My breath caught in my throat as I waited for what came next: “Linda’s awake.”

Those two simple words flooded me with such unbelievable, unspeakable relief. I broke down and started sobbing.

I had come to grips with my guilt earlier that week and finally managed to let go of it, but this was still such an incredible relief. I felt as though a ten ton weight had not only lifted off my shoulders, but then hurtled into the farthest reaches of space never to be seen again.

She carefully led me back to the sofa where I stayed glued to her side for several minutes. I finally managed a choked up whisper, “When? How?”

“Kelly said that when she came in to check on her before heading home for the night, she leaned over to squeeze her hand, and Linda squeezed it back. It was all she had the strength to do yet, but it got her attention. She ran back down the hall and grabbed the first doctor she could find to make sure it wasn’t just an involuntary muscle movement.”

“So it wasn’t? I mean, she’s really awake?”

She nodded with a grin. Meredith, who had been sitting silently close by gave us both a warm smile. She quietly excused herself and stepped out of the room. I watched her leave then turned my gaze back to Margie. “I have to get back home,” I stated. It wasn’t a request or a suggestion.

Margie smiled as she nodded, “Meredith said that given the circumstances, she's more than happy to vouch for you leaving early when it comes time for you to become an official Scout.”

“I need to talk to the other girls. I need to let them know why I can’t finish camp." I felt, in a word, bubbly. I never felt such an absolute peace in my life.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Margie offered.

I shook my head as I grinned, standing. “No, I’ll be okay. Thank you though!” I bent down to hug her and practically raced out of the lodge. I nearly bumped right into Meredith as I rounded the corner.

“Oh, excuse me Director Meredith. I was just on my way to tell the girls the good news!”

“Robin, what’s going on? Meredith said she couldn’t tell us anything and that we had to hear it directly from you.” Allison came running up the path with the others not far behind. I giggled as I threw my arms around her.

“It’s about my mom,” I started sobbing again as I hugged her. “She’s awake!”

Allison squealed right in my ear as we hugged again, the other girls racing over next.
“She’s awake!” Allison bubbled excitedly, resulting in my getting lost in a massive group hug.

“I have to go, though. I mean, I’ve been waiting for this day for almost a month, constantly wondering, hoping, even praying, and now it’s finally here, and I can’t help but feel bad for abandoning you all like this though.”

Natalie shook her head. “Don’t, Spirit. Don’t feel bad for us. As you said, you’ve been waiting for this day. I mean, this is your mom you’re talking about. You need to get your butt back to California as soon as possible. Besides,” she glanced at Meredith, “If it’s alright with Meredith, I’d like to help pick up the slack around here the next few days. Maybe I can get a few more girls to come back for official CIT next session.”

I smiled at that as I hugged her tightly. “Thank you so much, Natalie,” I offered. “Allison has all my contact info. You and Rachel can get it from her. Right now I have to go pack.” I then gave everyone a hug in-turn, including Meredith and Alice.

I went back to the cabin to gather my things, though I had to stop as I noticed Crystal’s portrait. I picked it up.

“I don’t know that you had anything to do with this or not, but helping your friends cope with their grief helped me to cope with mine. I’ll never forget you, or the lessons I learned at this camp,” I said softly, setting the portrait back on its window ledge.

Nicole stepped inside, approaching me. “I want to go with you,” she stated insistently.

“Nikki…” I started to protest. I sighed, sitting on the bed.

“You don’t want me to go?” She asked as she sat beside me and wrapped me in a hug. I laid my head on her shoulder.

“No, I do want you there, more than anything! It’s just … I don’t want to drag you away too. If I could I’d bring you all, but I couldn’t do that to you guys. Mom’s got a long road ahead of her.”

“Robin, sweetie? Did you forget what I told you on our first date?”

I blinked, looking up at her. “That you’re adopted?”

She laughed. “No, goober, that my parents are loaded. Daddy has access to, like, tons of frequent flyer miles. Just say the word and you and I can be out to Cali in style by tonight.”

“You’re kidding right? I mean, I’m honored, but-”

She cut me off, though it wasn’t her finger she pressed to my lips this time. I smiled at the sudden kiss. She giggled, “Look, I already talked to my parents about this awhile ago. I asked them nicely if there was anything they could do for you when your Mom finally wakes up.

“Like I said before, I’ve never asked them for much, so they know when I do want something, or someone, it’s serious.” She winked, kissing me again.

“I love you.” I blurted without a second thought as I hugged her tightly.

She giggled. “Love you too. Now come on. Let’s go say goodbye.”

After saying one last goodbye to our friends, both old and new, Alice walked with us back to the parking lot. I decided I desperately needed a shower, so I took one last quick one in the staff facilities, changing into my CIT T-shirt and shorts afterward.

After I placed my and Nicole’s suitcases in the trunk of Margie’s car, Alice wrapped me in a gentle hug. I hugged her right back and smiled.

“Good luck in all you do, Spirit. I hope you come back here next year.” She practically radiated cheerfulness. “For what it’s worth, I certainly will be. This was my first year to volunteer at this camp, and I’m very happy I did.”

“One way or another, I’ll definitely be coming back, whether it’s convincing Mom to move out here, or just coming to spend the summer with Margie. Take care of the others for us?”

She laughed, “You know I will, dear. Tell your mother we’re all pulling for her to make a full recovery.”

I smiled as I opened the back door for Nicole, closing it behind her and seating myself. Margie and I stared at each other for several seconds just grinning, basking in the unbelievable relief we both felt. Slowly, we rolled out of the parking lot. I looked out the window, watching Camp Kutomanu fade into the distance.

Bob and Gina both met us at the airport that afternoon. Nicole and I practically sprinted to meet and hug them.

“Thank you so much for setting all this up,” I offered through tears, kissing Bob’s cheek lightly. He blushed just a little as he smiled down at us. “Anything for our little girl. Besides, we’ve been building up unused miles for awhile now. We could fly to Europe several times over, but Nicole never wanted to leave Alpine Springs until now.”

Flying coach on a commercial airline had NOTHING on flying first class! I couldn’t believe how comfortable and accommodating everything felt! I also couldn’t believe we managed to get a flight that night.

Bob must have pulled some strings somehow, but I didn’t dare ask. Nicole and I stayed right by each other’s side for most of the trip, arriving in San Francisco mid-evening, courtesy of the time zone weirdness.

I knew I’d need to drop off my things and freshen up before we visited the hospital, so after parting ways with the Morgans at the airport (minus Nicole of course), we rented a car and headed ‘home’.

Everything was precisely as I’d left it. My book lay haphazardly on the table, and a half-empty glass of VERY stale red cream soda sat on a coaster nearby. I turned and gave Margie a quick hug. “I’ll just be a minute. Nikki, just make yourself at home if you want.”

I never thought I would actually miss the sea of pink. Entering Robert’s room literally felt like entering Robert’s room. It didn’t feel like mine anymore.

The bed was mine, and the desk was mine. The unisex dresser was mine, and the dark wall paneling was mine, but it at the same time, it wasn’t. I set my suitcases down, digging out my makeup kit and hair brush.

I heard Nicole’s voice in the hall. “Can I come in?”

I glanced over, calling back. “Sure. I just need to do my makeup. I won’t be a minute.”

As I sat at my desk, I emptied the contents of my purse, grabbing my compact and lip gloss. I angled my mirror just in time to catch the surprised look on Nicole’s face.

“Not what you were expecting?”

She laughed. “I guess I just sorta got used to the pink. This is… Um…”

“Boring. I know. I’m kind of hoping we can sell this house and move back to Connecticut. Margie has that spare bedroom and everything. I could take a summer job to help pay bills, and Mom could get disability while she’s recovering.”

Nicole ran across the boring, brown carpet and threw her arms around me. “Oh that would be wonderful! I don’t think I could stand having so much distance between us for very long.

“And like I said, earlier, the folks have tons of miles built up. I mean, I’m not saying we pack your mom up and cart her off now, but when she’s well enough to travel, it’d be a lot more comfy flying first class.”

I smiled as I capped my lip gloss tube and put everything away again, then turned to stand and wrap Nicole in a tight hug. For the first time in our relationship, it was me that kissed her: a soft, sweet, subtle kiss between girlfriends, and for once in this last two weeks, not ‘just’ girl friends. I smiled at her surprise.

“Um… Wow. You’re welcome?” She giggled.

“C’mon, you nut. Let’s go let Margie know we’re ready. God I’m so nervous.”

As we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, I flipped down our rental car’s built-in sun visor mirror, taking just a moment to touch up my lip gloss. Margie watched in silent amusement.

“What?” I stared at her a moment.

She giggled. “You. It’s just amazing how far you’ve come. I’m just really proud of you, and Linda will be too. Are you ready to go see her?”

I nodded quickly. “A little nervous still, but I keep thinking about what Kelly said. She’s my mom, and I’m her only child.”

Margie nodded. “Smart girl, that Kelly.” She winked, causing both Nicole and me a giggle as we stepped out of the car.

Everything felt so incredibly surreal. Even just entering the hospital should have been a terrifying experience for me, but it felt almost calming now.

Margie walked over to the reception desk, while Nicole and I went to take a look around the gift shop. We were in such a hurry to get out here, I hadn’t given a second thought to a proper gift.

“Oh, that’s so cute!” I reached out to catch Nicole’s arm, pointing to a little ceramic painted figurine of a Victorian woman holding a little girl with black hair. I picked it up without even inspecting the price tag.

Nicole laughed. “Not really my thing, but I bet your mom’ll love it.”

We added a balloon and flowers to our purchases, then met up with Margie at the elevator. To my surprise, Kelly met up with us as we stepped off at our designated floor. She was dressed in her familiar pink hospital scrubs, but now bore a new nametag, declaring her status as a Registered Nurse.

“Hey you two. Trina phoned from downstairs to let me know you were coming up. How was your flight? Oh, hey Nicole!” she exclaimed at seeing Nicole bringing up the rear.

“Awesome. Nikki’s parents sprung for first class tickets! I didn’t ask what Bob had to go through to get them on such short notice.” I beamed, wrapping Kelly in a hug. “How’s Mom?”

She smiled. “Better. She’s still pretty weak, but she’s able to talk now. Robin, there’s something you should know,” she hesitated. I looked up at her with concern, but she deflected it with a soft smile.

“While she was comatose, I came by for an hour or so every night and talked to her. I didn’t know if it would help, but I’ve been talking to her about you, and about your new life,” she paused, grinning at Nicole, “And your new girlfriend.” I began to wonder if everyone but Nicole and I knew how we felt about each other even before we stopped trying to fight it.

“This afternoon when I came to check on her and bring her lunch, she asked me when she’d get to meet her daughter.”

And this was why I went easy on the makeup. Tears welled up as I stood there, stunned absolutely speechless. I leaned into Kelly’s embrace, as Margie and Nicole put their arms around the both of us.

Kelly carefully guided me down the hall, into the intensive care ward. We stopped just outside, and Kelly turned to smile at me. “I’m just going to go and see if she’s awake first.”

I nodded, smiling as she stepped inside. When she didn’t immediately return, Margie stepped inside next, leaving Nicole and me outside. Several seconds passed, and I began to worry that something was wrong. Finally, I could wait no longer, and squeezing Nicole’s hand, I pushed the door open, cautiously peeking inside.

Kelly and Margie stood on the far side of the bed, grinning at me. Mom looked over and smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks. Most of her minor wounds on her arms and face had healed, leaving some minor scarring, and only the large bandage around her head remained.

I had the feeling I had just been set up, but I didn’t care. I ran into the room, carefully leaning over to wrap my arms around her.

“My baby,” she whispered softly in my ear as we both cried. “You look so beautiful.”

“Mommy!” I squeaked. I hadn’t called her that since I was four, except in my dreams, but as naturally as it slipped out, it seemed kind of fitting. I stood for a full minute over her, hugging her tightly.

“How much do you remember?”

She smiled as she reached a hand up to cup my face in her palm, “Bits and pieces. It’s not important now, sweetheart. What’s important is you. I’ve waited so long to see you smile so brightly.” She looked over at Margie with a smile then glanced toward the door. “Who’s that?”

I smiled broadly as I set the gifts I’d bought earlier on the bedside table. “Momma… There’s someone I want you to meet.”

I looked back at Nicole, who stood hesitantly at the door. I grinned, motioning for her to come closer, immediately grabbing her hand and squeezing it gently. “This is my girlfriend, Nicole.”

Nikki blushed as she moved closer. “Call me Nikki; it’s nice to finally meet you. Robin’s talked about you so much.” A few stray tears rolled down Nicole’s cheek as she put her arm around me, smiling down at Mom. “We’re all so relieved you’re okay. Our counselor Alice said to tell you the whole camp’s pulling for you.”

Mom stared at us oddly, only now beginning to realize we both were wearing Girl Scout Counselor Trainee T-shirts. She practically beamed. “You have to tell me everything I’ve missed,” she said softly, squeezing my hand.

Kelly grinned, “I’m going to go talk to the head nurse about extending visiting hours. You all just make yourselves comfortable.”

As she stepped out, I began to relate to her everything that had happened since leaving California behind. I did, for my part, leave out the incident with the psychopath because I didn’t want her to worry needlessly.

She lay there silently as she listened, smiling over at Nicole as I described our magical first date, and our hopes for many more to come.

When I finally finished with the details of how my time as a Girl Scout had progressed, she smiled knowingly.

“So you’re a Girl Scout now, are you?”

I nodded, smiling proudly. “Honorary, but they wanted us to officially join, too.”

“And a trainee Counselor? Well… Far be it for me to keep you away from your fellow scouts. As soon as I’m strong enough to get out of this bed, I’ll start looking for a buyer for our house. I need a vacation anyway.” She chuckled weakly.

“… Really?!” I gasped. It was all I could do not to crush the poor woman with a hug, Nicole racing around the other side to hug her as well.

It would still be some time before she could be discharged, and even longer before she could realistically go back to work in such a high-stress position, but we’d cross that bridge when we came to it. For now, I was just happy to have her back, and she, it seemed, to finally see her daughter smile.