My current story’s getting quite long. I had started out hoping it would be about 5000 words long and I’ve already written double that! I knew I should have written something concerning the clocks going back on the same day as Halloween this year, but I could only think of some quite dark plots involving that idea.

I'm baaack. Wait, you say you didn't know I was gone?

My wife and I have been together for 13 years now, she is very supportive and even manages not to laugh at me - something amazing considering how a 6'1" bearded pseudo-woman must look to an outsider. Oddly enough, she has seen me dressed innumerable times but this morning was the first time she has seen me getting dressed. Since I wake up far faster than she does, I am always completely dressed before she gets out of the shower.

My biggest problem with this life is that I have to deal with Mirrors.

Mirrors are purported to show the real you.

Unfortunately I have never been able to look into any mirror and see myself. I see some fictional Male that everyone tells me happens to be who I am. I however have always known that mirrors are terrible liers. My one wish is that before I die I could see my real self in a mirror just one time.

I really do not think that is asking for too much.

Do you?

Had a horrible night last night, and got no sleep. I am not sure how best to describe it, but its sort of like this: Imagine having the sex drive of a typical teenage boy, but instead of having a nightly fantasy of poking one's peter into the nearest available hole, there is a terrible emptiness the needs, craves, demands to be filled. I don't know if that's how genetic girls feel arousal, but that's how I experience it.

Well chapter 13 is underway being written - but as it always is Dueling chapters Suck to write - oh well it is a major part of the story thou.

Other news - My cat is on the mend, and dispite the fact of it not liking wet food its now eating wet food - Gah Cazy animal

I also might have another Fiction idea in my head - but the problem is that its another anime one but i dont think people would want another anime fic on this site.

I thought that I had forgotten the family; put them away; given it up as a lost cause, but I just found out, through the Grapevine, that my youngest Daughter has had a baby. I don't know when she had it or the gender. She is full blooded Korean and he is Caucasian, so the child is apt to be quite lovely.

This thing has once again brought the longing for a reconciliation with my family to the front. I wonder if it is but a vain hope? This time, a Christian pastor has offered help, and I am wondering how far I am willing to compromise my own beliefs in order that progress can be made.

I fear i cannot keep simply drifting along, just letting my life happen. Writing my latest piece "choices", has really brought things to a head. Instead of being a release, it has opened up a Pandora's box of feelings, and I don't know how to survive it's contents. And yet, no matter what course I chart, I will suffer losses so large I can barely cope with contemplating them, much less face the reality. I am breaking in pieces, and i have no idea if i can survive long enough to glue them back together again. If you are of the praying kind, a prayer for me would be appreciated.