Autobiographical

Boy or Girl Kit? :)

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Riding weather is here again and I'm trying to decide if I will wear bike shorts or that with a pleated skirt over. I usually wear a hijab under my helmet for concealment and to keep dry. I don't bother with clippy shoes. I'm wondering if I should wear tights or would it have prevented my road rash? I had though I was mostly uninjured in my mishap, but it may have momentarily rang my bell. I've decided. Girl kit it is.

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Life Almost Imitates Art

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I've never been a fan of dancing or cheerleading, but circumstances conspired to have me at a dance show for a local high school. It happened like this: my daughter (now in her mid-forties) just got a job working at the high school as a restorative justice counselor, where she meets a whole lot of the students. The cheer squad was planning a big show on stage, and when some of them found out she had been a professional dancer in her youth they talked her into performing with them. In my totally unbiased opinion she did them proud, as a mature woman she still has the chops.

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Isn't that just ducky...

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My surgery on my hand in supposed to be this Friday. I had to get a Covid test today. I've had a sore throat this week. Lovely.

Those who believe, please pray I can get the surgery. I'd love for the pain to be done.

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Stay in touch with your friends

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A good friend of mine died a few days ago. He was at a funeral and collapsed. He would not go in the ambulance and died later that day at home. I used to see hime several times a week. I only heard today.

We lost touch during covid and I owed him and his wife a meal. I kept promising myself I would call him and arrange it. Life, work, and family just got in the way. I thought I'd spoken to him just last month, but when I looked at my phone log it was late December.

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I've managed to make my life much harder.

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Well, I have managed to make my life harder.

First, I got taken by a scammer and now I have lost my Facebook account.

Then, today, a cop told me my registration for my car had expired. I went to go fix that, only to discover my insurance had also expired.

I'm doing my best to fix this, but boy would it be great if I wouldn't put myself in these situations to begin with.

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My struggle with dysphoria

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So today was not the best day. I had just crawled out of my worst depression in decades, and then I got hit with a nasty bout of dysphoria

Once more, the simple reality that I will never be "pretty", never even get SRS, hit me right in the heart, and yet, because Mom and I were doing errands I had to keep pretending I was okay.

Sighs . . .

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a pretty uneventful Easter

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A couple of days ago my aunt Terry asked if we wanted to join her for Easter dinner, and we accepted.

So after I came home from Easter service at my church, we picked up another one of my aunts, and went over to Terry's place.

What we hadn't realized that her ex husband and her adult kids were also going to be there, and I don't think I've seen them since I started my transition in earnest.

So there I was, in my best Easter dress, sitting with a bunch of guys.

And nothing bad happened.

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Happy Eostre

No, its not a spelling mistake, its the name of the Anglo Saxon goddess of fertility who was honoured @ the Spring Equinox each year - yep Easter is yet another celebration adopted by the Christian church to appease the non believers.

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I have the strangest dreams

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Okay I really have to share the dream I had last night.

I was working in a store that was getting ready for Christmas, as huge amounts of stuff came in that we needed to find room for.

Suddenly, I realized there was something wrong - we were apparently stuck in a time loop, doing the same stuff over and over again.
Not only did I figure this out, I figured out how to get us out of it.

The store's Santa had to pick a particular item as a present.

I told him of it, he picked the right package, and the loop was broken.

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on my manic state

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Since I'm currently in a manic state, I figured I would talk about what being manic does to me.

See, unlike the depression part of my cycle, which is always kind of the same, each time I'm manic seems a bit different from the last.

Sometimes, when I'm manic, I become giggly like I had taken a serious hit of pot. (Its also when my girly girl side comes out most. That, of course, is Jaci's fault).

But sometimes, instead of that, I become irrationally angry at everything and everyone.

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one sick Dot

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so for the last week, I've been dealing with a rather nasty flu, mostly settling into my nose and throat.

So when I tried to talk on Discord or on the phone, I basically had no voice at all.ge

Then yesterday, things managed to get worse.

I broke out in hives all over my back and belly.

I called the local health line, and they told me getting an allergic reaction to a flu virus does happen, and the best I can do is treat the symptoms until my immune system kicks out the flu causing the trouble.

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It’s been awhile…

Warning: Don’t read this if you’re squeamish there’s a lot of nasty things that are going to be said. If the moderators think I’ve went too far in explaining what has happened to me then they are free to remove it. I just wanted to get this out into the open.

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my time as the Ugandan ambassador to the (model) UN.

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I don't know if I have ever told the story of how I became the Ugandan ambassador to my school's model UN.

I had signed up, because I was fascinated by the idea, until the random generator said I was to represent Uganda.

If you've seen pictures of the people of Uganda, they are mostly black, and if you've seen pictures of me, I am most definitely not black.

So being the nerd I was, I came up with a backstory to explain why I was picked as the ambassador, even though nobody but me seemed to take the model UN thing terribly seriously.

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Does Detransitioning mean you were not Transgendered?

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I've felt a bit odd lately and have gone out in full male mode a few times. If my facial structure was more feminine, I could look like a Butch Dyke, pardon me. I had my hair all cut off to about to about 6.5 mm (1/4"). I am going out today for several hours and plan to do more of that. To me, it seems that my transition, including bottom Surgery, might have been ill advised. Warnings from the Psychological Community seem dire because many of them feel that it is a precursor to Suicide. I'm not feeling that. My children would undoubtedly support detransition.

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Referral pt 8 - officially female

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A lovely surprise call this morning from my Doctor's office telling me that I had been issued with a new NHS number. That's because the gender marker has been changed and I'm officially female. That was supposed to take 3 weeks but was completed in just 11 days! I'm also, once again, able to order prescriptions online now that the national NHS database has been modified.

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Where has Dot been ?

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Okay, so last night Jaci called me, and told me some people on Discord were rather concerned about me, since I hadn't been on in a while, nor had a posted a blog here.

I told her and the others I had gotten super focused on a stupid D&D thing I had been working on, and just kind of tuned everything else out.

But having had a night to think about it, that was only partially true.

See, last Thursday, a 16 year old boy killed 2 police officers, seriously wounded his own mother, and then took his own life here in Edmonton.

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Referral pt 7 - Social accounts & outing(s)

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After monday's call from my GP I had some thinking to do. Last night I was in a pub where the owner was marking his 20th anniversary as the pub landlord. That event had me standing next to a couple who are retired teachers (having both taught my daughter) and with whom I'm involved with festivals & projects.

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Crappy Internet

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My Internet is undependable. I don't need speed. I don't game. Shopping is getting worse and worse. Ads on Facebook used to be relatively safe but now most are spam and some try to fishe me. BCTS has been fine aside from slow downs once in a while. YouTube used to have good movies but now it seems to be in decline.

Is it the Banks or what? I've been wanting a Laptop or Tablet but it is like dealing with criminals.

What?

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Grateful For Your Help.

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I've wanted to be an Author all my life. Unfortunately, the forces of a life of parental abuse and after kept me distracted for a long, long time. Coming to Big Closet, almost as soon as it opened, my writing was awful despite the fact that I had taken Creative Writing courses even in the late 50s in school. For me, School was a happy place, giving me a chance to escape my tormentors and to be able to play. My grades were way below acceptable, almost failing and I did not care, a fact that exasperated my teachers.

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got my PTSD triggered, need hugs

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So a couple of days ago, while in Walmart, I saw what looked like a book that looked like a novel with a cute romantic comedy vibe, so I picked it up.
At the start, the book delivered on that vibe, as it told the story of an ordinary man and a witch who fall for each other.

They met, he somehow defeated the glamor on her house (which is supposed to make people forget it and the residents) to remember her, they had a meet cute, they had a misunderstanding, it was all going pretty much the way I expected.

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Surreality

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So last night the wife and I had dinner out - not all that unusual. As we were leaving, a guy held the door for me, then complimented me on my shirt and earrings.

Folks, in real life I'm a very large, fat old man with a full, gray beard. Could I possibly been reverse-read? Did he somehow see my inner woman?

I did appreciate the compliment, though.

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I'm going to have Sam twice a week

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So because Sharon has been unable to get a caregiver for Sam, she's going to have to come here twice a week on the days Sharon works.

On the one hand, I love seeing Sam, and I'm sure she's not unhappy to spend time with me and mom.

On the other hand, this means me getting 1 mental health day a week is going to be impossible, and I worry I am not going to be able to provide the activity level she needs.

I think she needs someone who can keep up with her, not a crippled Dad.

Well, we'll just have to do our best.

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Many Thanks. It's Been Fun.

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Creatures of darkness have gotten at my accounts and at my age I may not have enough gray matter left to fix it all. It is very late in life for me, and while there has been no official diagnosis, it is a struggle to keep track of things. Having gotten rid of my car, there is no car payment, Insurance, or petrol cost and these days that is a substantial sum.

My sincerest gratitude to those who have shared kindness between us. Sadly, my children are mostly useless if I need help. I have Lymphoma and right now it seems to be less troublesome.

Peace and blessings to you all.

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