and yes i know its only Saturday.

And tales thereof!

So last night, I had a rough dream, and I'm still struggling to shake it.

In the dream, I was at university, and I was being bullied by this guy. So I followed him to his home, and coldly threatened his family if he didn't leave me alone.

Now if I had just lost my temper and maybe hit him, it would be bad, but somehow this calculated anger was much worse.

And like I said, I haven't been able to shake the dream all day, maybe in part because I'm in the depressed end of my bipolar cycle.

Anyway, I'm looking for huggles, if anybody has some to spare.

is certainly living up to the hype so far!

I've got a meeting next week with a Psychiatrist and I am very afraid. I'm pretty sure that she will try to get me back on Psychotropic Medications again and the prospect is chilling to me. From about 2002 until 2007 I was on drugs that really messed me up and I believe caused me to lapse into Suicidal Ideation several times. In my opinion Psychatric folk are egotistical and can act without good reason.

I had an idea about my bipolar condition.

I think it is kind of the foundation for my other issues.

What I mean by that is that if for example I'm struggling with PTSD, whether I'm manic or depressed at the time will affect what symptoms I will have, and what strategies might help me get through it.

I think that means that I am going to have to try and be aware of where I am on my bipolar cycle whenever another issue is present, or I may not be as successful in coping.

Still got lots of work to do, I guess.

Today, I found a fairly large scratch on my lower right leg, and as occasionally if not often happens, I have no idea how it happened.

I feel like maybe I should use the technique lepers use - Visual Survey of Extremities - in case I had seriously hurt myself without knowing.

I honestly don't know what else to do.

I finally got my "Titanium Eternity Collar", and I love it! My only advice would be is to order extra keys for it because it is a 1.5mm set screw and hex wrench. I lost the screw getting it on and was fortunate enough to find it. It is on now and I hope to go to a local Hardware store to get more of them and allen wrenches. Not sure, but I think it is on to stay until I get the spares OR if I take it off, it will stay off until I get them. This is all part of my unashamed, blatant penchant for mild BDSM.

for days - i'm sure we are just hours from announcing a drought!

Just came back from a short break with my mother. She is 85 now and has just lost her partner. I want to spend as much time with her as I can.

I never got much "Leeanna" time, as one of my sons stayed for a few nights. So last night I got a chance to try out a wig that my mother helped me pick. Long gone are the days my own hair sufficed. The dreaded testosterone has thinned my own hair too much to convince anyone.

She insisted it had to have a fringe. I think she was right.

There's a few more weeks before my NHS complaint is due to be resolved, but I'm beginning to have doubts that it will be resolved - at least in one of the scenarios that I would accept. I won't speculate further but will let everyone know what their answer is when I receive it.

Unsurprisingly I have heard nothing from my GP but I was called to the local general hospital for a mammogram, confirmation that my gender marker has been changed. The all-clear letter arrived a few days ago; it wasn't a definite as there's breast cancer in the family.

After our experiences on our Arkansas trip, Melanie and I have been taking it easy at home in California.

Meanwhile, a bit of drama we were not involved in directly happened in New Mexico: the insurance and the body shop managed to lose the car somewhere between the shop where we left it after being towed off the freeway and the body shop where it was to be evaluated for repairs. :)

I'm posting this as a courtesy to my wonderful, loyal readers. I felt the need to explain the rather inconsistent publication of my two current stories, "Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves" and "Out of the Past."

so last night I dreamed I was on a cop show with David Boreanaz. I helped interview a suspect, I fielded a call from headquarters, and the two of us drove back to the station together after rescuing a co-worker.

Hey, don't ask me, folks. I just do the dreaming.

Apparently they don't use the term Aspergers any more. Instead they use PTSD or CPTSD here on the west side of the pond. I don't know how those on the east side see it. I'm thankful to live in a place where they don't badger me to be a social butterfly, and the solitude agrees with me.

I see that I have written about "Spem in Alium" and other classical pieces that I find agreeable. It is doubtful that others would understand my love of "Queen" , "AD/DC" and among others ELO. Suffice it to say that my soul lives on that, Science Fiction and my quest for knowledge of the Creator.

Just wanted to give a big shout-out of thanks to all the people who took a look at my story.

I'm working on the edited version, and you guys have helped make that a lot better.

Hopefully I'll be publishing soon, and you guys can judge for yourself.

A'ight, SO.

I mentioned the car trouble and layover yesterday in our blog.

Well, today we got news it's worse than we thought. As such, more details are warranted.

THE STORY THUS FAR:

We left AR around noon on Monday, feelin' perky and like we could take on the world, so we decided to cut down on our remaining trip time and costs by pushing forward: no motels, just napping in the car on the way, taking turns driving and napping.

So I stood up to my stepfather last night.

Okay it was just a dream, but still . . .

I dreamed I walked back to the house we had in Calgary, and found him there picking on my younger self.

So I got between them, and told my stepfather if he wanted to pick on someone, he could try me, as I was his size.

He ran away, leaving me behind, calling him a coward.

Then I woke up.

I honestly am not sure how to feel about this dream, but I think its a hopeful sign.

Nope i saw it myself, no coronating to be seen for the King or Queen!

(For safety reasons, locations will be referred to by letters rather than name until after the trip is over.)

Yesterday morning about 10 AM we officially set out on our trip for AR! It's about 24-ish hours (driving) to get to our target in AR, so we've budgeted 3 days out and 3 days back, with 1 day there for any visiting and nabbing of my stuff.

Yep, my 14th anniversary of being on this site has arrived. (well, my account says "13 years, 12 months" but details).

Boy, things sure change in 14 years - which isn't really surprising, but somethings remain pretty much the same.

I still love reading the amazing writing offered in this site, and am always staggered to even be mentioned in the same breath as some of the talented writers here.

I am still the one who comments on a lot of stories, which I hope isn't annoying.

And I am still the one who is hopefully growing and improving as time goes by.

I just learned that the couple that I think wanted to abuse me around 2005 to 2008 has been arrested. At least I think this might be them. He was at least 350 lbs and wanted to pee on me and lock me in a box under his bed. He wanted me to eat his fecal matter. He wanted to chain me up. She was skinny but went along with him. They have apparently abused perhaps a dozen children, and imprisoned them. I hope they haven't murdered anyone.

- Well it fooled me anyway!