I need to apologise to anybody who got worried about my last post.

First a bit of an explanation. due to some passive-aggressive stuff by me, I ended up owing extra on my cable/internet bill, and could not pay it off this month.

I ended up rage-quitting with my provider, and then panicked that if I suddenly wasn't on for a while, people would worry about me.

instead, because all my manic energy turned into self-hate, my post was more likely to worry people.

I was already in the process of finding a new provider, so if there is a gap, it shouldn't be long.

As this is likely my last chance to post this side of the various religous festivals!

Well, it's been one of those un-fun weeks of dealing with Covid sweeping through everyone at work, and therefore also myself and those at home. Not a horrible case of it for me, fortunately, just mild fever for a couple days, sinus flooding before the rainbow when the clouds parted, and now slow recovery with instant exhaustion after doing anything.

Hello all, it's been quite a while since I have been on Big Closet regularly.

(I have maintained my hatbox membership though, because Big Closet needs to be here!)

The last time I posted any stories was in September of 2019.

Well it did mean i got a bit of writing done instead!

of Advent for any God botherers out there, a fortnight to party season for the rest of us!

so yesterday, my mom convinced me I needed a hair cut, as it was starting to go all over the place. Sadly, I just can't seem to have long hair, so I agreed, and got it done.

Since then, seeing my reflection has brought out my dysphoria, which only got added to today when my ex commented that I looked more like a man, more like the person I was before I started wearing women's clothes in public.

So I am really feeling ugly, and would appreciate any hugs anybody can spare.

Christmas.

Christmas has always been a goodish time for me, decent ones as a kid, quiet, riotous or drunken ones as an adult. I like the time of year. Not the stress, the crowds or the harrying but the festiveness leading into the turning of the year.

This last year I have been climbing out of a deep pit (life, the universe and other things) back into living, and it is good’ish.

Plans for the future are being made, small ones and big target (but achievable) set.

Okay so Mom and I went to get our laundry done today, despite still recovering from the flu.

We use a laundromat rather than the machines in our building, because they aren't all that good.

So we get there, get our loads started, and this gentlemen starts talking to my mom, because she mentioned living in the northern part of the province, and he apparently worked out there.

I swear, he was basically chatting her up, but I wasn't going to be a spoilsport and tell him to stop.

so yesterday, I got very sick, with the runs, vomiting, joint pain, and a fever.

I'm a little better now, but still not all the well.

huggles appreciated.

I'm sick. It appears to be a simple cold, but it's been with me for five days. I'm going to try to get in to see a doctor today or, at least, get a covid test.

Things may be delayed around here for a bit.

Hugs to all,
Erin

Reading a story here, that set me on trains of thought. The story had dark and light, but I identified with a bit I really do not like having identified with.

The idea of suicide by neglect. It rang true and hit home hard.

And a lot of the other issues about growing up and acceptance and self doubt etc.

So here is my story, not for enjoyment or sympathy but to see if I can put it into some semblance of order that makes sense to me. Some info will be relevant, some is just me hanging it into its place for me.

well, I have some good news.

I talked with the cable company, and got them to wave the 470$ fee for my cable box.

I feel a lot better . . .

A last post from oop North!

otherwise known as Yorkshire!

Sorry for the erratic postings but my access to the interweb is a bit sporadic this week.

About forty minutes after I went to bed last night, the power went off again. This time just the once. I wasn't sound asleep, and the emergency light in the hall coming on woke me. I checked everything, then went back to bed. My calico was a bit upset, presumably due to the UPSes beeping, but was easily calmed. I managed to doze some, but didn't get soundly to sleep. About three hours later the power came back on. This time it was off long enough that the UPS keeping the video recorder alive ran down. I was wide awake, so I set the clock and reprogrammed it.

So much for sleeping in this morning. I was awakened about a quarter after 7 (yes, AM) by a series of muffled bangs, and the Shark AI repeatedly telling me it was charging (there's a distinctive set of chimes). I looked at the alarm clock, and it was dead. Power was off, and after several attempts to come back on was staying off. For a large part of Frankfort. After waiting a while with no restoration, I walked to the end of my street and could see that the traffic signal at the intersection of US 60/US 421 was not only out, there was a city police van parked there with its blue lights on.

I just watched the final episode of Doom Patrol. I can so relate to Jane's journey, coming to terms with what had happened to her, and finally beginning to re-integrate her other selves.

that the story ends on a hopeful note honestly gives me hope for myself.

Wheeee-eeee! Pop!

Well, I am finally recovering from the flu, and so is my mom.

maybe now I can get back to writing . . .

Well, my lack of financial planning have resulted in me not having a cushion to cover an unexpected expense.

in this case, we had to replace our cable box, which is going to set us back just under 500$

with that, plus having to pay for my mistake with my cell phone - about 300$, I have basically given myself a headache for the next 6 months, as I will have to pay in installments.

I really wish I would stop making my life more difficult . . .

I have recently spent more time as Leeanna in public. I never got a hostile or second glace, apart from some guy checking out my legs when the wind lifted my dress above the knee.

I learned most people will pass you by as they are not interested. I spent a few days on the Essex coast with a very kind gentleman who has been encouraging me to spend more time as my other self. Over the weekend I spent longer as Leeanna than I have ever before.

Its been a bit since I blogged, so I want assure everybody I am still alive.

further updates as the situation requires.