OK, I know I asked about this befor, I think. The thing is that I sometimes have problems keeping my thoughts straight, so perhaps I would not remember if someone had helped me, perhaps.

The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #50: Makeup 101, Ala-Bobbie To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

There was a blog-question relating to makeup recently, and I wanted to respond, but as I was writing it, I noticed how long my comment was turning out to be, and how involved I got, so I decided to write a new blog altogether.

every once in a while, I read a non-trans story that makes me feel like putting on a tinfoil hat, because the author has caught my emotions perfectly, even while talking about something else.

I had commented on a post by my friend Aurelia saying I couldnt even pretend to be normal, and this was her response:

I will becoming up on 4 years here at BCTS and have enjoyed so many wonderful stories. I just want to Thank Everybody for the friendship that is shown here at BCTS
Love to everybody HUGS RICIE@

I often wondered why I had to go through a lot of the things that I did. It seemed that the universe thought that I was some cosmic joke and used me as it's whipping boy. Between abuse and a lack of permanence, I thought that chaos reigned in the universe and there was nothing I could do about it. I hated myself for complaining about my life, because there were others that had it way worst.

I used to hate my life

I don't anymore and I hope this could be an encouragement to a few.

I've been thinking and praying a lot today, and I've decided I'm going to continue my transition, the rejection by my brother and sister-in-law notwithstanding. Maybe that makes me a "selfish bitch" in my sister-in-laws words, but it has to be done. I love them, and my heart aches that they think this transition somehow hurts them, but I have to seek wholeness.

Well, I came home this morning to a message from my sister saying my brother was hurt by the reaction of my friends on facebook and by my not jumping to his defense. So I did the only thing I could do - I sent a loving response, and then took my dog for a walk outside in my prettiest skirt, just because I could. I'm not going to let them pull me down anymore. I love them, but I need to keep myself healthy first and foremost.

well, my brother and sister in law took the time to send replies to my facebook post about finding guys attractive, and frankly, their reaction stings. My brother's reply pretty much implied that I was trying to talk myself into being attracted to a guy, and not only that, that I had talked myself into feeling like a girl in the first place.

He may not have meant to hurt me, but I find his response to be a slap in the face, and it hurts.

Gonna go cry for a bit, then I'm gonna fix my face, and start moving again. Not going to let this stop me....

Okay, its serious discussion time, but lets keep it friendly, okay?

Can a person change orientation?

One of the big differences between the genders is socially. I mean, as a socially awkward guy, while I had problems, I got a lot of forgiveness just because guys arent expected to be as socially aware. But an awkward girl is in for trouble, and that's where I am now. I spent so long in Guyland that I missed a lot of how a girl gets socialized, so I find myself not sure how to act around people.

Makes me wish I had a girlfriend or two to help me integrate better into female society, and sadly, online friends, while nice, arent quite enough.

Can I make a little confession here? Yesterday, when I was doing laundry, I put on a skirt so I could wash my pants, and I could feel tension leave my body as I walked around my house in the skirt. I could feel my blood pressure drop, and it felt like a breath I hadnt even realized I was holding in was escaping, taking with it a lot of my stress.

Weird, no?

Ladies, gentlemen, and those who think of themselves as both or neither, I wish to have your attention for a few moments, so that I can publically sing the praises of a talented writer, a tireless champion of both the trans community and of victims of sexual abuse, and a great friend of mine, miss Andrea DiMaggio.

Small baby steps, this is how I'm doing it.

Heyo, your friendly neighborhood Jenn here. I wanted to bend your ear a bit, if i could. I love my readers very much. I love every kudo (I'm addicted to checking) and every comment. I try to pm everyone who comments, if i missed you I'm very sorry. More than a few folks here at BCTS have pointed out I'm kind of a "Debbie downer" when I write. I am working on it, I really am. But on occasion my poison pen manages to produce something not so depressing.

I got a little bit of extra money this month, and I think rather than just blowing it on an extra trip to McDonalds or whatever, I'm going to set it aside and make a "Dorothy fund" account. Then, whenever I can, I'll add to it, and hopefully, when I'm ready to move forward with a name change, I'll have enough put aside to cover the costs.

I find myself being terribly jealous of my friend Katie She's not been out of the closet that long, and already she looks better than I do, and has a boyfriend besides ...

Well, I got good news at work last night. My transfer has been approved, and Feb. 15 is going to be my last day at my current site, and then I will get to move to a site much closer to where I live. My car will thank me, as will my wallet ...

I don’t know why, but sometimes I feel dishonest somehow for posting stories on this site. It’s hard to explain, but here it goes. I’m not transitioning, nor do I have any plans to transition from male to female in the near future, but sometimes I feel that the desire to transition is some kind of unwritten prerequisite for posting on a site that’s a friendly place to read and write TG fiction.

I started writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I had a tough session in group therapy today. One of the women talked about having been given electroshock treatment, and she started crying talking about how it made her lose memory.

Alright like the title says, I've been a bad girl. Before the end of the year, some of you might remember me posting about my walking. I was doing four miles a day and was getting close to a fifteen minute mile. I know, I know some of you more healthy people can run four miles in twenty minutes. But for me this is huge, I had it a stretch goal to be running by March I think.

I started on a new diet today, or at least a new plan for how I will eat.