I got even worse news about Kylie tonight. Her best friend messaged me on Facebook, and told me that the local sheriff had come by. Apparently, Kylie had told the shelter where she was living that she was moving in with her friend, and the shelter was quite concerned about her mental state. And since her friend had not even heard from her much less have her show up, it seems clear to me that she had this well planned so no one could possibly stop her.

I wrote a poem in tribute to her:

"Dont give up" she said,

The last words from her lip

OK ladies, here is the deal! In parts of the Nation (world?) Influenza is pandemic and I'm pandemic too. So, in the last two months, I've had a collapsed lung, Pleursy, Pneumonia and that other thing we are not speaking of. I'm still burning there!

So, today I went grocery shopping and felt like I was 2/3 conscious, you know the feeling? It makes me sad and whiny too. I wish one of you lived close so that you could come by and spank me once in a while; a tune up you know. So, if I make some bad sounding comments, just yell at me! I respond to that.

So it's been a long while since I posted an update about myself here. I've still been around, working behind the scenes but many may have noticed that I've not been very "public" at all lately.

Truth is, I've been through hell and back, and I don't think I'm done yet.

Well, I feel like a dope.

My friend Kylie got a hold of me tonight, and asked me if I wanted a laptop. When I tried to talk about how much I missed her, she just said "Dont get too attached."

Does anybody else on Big Closet write their stories in secret? What I mean is that nobody in my life knows of my TG interests and desires and probably never will. I don't have any problems in keeping it to myself nor do I find it necessary to let people know because, in my opinion, it really is a personal aspect of who I am and I'm happy with it the way it is.

The bible says "All things work for the good of those who believe", but how can my being trans work for the good? What good can come out this kind of struggle?

I keep surprising myself. It's like I never even knew the real me. It's been eye opening.

Things are happening fast and I am happy. Happy for the first time in a long time.

I know I have rubbed a few people the wrong way with my bluntness and the way I approached things in the past. Probably most of them have me on ignore and won't see this, but I will put it out there anyway. First off, I wanted to say that I am sorry that I offended you. I will do my best from here on out to be supportive and nurturing. It is not my place to criticize and it is certainly not my place to judge.

Two days and about $400 bucks. Might not seem like a lot for some people but this is for a tiny unit in a mobile home. Heck, in today's economy, that's about 2/3 the value of the home.

Been doing a lot of thinking on the subject of my attraction to men, but I'm not sure I've made a lot of progress except coming up with 3 ideas:

This is my response to someone who mentioned people looking at my facebook page and seeing me dressed as a woman:

First night this winter it actually got below freezing here and my furnace went out at 10 p.m. last night. I didn't get to sleep until the dog got under the covers with me about 2 a.m. because SHE was cold.

Got the repairman outside looking at it now, if it's an electrical problem, he should have it fixed soon. If it's the heat exchanger, well, that furnace is old enough to have run for president against John McCain. Third party ticket though, so no hope of winning.

Got to take Cuddles to her eye checkup in an hour, looking forward to the heater in the Nissan.

So I've been keeping everyone up to date and just maybe I can help people who are kind of in the same situation as I am. I came out to everyone, and I mean everyone. Were my problems solved? No. I find that my emotions are all over the place as I enter a world where I am no longer wearing the mask of my male self, a person who didn't really exist except for the comfort of others who tried to label me male.

Happy New Year everybody, may 2013 bring you all happiness and the life you want as your true selves.

Everyone is posting pictures, I'll give it a try. I am still in male mode, but this is week 3 of HRT for me. Changes from the current photo include new studs (time to train my ears don't you know) and I am mostly wearing womans jeans now, like anyone but me can tell the difference.

They finally decided to give us Christmas vacation at work, after telling us repeatedly it wasn't happening. Good enough, I needed the down time.

This is me and my boy around 2004, he is the only reason I am still here.

Well, right now, I'm plodding away at "Jake goes for help". Its a really tough story for me, for obvious reasons, so I can only do so much and then I need a break from it. But I'm hoping to have Chapter 4 finished by the start of the new year, and my basic outline has maybe 2 chapters thereafter before the story ends. I have tentatively planned to have a flashback chapter as a totally separate chapter, so those who would have trouble dealing with such things can skip it without missing much of the story.

Recently I saw an add about a local church which said they would accept anyone, so I emailed and described my transgender status and said I was looking for a church where I could attend and not hide my true nature.

Here is the reply:

Patricia,

Everyone if you are so inclined a RL friend of Wren's has posted a bit about her in this blog Her friends name is Jessica, and I thank her for telling us a little bit more about our dear friend. Hugs, Jenn.

As everyone who has been following my blogs lately knows, an old friend from high school has come back into my life and is living with me along with his fiance while they get back on their feet. In doing so, I had to sacrifice my life as Katie, mainly out of fear at how they would react to the fact that I was really a girl and had deceived him when I was in high school. I was willing to make that sacrifice. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I was willing. I deleted all my bookmarks that would have given any clue to my true nature.

Merry Christmas to my BCTS family.

So, astonishment of astonishments, my Son now talks to me and has opened a "Dropbox" account, and wants me to put my picies in it so that the rest of the family can see me, and I asked him if he really wanted to do that, and he said that he had seen me on his visit last summer and not found me repulsive, so I should put my photos on Dropbox. GASP !

O K it is 2 days before Christmas so I would like to wish my BCTS family a very Happy Holiday and A very Good New Year to come
Hugs & Kisses may you all have happiness and peace :-) RICHIE2

Well the holiday rush is upon us and as usual, it's been a bit hectic fitting in all that needs to be done. But the gift shopping is all done. We finished it up yesterday. One of the things that needed to be fit in was practice for the Christmas concert that my wife will be singing in. That and she needed a new outfit to wear for the concert. The dress code called for Red and/or black.