The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #67: In Remembrance To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

As many of you know, Holly Hart passed away recently. 40 days ago, to be exact.

I don't really know about others, but among traditional Catholics, we usually hold a requiem mass forty days after a loved one's passing. I was not a relative of Holly's IRL, so I did not think it proper to arrange for such a mass. So all I did was to include Holly's name (both as Holly Logan and Holly Hart) in the list of mass intentions for yesterday's regular service (people can ask a priest to offer a Mass for several reasons, like for example, in thanksgiving, for the intentions of someone else, like a birthday, or for the repose of the soul of someone who has died).

I am not a "real" relative, nor do I think Holly was Catholic, nor particularly religious. I guess this is more for me more than anything, to declare my wishes for her, and to declare my sadness that she's gone.

Hi all I have turned Sixty eight and am feeling younger than ever!!!!! Must be 'GIRL POWER'.

Love and hugs to all my friends on Big Closet, Carla Bay.

Welp. my life is going great again. I've moved out. Moved in with my room mate MJ, and we get along great. I'm living full time as a girl everywhere I go. Dad's not holding me back. and I'm moving forward with my life.
I've decided to pursue my writing degree, and try and study abroad in japan, for an added experience in another language. just to help myself understand other parts of the world a little bit better.

So yeah. my life is getting great. Yay me~

The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #66: Sleepy Girl To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

It's about one AM, Saturday here. Moe and I landed in Manila International an hour ago. We got through customs super-fast (compared to DC), and are staying in the passenger lounge until our ride arrives. Manny is extremely late. I called him and he explained that no one told him we were arriving tonight much less the time of our flight's arrival. Hmmm. Someone dropped the ball there. Will investigate on Monday.

Ah well. Manny said he's at least an hour away. That's okay - gives me time to post this.

Today I did the next small step:

I had a meeting with my manager at work to plan my transition at work.

I like my highs, most of the time.

They beat the heck out of my lows, which are awful.

you might be sick of reading autobiographical stories by me, but I have an idea for at least one more.

He was 92

Well, this morning I was getting ready for church, and decided to try a LBD (That's a little black dress, dont you know).

I spent some time talking with my pastor today, talking about being trans, being a survivor of sexual abuse, where I am now, and my desire to find a way to give back to others for all the help I have been given.

A coupe of interesting things came out of it; first, she wanted to re-assure me that from the first time she met me she found I "radiated a feminine energy" so she had no doubt that I am a girl.

I had the day off and drove over the county border into Devon. The reason for my quest - see below.

So shit hit the fan today.

Amy's parents basically told her that I don't care for her, that I'm not welcome as Family any more, and that she will probably be cut off from her family if she doesn't leave me.

And by leave me, I mean they gave her a deadline of next saturday (2 days after the amniocentesis).

Fuck this shit. Fuck it all up. Fuck it out of the park, out of my life, into deepest darkest space beyond the reach of telescopes. Fuck it into the past, fuck it out of all recognition, break it, twist it, mangle it until there is no resemblance to its original state. Fuck it past its original state, into the primordial pre-fuckery that spawned it.

I am fed up. I just want someone to sort me out, because it is becoming painfully obvious I am incapable of doing it myself.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Here is another poem from Kylie:

I could say I love you as much as the sun is bright
But it is much too dim

I could say I love you as much as the winter is cold
But is much too warm

When Dorothy wrote about a recently-resurfaced memory of hers, in which she shows off a dress to her mother, I assumed I had nothing that was even remotely comparable from my own childhood. Now I'm not so sure.

So as you may remember, I got a new job at the end of July and started on the 30th of that month. Well about 2 weeks ago, they told us that we had to do an orientation thing, where they could tell us all about our job, show us where everything is and stuff like that. Like I haven't learned where all the stuff I need is at after a month there.

Just an update note on how my health problems are progressing.

For about the past three weeks, or perhaps a little longer, I've had a mild sore throat. Symptoms: slight discomfort there, perpetual taste of old milk, intestinal bloating on account of the gunge draining down, resulting nausea and so on.

Last week I decided it had gone on long enough and went to the doctor. Cue loads of tests and a completely unexpected finding.

I wanted to write today.

I TRIED to write today.

Okay, I did write, a bit.

But not nearly as much as I wanted to.

I have passed all of he hurdles for Gender Re-assignment surgery. The VA did all of my pre-op tests and decided I needed to se a cardiologist to clear me for surgery. On the fourth of September I was cleared and now am ready for the 17th of September at 6:20 AM. My surgery will be in Bristol, Pennsylvania at the Lower bucks Hospital. Dr. Sherman leis (lease) will be performing the surgery.

In August of 2007, when I went to Thailand to have SRS, I contacted a Urinary Tract Infection, post op. Who knows how it happened. It is a whole new world when you cut your primary defense against such things off and make it a Vagina. You go from at least several inches separation between the tip of your penis, and your anus, down to an inch or two. Ecoli is resident in your intestines, and in males it is less troublesome than in females. I had contacted a strain of Ecoli that is antibiotic resistant, perhaps due to poor sterilization of the tools?

The sun rose lazily over the horizon, making the sky explode in a kaleidoscope of colors. Reds, oranges and pinks fought for dominance in the great pallet of blue. She stood feet firmly planted a long twisted dark road behind her and an uncertain lighted path in front of her. She remembered the words of one of her favorite authors since childhood.

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost”

I had my first radio interview and I hope that it went well. I gave a little shout out to Big Closet in my bio.

Tell me what you think.

The link is HERE

struggling with flashbacks all of a sudden. I wonder if there is a connection between being stressed for other reasons and how frequently I relive my rapes?