~* When Two Hearts Collide *~ “I know the feeling, but from the other end. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I prefer women is because … I’m scared of men. It’s hard. I really like Regina — I do. I love spending time with her, but I wonder if I do it because the alternative is just too terrifying, or if I genuinely want to be with her.” Moira paused then cleared her throat. “So ah, what happened? Did you kiss her?” “Ew, no,” I giggled a little and shook my head. “We talked it out. She says she’s okay with us staying friends, and I believe that. It’s just the first time that I’ve had to question my feelings for Nikki. That scares me.”

---

“Robin?” Moira’s voice startled me from my thoughts. I had to smile though as I rose from my computer chair to catch her in a hug.

“Hey, glad you could make it. Did you have any trouble finding me?”

“Not at all.” She held up her smart phone with an almost smug smile. “GPS is a treat. I just punched in your Da’s address and let it do the work. S’everything alright with you and Nikki? Usually you’re joined at the hip.”

“Oh, yeah we’re okay. We had a little relationship bump, but it could’ve been worse.”

“Uh oh. You wanna tell aunt Moira about it?” she teased, sitting on the edge of my bed. I had to laugh.

“Aunt? You’re younger than my sister you know.”

“Aye that’s true, but remember I had to grow up fast. I never did feel all that young.” She paused to roll her shoulders. “But this in’about me. Come on. Tell me what happened?”

“Really, it’s nothing. Remember Katelyn?”

“Oh sure. Seems like the longer I know you the less secret my secret identity becomes,” she teased. “But I thought everything had calmed down?”

“Well, it … sort of turns out she has feelings for me.” I answered. I pictured the gears turning in Moira’s head despite the stoic expression as she listened. “It’s just weird, you know? We clashed so much this semester, all because she didn’t want to deal with the fact that she’s apparently bisexual.” I sighed as I sat down next to Moira. She smiled as she draped her arm over my shoulders, letting me lean into her.

“I know the feeling, but from the other end. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I prefer women is because … I’m scared of men. It’s hard. I really like Regina — I do. I love spending time with her, but I wonder if I do it because the alternative is just too terrifying, or if I genuinely want to be with her.”

Moira paused then cleared her throat. “So ah, what happened? Did you kiss her?”

“Ew, no,” I giggled a little and shook my head. “We talked it out. She says she’s okay with us staying friends, and I believe that. It’s just the first time that I’ve had to question my feelings for Nikki. That scares me.”

“Oh, Robin,” Moira cooed. Her sweet Irish brogue sent a small chill down my spine. She cupped my face lightly to look me in the eye. “Life will not always be easy, and nothing’s ever set in stone. You can’t be afraid of what might or might not happen though or you’ll never be happy. Do you love Nicole?”

“Yes, with all my heart.”

Moira smiled knowingly. “Do you like being with her?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then don’t worry about it. I know that she loves you. She completely trusts you, and that’s a very rare gift for people like us, to trust someone so completely.” She slid her hand over my shoulder reassuringly. It seemed in that moment that we had connected in a way we never had before.

“Moira, can I ask you a really personal question?”

“It’s about what happened to me, aye?” She seemed to squirm just a little and a light sigh escaped her lips. “Well I knew I couldn’t keep it from you forever. Only Nikki and Jess know. Kris suspects, but Lucia hasn’t a clue. Nobody else does.”

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me. I was just kind of wondering if it was similar to what happened to Nikki.”

“I want to tell you though. I’ve another date tonight, and I want to tell her the whole story. I guess you could say I need the practice, hey?”

She hesitated again and cleared her throat. “I was assaulted,” Moira continued softly. “I… got pregnant, and I did something I’m not proud of because I thought I had no other choice.” She stiffened slightly, staring at the ground in silence. “To this day I regret my decision. I’d give absolutely anything to go back and change that. Even if the child was unwanted, it… it wasn’t right.”

“So that’s why you’re worried about your relationship with Regina. Moira I’m so sorry.”

“Yes, I’m afraid that it all goes back to the assault, that I’m using her, you know? More than that, my Da never forgave me. Said it was unnatural, what I’d done.”

“I won’t lie to you. There have been times when I’ve wondered quietly if Nikki isn’t … you know, the same way. But do you know what I’ve decided?” I smiled as I gently cupped her face now, looking her in the eye. “I’ve decided, just now, on the advice of a good friend I trust very much, not to question it anymore. I love her. I love being with her. I love everything about her, and I can’t imagine not being with her at this point in our lives.”

She brought her hands up and gently swept away fresh tears. “Physician, heal thyself, in other words,” she joked half-helplessly.

“Well, yeah. It’s good advice. I mean look at my sister. She and Kelly have been best friends for longer than I realized. They went to college together. They’ve backpacked across Europe together, and now fate’s brought them together again. Neither of them really knows what’s going to happen with their relationship, but they’re happy with things the way they are right now.”

“Sure, but they’ve known each other for years. They’ve built a relationship on trust and friendship. I’m just scared I’ll wake up some morning and realize I don’t love her.” She finally exhaled, shaking her head. “I’m afraid of becoming my Da.”

“If anything you remind me of your mother, and I mean that in a good way.”

Moira laughed. “Six months ago I’d have knocked you out cold for that; I don’t care if you are a minor.” She smiled and kissed my forehead. “Right now though, that’s probably the sweetest, nicest thing anyone’s ever told me. We Cameron women are a tough breed y’know.”

I had to smile at that. “I guess you’ve patched things up since the wedding then?”

“Who d’ya think I asked to perform at your school dance? Oh, don’t worry. It’s not going to be stuffy classical music. They’ve some rock and even a little techno they can draw on, and Ma even owns an electric fiddle!”

“You’re kidding? That’s great! So is Shadowfang going to crash the party?” I teased, assuming I already knew the answer. She laughed.

“No, I thought I’d attend as Moira actually,” she answered with a grin. “But don’t tell Nikki. I want it to be a surprise.”

“Oh she’ll definitely be surprised. We’re going dress shopping this afternoon. Margie has some gorgeous designer gowns in stock, and thanks to Chelsea and me doing some modeling work on the side, business is really up. Regina’s been so much fun to work with.”

“I’m trying to talk her into flying back to Europe with me for a couple of weeks. I’d love it if she could be our personal photographer, but the stress of touring’s just not for everyone, y’know?”

“Plus the strain of keeping your personal lives separate. I don’t know how you guys do it.”

“It’s not easy. Well anyway, I still have a few more errands to take care of before I head back to New Haven.” Moira stood at that, pulling me into a hug. “I came by to see how you’re doing, but it seems like you’ve helped me out too. Thanks.”

I shrugged as I hugged her back, and shook my head. “Hey, you helped me too. I feel so much better about the Katelyn situation now. It’s been weighing in the back of my mind for like a week.”

“That’s what big sister types are for — so I’m told,” she smirked, but broke into a cheery laugh as she turned to step out. She paused at the door to look back. “By the way, when is this big competition of yours?”

“It’s May 14th, right before prom and graduation.”

“Ouch. Cutting it kind of close aren’t you?” she flinched.

“Yeah, but after that I’ve got a couple of weeks before the first Girl Scout camp to just relax and catch my breath. The only hard part is going to be doing the first session without Nikki, but I really want her to go back to that rock camp she attended last year.”

Moira grinned. “I hear they have a bad-ass bassist instructor coming.”

I laughed to myself, returning to my e-mail.

~oOo~

“Hi Robin, Nikki!” Victoria called cheerfully as we stepped inside ‘Touch of Style’. She quickly waved us over, holding up a strapless sequined burgundy gown. “What do you think?”

“Really brings out your eyes,” Nicole answered immediately.

“Thanks. I’m a little worried about the fit, but your sister said she knows someone that can alter it for me. She’s so sweet. I guess you’re here to shop for your gowns too?”

“Yeah, not just because my sister’s the owner either,” I joked, holding up, and then quickly returning, a bright gold a-line gown. “Uch. Gold is so not my color.”

Victoria laughed. “Maybe something in a dark green. A lighter color would probably wash you right out.” She disappeared around a clothing rack, popping her head up a moment later. “Hey, did you get Chelsea’s text?”

“Um, no?” I answered, but pulled out my phone anyway. Sure enough there was a new text from Chelsea waiting for me. I stared for a moment trying to decipher Chelsea’s short-hand text-speech. Nicole laughed as she peeked over my shoulder.

“Team-building exercise tonight. Five o’clock at my house.”

“You should come too Nikki,” Victoria added genuinely, before I could ask exactly how Nicole had managed to decipher the otherwise unintelligible string of text and numbers. “I know you’re not into the whole perky cheer scene, but friends and fam are always welcome.”

“I wish I could,” she started, “But I promised Ally I’d help her out tonight.”

“Oh that’s right,” I added. “She’s got her first babysitting job tonight. You don’t think she’ll mind if I’m not there will she?” I asked as I turned back to Nicole.

“No way,” she shot back with a laugh. “I mean, how much trouble could one kid be?”

Victoria practically cackled as she shook her head. “Famous last words.”

Nicole stuck her tongue out at Victoria before turning back to me again. “Seriously, go over to Chelsea’s.” She paused and a sort of ‘I’m up to something’ smile crossed her lips. “We’ll swing by later tonight if there’s still time.”

“Really? That’d make me feel so much better.”

“Finding everything okay?” I heard one of the sales girls ask from behind. “Oh, Robin!” she corrected herself as I turned around. “Sorry, I didn’t see you come in. Margie asked to send you to her office when you got here. You too Nikki. She has something important to show you, or something.”

Nicole smiled as she waved at Victoria, following me toward the back of the store.

“Wonder what this’ about?” Nicole asked quietly. I shook my head.

“No idea, but if I had to guess, probably Shadowcraft-related.”

“Really? What makes you say that?”

“Well,” I shrugged lightly as I reached for the office door, “She didn’t tell her salesgirl. We’re the only ones who know she’s the author, remember?”

Realization dawned on Nicole’s face as we stepped through the door. Packing peanuts lay scattered here and there around a large, open box on Margie’s office desk, but my sister was nowhere to be found. Nicole and I stared at each other for a moment before she took the initiative and peeked inside the box.

“It’s a … lunchbox?” she offered, surprised.

“Do kids even carry lunchboxes anymore?” I certainly couldn’t remember the last time I’d carried one, but then, our cafeteria back in San Francisco actually had an on-staff nutritionist and well-trained staff, unlike some of the pop-culture horror stories, and Alpine Springs’ was none-too-bad either.

“Sure they do,” Margie’s spoke up behind us. “That’s just a prototype though. The factory’s set to start making a small number for distribution at the next comics convention though, along with a few other neat things, once we okay the design implementation.”

“We?” Nicole echoed. Margie grinned as she nodded.

“We. You girls are my inspiration. You get as much creative input on anything in the Shadowcraft unverse as I do.” Margie stepped closer, spilling a few more packing peanuts out onto the floor as she removed the high-polished metallic box for us to see. Aria Blade and company stood heroically together on one side, while further back a little girl seemed to be watching them with delighted interest.

“Wow, that looks awesome. Robin, we’re a freaking lunchbox,” Nicole giggled.

Margie laughed as she carefully set it on her desk, turning back to us. “So, now that that’s out of the way, need any help finding gowns? I have a few more that we’re going to put out on display this afternoon too.”

“Awesome. Do you need help?” I asked. Margie smiled.

“Who am I to turn down free labor?” she teased.

~oOo~

Several cheerleaders’ cars lining the street came into view as I rounded the corner in my own little yellow dream machine. Of course, I’d call anything Nicole had restored for me a ‘dream machine’, but as cars go, a fully-restored convertible sports car is nothing to sneeze at either.

At first I couldn’t quite remember what Chelsea’s house looked like, even though I’d been there before, but I followed the sounds of laughter and loud hip-hop bass beats to the back yard easily enough. The girls stood in a circle, and as I drew closer, I thought I could hear Maria’s voice.

“So lemme lay it out old-school fashion. I’m here to sing it out cause this is my passion. Don’t nobody question when I’m rulin’ the microphone, the Latina hip-hop diva rollin’ heavy on my own. But don’t let my mad rhymes scare you; I ain’t here to be rude. Hey look there’s my friend Robin, let’s hear you drop some ‘tude!”

Suddenly one of the girls grabbed my hand, pulling me to the center. Maria grinned, bowing graciously as she backed into the circle again, leaving me alone.

“Um… I’ve never done this kind of thing; I mean, I can barely even sing.”

Jennifer giggled. “Okay girlie, you get a reprieve, but that was a good first try. I really can’t believe you’d try and deny that you’ve got some natural rhythm, just hear yourself speak. You’re the west coast princess, stylin’, rockin’ it chic.”

“Nice one,” Tracey mused, high-fiving Jennifer as Maria shut off the music.

“Sorry I’m late. Nikki and I were helping my sister put out some new gowns and other stuff, and we just sort of lost track of time.”

Chelsea rolled her shoulders and smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

“We were just kinda goofing off while we waited for you,” Maria added. “But I’ve gotta go get ready! I’ve got a date tonight,” she added with a playful wink. “You guys have fun.”

“You too,” Chelsea shot back. “Don’t stay out all night!”

Maria laughed. “Yeah yeah. I’ll try and sneak in before sunrise,” she teased, disappearing inside.

“So!” Chelsea continued, turning back to the now more loosely-packed group of girls. “I know this was kinda short-notice, so I just want to remind everyone that if you had other plans tonight, you shouldn’t feel like you have to stay.”

Victoria nodded as she stepped forward. “Yeah. Chels and I were talking, and we decided that since everyone’s been working so hard, and with the stress of prepping for finals too, that we could all use a night to just unwind and have fun.”

“That’s why tonight is the Alpine Springs Cheer and Dance squad’s first annual vintage movie night. But don’t worry, they’re all awesome selections from the depths of my dad’s movie collection. Vicky, Robin, and Trace, you’re on popcorn detail. I’d do it myself, but I have to set up the home theater system.”

Tracey bumped her shoulder lightly against mine. “She’s just volunteering me because I’ve been here enough that I could navigate this place blindfolded,” she joked as we headed inside. As the three of us veered off separately into the kitchen, she added, “Hey Robin, how’s Moira? I guess she’s back from-” she cut herself off at remembering Victoria’s presence, but I picked up where she left off.

“From Europe? Yeah. I actually just talked to her this morning. She said she’s going to be playing bass for the group that’s playing at prom this year.”

Victoria, oblivious to the implications of that news, merrily went about popping the first batch of popcorn, meanwhile Tracey continued to stare blankly back at me for a second or two before finding her voice again.

“You’re kidding? Oh my God, that’s awesome!”

Victoria, startled by Tracey’s exuberant squeal, glanced back at us. “Okay, I give. Who’s Moira?”

Tracey and I both giggled as I answered. “She’s a really close friend of both me and Nikki. Actually Nikki kind of considers her as an adopted sister.”

“Plus she’s an amazing musician. I met her when she chaperoned our Girl Scout ski trip last winter.”

“Ohhh,” Victoria answered, turning back to tend the popcorn. Tracey gave a mock-sweat-wipe gesture as she turned to one of the near cabinets. She certainly seemed to know her way around, as she immediately retrieved several large bowls.

“So how are you and Nikki doing? Is it true Katelyn…? Er…”

“… What?” I asked, a little concerned.

“Well I heard a rumor that she tried to… you know,”

I blinked. I just had to laugh. “I don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but Katelyn and I are just friends. She’s been tutoring me in piano, and I took her homework to her when she was sick, but that’s it.” I hesitated though. “Okay, if I tell you what really happened, will you promise not to repeat it? I don’t want to make her life any worse, but if there are already rumors about us then I need to get the record straight.”

“Sure,” Tracey answered. Victoria turned back toward us with a smile and a nod.

“What really happened was that Katelyn admitted she had developed feelings for me, and didn’t know how to handle it.”

Victoria smiled knowingly. “So that’s why she was all agro with you?”

“Yeah, exactly. The thing with her ex-boyfriend had nothing at all to do with me. She was venting at me because she didn’t want to admit she likes girls as well as guys. But that’s all that happened. We talked, she said she was okay with just being friends, and I promised to help her if I can. I know how it feels to feel completely conflicted inside, like just being yourself is somehow a horrible crime that makes you some kind of monster,” I trailed off. Both Tracey and Victoria surprised me with a hug.

“You’re not a monster Robin,” Victoria spoke first. “You’re the kindest, most giving and forgiving girl I know.”

“Before Amy left,” Tracey added softly, “she pulled me aside, and she confided in me that she was really happy we picked you to replace her. Amy doesn’t give compliments lightly.”

“Everything okay in here?” Chelsea called from the doorway. Victoria turned back to remove the pot full of popcorn from the stove, pouring its contents into the remaining bowls as she nodded.

“All done,” she chimed, but secretly glanced at me with a wink before turning back and picking up a bowl in each hand. She handed them to me as she and Tracey picked up two more each. Chelsea bobbed her head neutrally.

“Alright then. Robin you’ve got some people here to see you. Be sure and tell them they’re welcome to stay!” she added as she turned to return to the living room.

As we rounded the corner ourselves, Nicole and Allison grinned as they waved.

“Davy’s mom has the flu so they had to cancel my babysitting job.”

“And I promised we’d stop by,” Nicole added.

Tracey handed off one of the bowls to Allison as she passed. “Come on, you. The movie’s about to start!”

Nicole cracked a smile as she walked beside me into the living room, where girls sat, laid, or sprawled out across every piece of furniture and a few floor rugs. Jennifer, who had been lying on her stomach by the sofa, sat up and scooted over to make room for us.

“Nikki, you made it! It’s too bad you missed the freestyling earlier.”

“Oh gawd,” Nicole laughed. “You humiliated everyone else again didn’t you?”

“Nah, I kept it low key. Maria’s surprisingly talented though.”

Chelsea stood as she held up the remote. “Alright guys, everything’s set up.”

~oOo~

Late that evening, after Nicole dropped Allison off, she stopped by my step-dad’s at my request. If Moira was going to face her fears, it was time that I faced mine as well. I had never really noticed the glider swing hanging on Ash’s open front porch, but tonight it felt so inviting that I had spent the better part of fifteen minutes just rocking back and forth as I waited for the familiar Mustang to pull into the drive.

“Hey cutie,” Nicole called as she approached and immediately settled in beside me. I gave a contented sigh as she seemed to carefully place her arms around me. “So what’s up?”

“I talked to Moira this morning. She told me everything.”

“Really?” Nicole answered, a little surprised. “That’s good though. It means she trusts you.”

“Yeah. We talked about trust a lot, and … Well, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“C’mon, stop dancing around it and just tell me what it is already,” she insisted with a playful, reassuring smile.

“It’s about Katelyn, sort of. I mean, you know nothing happened between us. I’m not attracted to her or anything, but it was the first time anyone’s ever really given me cause to question my feelings for you, even a little bit.”

“You don’t think I’ve questioned my feelings for you?” Nicole answered softly.

“You have?” I tried to hide the surprise in my voice. She nodded and squeezed my hand as our eyes met.

“Mom says it’s perfectly normal, even healthy. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason I don’t like guys is because of … you know,” she trailed off briefly. “But I’ve slowly begun to realize that I can’t live my life by what-ifs. I have to follow my heart.”

“So what does your heart say?”

She laughed, leaning closer to kiss me. “That I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you, and it’s grown stronger every day we’re together. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else.”

“I feel the same way,” I answered. Nicole smiled brightly as she pulled me closer and kissed me again.

“Everyone says we’re too young to have feelings like that, and maybe we are, but like I said, I can’t live by what-ifs. I have to follow my heart. It’s not like we’re going to run away together or anything, not that I could anyway being Bob Morgan’s daughter,” she joked with a giggle. “But I’m willing to wait until we’re old enough to stop hearing that we’re too young.”

“Me too,” I whispered softly and kissed her cheek. “I’ve had times when I was afraid that the only reason we were together was because you’ve become a kind of comfort zone for me. I can’t really say I dated Andrea, so in a way you’re my first real girlfriend, but it’s like you said. I can’t live by what-ifs. My heart says this is right, that you’re the one I want to be with. I love you Nikki. That’s all there is to it.”

As if on cue, the front door creaked open and Ash stepped out. He smiled warmly down at us. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, great,” I answered. “Hey Ash, how old were you when you first fell in love?”

Ash laughed cheerfully. “I was about your age, actually. We were just too young and too different though so it didn’t last. But don’t try to measure what you girls have by what others experience. Love is different for everyone. You have to just trust your heart and muddle through the best you can.” He paused to step closer, knelt in front of us, and took our hands, placing them together.

“For what it’s worth though, when I look at you two, I see a lot of myself and Linda. I never believed in love at first sight until we met. I thought I’d never find ‘the one’, and resigned myself to bachelor life, and then one very special young woman came into my life, and turned everything upside-down.” He grinned as he stood again. He bent down to kiss my forehead, and then Nicole’s.

“Good night, girls. Don’t stay up too late.”

“I have to get home soon anyway,” Nicole answered as she turned back to me. She smiled and leaned closer for one last kiss. “G’night cutie.”

“Sweet dreams, vampire,” I concluded our little ritual, squeezing her hand as she stood to leave. I stood and watched, bathed in the glow of the overhead porch light, until her tail lights had completely disappeared from sight before turning to head inside.