~* Katelyn Sings the Blues *~ “Ally, what is it?” “It’s probably nothing,” she began, shifting her gaze. “Look, Robin, you know I love you right?” “Yeah,” I answered hesitantly. “And you know I love Nikki too. You guys are my best friends. You know I’d never do or say anything to hurt you, right?” “Ally, I trust you completely.” “It … it sounds like Katelyn’s crushing on you.”

Hi Sarah,

I was beginning to worry about you because I hadn’t heard from you in awhile. I saw on the news about your friend’s Mom being brought up on child abuse charges. Can’t believe he’s TG too, but I’m really happy for you that you have someone there who can relate. BELIEVE me, it makes a big difference! Please keep me updated, okay?

Oh and to answer your other question, I’m a little bit stressed out, but it’s okay. I have Kenpo this Friday after cheer practice, but Kenpo always relaxes me. What I’m stressed about is cheer. I haven’t had the years of experience some of these girls have. They keep telling me I’m a natural, but that’s not true. I’m only able to keep up with them because I work my butt off to learn the routines. I practice an hour a night before I go to bed except on official team practice nights.

Next year will be easier though. I’ll have cheer camp behind me so I’ll be more experienced. I’m so scared I’m going to make us lose at nationals. Coach says it’s not about winning or losing, but she’s obligated to say that. I messed up my Liberty during our regional competition, but I got an award for being a good sport and being nice to our fellow cheerleaders, even though some of them were pretty rude about my dating a girl. They came around after getting chewed out by their own squadmates! ;-)

Thank you for listening, Sarah. You’re a great friend and a great person, and I just know everything’s going to work out for both you and Max in the end. If you weren’t like, a thousand miles away I’d invite you guys to come to D.C. for our cheer competition. Maybe next year, though. I hear there’s another competition in February, and I’ll def be on the cheer squad again.

Take care of yourself, and write again when you can,
~Spirit

I breathed a relaxed sigh, closing my laptop as I stared out the open curtains at the early morning light. The days were getting longer already, and it wouldn’t be long now until the big competition. I still needed to talk to Nicole about whether or not we’d actually go to the prom, or just stay home and watch a movie.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice Allison come inside until my small desk mirror caught her reflection. She giggled quietly as she leaned down to hug me.

“Jeeze, you’re not even dressed yet! Is everything okay?”

I smiled as I reached back to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Yeah, great. I finally got a reply from Sarah. I guess I just got caught up in writing her back. Turns out one of her friends is the sibling of the guy that attacked her.”

“Whoa. Soap opera alert, huh?”

I couldn’t help laughing as I stood and disappeared into my closet for a moment. “Yeah, really. It gets better though. This girl, Maxine? Not only is she transgendered, she wants to take Sarah out on a date once all the dust settles.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Allison answered. “So things are finally looking up for her. Kelly’ll be glad to hear that. She says LeAnn’s doing better, too. What about Katelyn?”

I exhaled softly, setting the top I had been inspecting back on the clothes rack. “Something’s going on with her. She hardly said two words to me during our weekly piano lesson last Saturday, and at school yesterday I thought I caught her staring.”

“Uh oh,” Allison answered quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she shot back. I emerged from the closet, tossing my clothes on the bed as I approached her.

“Ally, what is it?”

“It’s probably nothing,” she began, shifting her gaze. “Look, Robin, you know I love you right?”

“Yeah,” I answered hesitantly.

“And you know I love Nikki too. You guys are my best friends. You know I’d never do or say anything to hurt you, right?”

“Ally, I trust you completely.”

“It … it sounds like Katelyn’s crushing on you.”

“What?!” I could feel the blood drain from my face. I had to sit down, and fortunately I had the corner of my bed handy. Allison moved to sit beside me, wrapping an arm around me.

“I can’t really blame her. I’d probably have a crush on you too if I liked girls,” she teased, but pulled me into a hug.

“But why me?”

“I dunno. You’re sweet, friendly, pretty, compassionate, outgoing, energetic, upbeat-”

“Okay okay, I get it,” I responded with a helpless laugh, resting my head on Allison’s shoulder. “I love Nikki, though. I like Katelyn. She’s become such a great friend, and I don’t want to lose that.”

“I know, this is like, super-awkward. It’s possible that I’m totally wrong here though. Maybe there’s just something she wants to talk to you about, but she’s afraid to? Maybe she just wants to know if you know anyone who’s available?”

“Mmm… Maybe. I guess we shouldn’t jump to conclusions until we know for sure right?”

“Yeah, that’s true. Anyway I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready to go.”

“Hey, Ally?” I called after her just as she stood. She paused to glance back at me. I smiled. “Thanks.”

“Sure,” she giggled in response. “Whatever happens you know we’ve got your back. But I’d hold off on telling Nikki until we know for sure what’s going on. Don’t want her to punch Katelyn’s lights out if she doesn’t deserve it, y’know?”

Unfortunately, Katelyn wasn’t at school Tuesday. Naturally I assumed it was something to do with what Allison and I talked about, though I learned from Mrs. Ellis that she apparently had come down with a stomach virus, giving me a reprieve from confronting her for a few days — or so I thought. Since I had been so kind to ask about my teammate, Mrs. Ellis asked me if I could take Katelyn a copy of the class notes. I couldn’t very well say no to my favorite teacher could I?

I decided to check with the office and ask if there was some way I could get Katelyn’s missed stuff from her other classes as well. I had a regular gym class this evening, but I’d at least have time to drive over there first.

I’d never been to Katelyn’s house so I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. I had some prejudices based on what I knew about her, but I hardly expected to find a house as large as my step-dad’s or Victoria’s. For someone who had to teach music lessons to pay for voice lessons, Katelyn’s family seemed to be doing pretty well for themselves.

A balding man in his forties, dressed in a business suit answered the door. He looked like he’d only just gotten in himself judging by the misaligned blue-and-teal tie.

“Can I help you?” he asked, a little exasperated.

“Um, hi, I’m Robin. Is Katelyn available?”

“She’s upstairs, or in the bathroom-” he started, but abruptly stopped to stare more intently at me. “Did you say your name was Robin? Robin Smith?”

“Err, yes sir. I brought Katelyn’s homework and the notes for Mrs. Ellis’ test this week.”

He smiled as he stepped back. “Come on in. Katelyn’s told me so much about you.”

“She has?” I asked, surprised, as I stepped inside.

“Oh yes. You’re all she could talk about during basketball season, well you and Chelsea. It’s so nice to see she’s finally making friends.”

I had to bite my tongue. I tried to smile politely though. “She’s really sweet. I’m so glad we could come to an arrangement to help her with her singing lessons.”

“I’m just glad to see her showing some initiative for a change. She never had much passion for the piano — not like her mother, but when she came to me and asked if she could teach piano to pay for voice lessons I knew she was serious.”

“Daddy, who is it?” Katelyn’s voice called from upstairs. “Oh, Robin!” she squeaked a moment later.

“Go on up and see her. She’s been pretty sick all day, but the doctor says she’ll be fine by Thursday.”

“Thanks,” I answered simply, and turned to head upstairs.

“Second door on the left,” he called after me.

“Katelyn?” I asked as I knocked lightly.

“Go away,” Katelyn groaned. “I don’t want anyone to see me like this.” I opened the door anyway. Katelyn lay in bed, dressed in a pair of white silk pajamas. She rolled over on her side facing away from me. “You don’t listen very well do you?”

“Mrs. Ellis was worried about you. She asked me to bring you a copy of her notes for the upcoming test, and I figured since I was already running the errand, I’d pick up the assignments from your other classes, too. I’ll just leave them on your desk.”

I set the small stack of papers next to Katelyn’s plain black laptop, but as I turned to leave, she called after me.

“Wait.” When I glanced back, I found she had sat up in bed. She motioned for me to step closer. “Don’t worry, I’m not contagious,” she joked dryly, continuing after I sat down on the edge of her bed facing her. “I guess you know I’ve been acting kinda weird since last Wednesday. There’s… there’s something I have to ask you.”

I nodded softly. “I think I know where this is going, but I don’t want to make a fool of myself jumping to the wrong conclusion either. What’s on your mind?”

“I know you and Nikki are like, super-close. I don’t want to get in the way of what you have, but I want you to know that I’ve kind of had a crush on you for awhile now.” I could feel my cheeks burn. She giggled to herself. “I sort of owe you an apology… Several apologies actually.”

“I’m not sure I understand. I’ve already told you it’s okay, that I forgave you if you’re talking about what happened before.”

“No, it’s not that… It’s not JUST that. The thing is I … I guess I lashed out at you because I hated that I couldn’t be with you. I couldn’t ‘have’ you, but at the same time, I was so happy to see you happy. Y’know that night at the HD concert, when Nikki was missing, it freaked me out because you were just acting so casual about it. I knew something was up but I didn’t know what it was. I was scared for her, for you…”

Katelyn brought her hands up to hide her face, and I couldn’t help myself. I leaned closer to pull her into a hug, and she broke down, crying into my shoulder.

“It’s been so hard, burying this, trying to pretend there’s nothing going on because I know there’s no way ‘we’ can ever happen as long as you’re dating her. I respect that. I really do, but it doesn’t change how I feel either. When I kissed Maria, even though it was an accident, it still brought everything to the surface. Robin I am so, so sorry about everything.”

“Shh, it’s okay,” I cooed as I held her. I didn’t know what else I could do or say, so I just let her cry.

After a few minutes of awkward silence she finally smiled, and leaned up to kiss my cheek. “Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me, just, you know, finally being able to talk about this. I’ve been wrestling with whether or not I actually have feelings for you, or if it’s what you represent. You’re openly les, and nobody gives a damn. I just don’t know if I could be openly bi.”

“Sure you can, but there are going to be repercussions.”

“Like what?” she asked nervously. I giggled.

“Like guys asking if they can watch.”

“Ew!” she balked, giggling. ‘You’re... not serious are you? Wait, don’t answer that.”

“So does Maria know?”

“Not yet. No one does. But I’m going to talk to her about it tomorrow. She’s like my best friend, and I did put her in the middle of my fight with Chelsea and you, so I owe her that much. For what it’s worth I … I feel a lot better about everything now, just knowing that you know now, not having that constant pressure of guilt anymore.”

She paused, turning a shade of pale as she stared over my shoulder at the door. I glanced back to find a taller woman in her late thirties, possibly early forties, with bobbed black hair, dressed in a business suit and skirt, leaning in the doorway. She looked like she was about to cry, but smiled at being ‘noticed’.

“Momma, I-” Katelyn stammered. The woman stepped closer as I stood. She paused to place a hand on my shoulder and smile then turned to sit where I had been. She bent closer to wrap her daughter in a tight hug.

“Honey it’s okay. I heard everything, and it’s okay.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No sweetheart. I went through a phase like this when I was your age. I still remember the look on your grandpa’s face when I brought home my first girlfriend.” She paused to chuckle to herself. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Katelyn, I’ve got to get back to school for gym practice. I’ll let Coach Greer know you’re feeling a little better.”

“Thanks Robin,” she answered with a smile. “For everything. Come by tomorrow after school if you have time okay? There’s still more that I need to talk to you about.”

Katelyn’s mother smiled back at me as she stood, following me out. She waited until we were downstairs before she spoke.

“I suspected something was going on for some time now. What really happened between you two?”

“The short version is, we had a huge fight earlier this year. I thought it was over a misunderstanding about me being approached to help work out a cheer routine since I had also been told we were going to be doing tryouts to replace a cheerleader we were losing, but…” I trailed off, and the woman nodded.

“Ah, now I understand.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we’re friends now — and just friends. I have a steady girlfriend. I’m glad you’re okay with all this by the way. Some parents just can’t handle the idea that their kid might be ‘different’.”

“I can’t help worrying about her because I love her, but I didn’t tell Katelyn the whole story either. When I brought home my first, and last, girlfriend, my father threatened to ‘beat the gay out of me’. Mother’s reasoning with him prevailed, but I never quite forgave him… Not until he finally apologized only a few years ago, after we almost lost him. I love her father with all my heart, and I’m very happy that I married him, but there’s a small part of me that will always wonder what might have happened.”

“At least she knows that you support her though. The worst part of all this I think was how she bottled it up for so long. Speaking from experience, self-loathing can be really devastating. Well anyway, I’d better get back to school. It was nice meeting you, um,” I paused, only now realizing I’d never gotten her name. She smiled as she extended her hand.

“Eleanor Derrick. I believe you already met my husband Carl. Please feel free to stop by whenever you feel like it.”

“Oh, thank you. I’ll stop by tomorrow to see how Katelyn’s feeling,” I answered, and after shaking her hand, turned to return to my car.

“Who are we missing?” someone asked just as I entered the room, lunch tray one hand, Nicole’s hand in the other. She had worn a beautiful black a-line corset dress with lace sleeves today, a sharp contrast to my plain cap-sleeve green top and jeans.

“Katelyn’s out sick,” I answered reflexively while Nicole and I sat down together. “I took her homework to her after school, and her doctor says she should be fine by tomorrow.”

“Should I be jealous?” Nicole teased, giggling as she popped a fresh grape into her mouth.

“Not really,” I answered. She gave me a sidelong glance, and I bit my lip. “We had a long talk last night. Please don’t be angry, but I didn’t say anything before because I needed to confirm it first.”

“What, that she has a crush on you?”

I stared blankly back at her, and she laughed. “Robin, sweetie, she wasn’t exactly subtle about it.”

“I guess not, but if you knew why didn’t you say anything before?”

Nicole shrugged, cheerfully chewing another grape. “You didn’t seem to notice or care, so I figured either way, I’d just end up looking like an untrusting psycho, and I do trust you completely.” She smiled as she leaned closer to kiss my cheek. Trent leaned closer.

“You two are so cute, y’know that?” He grinned, and Nicole reached back to playfully swat his shoulder.

“Quiet you. So when do we get to see Trina again?”

I stepped out of my car outside Katelyn’s house. I could see her clearly peeking out the upstairs window. She had on a pair of sweats today, at least as nearly as I could tell before she disappeared again. I had no sooner reached the door when it swung open, and she greeted me with a hug.

“Robin, hey! I wasn’t sure you’d actually come back after yesterday. I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay, really! Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I feel amazing. That antibiotic the doctor gave me worked great. Come inside. There’s something I want to give you.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll see,” she answered cryptically, adding, “Oh hi Mom, I didn’t hear you come in,” as she passed her on the way to the stairs. Eleanor simply chuckled to herself, continuing to the kitchen as I followed Katelyn.

Katelyn had an expensive-looking microphone set up near her computer desk, as well as a large electronic keyboard that I didn’t remember being there the day before.

“I was so bored today, so I finally started working on something I’ve wanted to do for awhile now.” She turned to retrieve a pink CD jewel case from her desk. The custom label simply read ‘Play-along CD’. She extended it to me. “This has a piano track on the left channel, vocals on the right, for every song we’ve been working on so far plus some classical basic stuff. I don’t know how much help it’ll be, but like I said, I had a lot of time on my hands today.”

“Aww, Katelyn, thank you!” I answered as I hugged her. She smiled happily.

“No problem. Hey, listen, about what we talked about yesterday… I just want you to know that I’m not going to go all crazy stalker on you or anything. I really do like you as a friend, and now that everything’s out in the open I feel like I can deal with the rest of it better. So… friends?”

“Friends,” I immediately answered. “And don’t worry, I know you’ll find someone. You’ve kind of got the advantage in liking both guys and girls, y’know.”

She giggled. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. It’s not that I’m not picky, like I’ll just date anyone or whatever, it’s just there are things about both guys and girls that I like.” She paused, glancing back at her keyboard.

“Hey, since you’re here, do you want to jam a little before you go home? You look like you could use it.”

“Sure, why not? What’ve you got in mind?”

“Remember the blues scales we were working on? Let’s do a Blues riff in D.”