I am facing a group of issues, any one of which would put serious strain on my spoon count.

The first is my bipolar cycle, which seems to be accelerating, somehow. I've had three crippling depressions inside of two weeks, each only lasting hours. This is far faster than anything I've dealt with before, and I dont know why its happening.

The second involves my PTSD. I seem to be in a state of hyper-awareness, the total opposite of my usual disassociation. And just like the bipolar cycle, i have no clue why.

Being TG in the stories here is a lot different from my life as a trans woman. Am I a failure as a trans woman?

Disclaimer: I am not suicidal.

Years ago, right after I came out, and went through all that happens to us, I was extremely depressed, and hospitalized several times. Such pain and depressive episodes is common amongst those in our community, so I am nothing special, and do not need anyone to call the Police. It was a very fortunate thing that I served in the Military 66-69, so am seen as a Vietnam Era Veteran, so the VA has been very caring of me in most ways. I sometimes feel like an interloper because I did not see combat.

To my fans (all 3 of you);

After a couple of weeks of struggle, I'm making progress on my Sherlock Holmes story.

Stay tuned ...

Today I wanted to go swimming. This became difficult when Sharon phoned just as I was leaving asking me to take Sam to West Edmonton mall, but I told her I had made my plans for the day. At first, I felt like I was being selfish, but then I remembered someone posing about how airlines tell parents to put on their own oxygen masks first, because if you pass out, you cant help your kid anyway. So today, I put on my own mask first.

I have an interview Friday!

No point in counting chickens before they hatch, but past experience with interviews has been good for me so I have high hopes for this one. If things go well I may be employed again before the month is out, and in a job that (hopefully) will be easier on me than my last one, if admittedly still a stressful one. Still, it's a desk job, with part of my interview being a typing test which, hopefully, I can pass with flying colors :P

If I can land this job I already have a plan in place.

I'd known it was coming for a while. At least two years, in fact, ever since we had to do the graft after the last failure, but it was still a terrible moment when it happened.

That's right, folks: the PSU in my desktop finally died.

okay so dream time again:

I dreamed I was the star of an animated TV show where I played a Lego version of myself.

In the dream my Lego self got into a hockey game with Lego versions of Disney villains and ended up getting slightly singed, to the laughter of my Lego friends and people saying "That's Dotty all over" as the credits ran.

So I paid off my outstanding bill with NYSEQ, my electric company. Thanks to everyone who helped me with that. You're AMAZING people. Sadly the company decided they WANTED more. I was on a Budget Billing plan and because I fell behind in my payments, they told me today---AFTER I paid ALL that money to keep my power from being shut off---that the plan was now cancelled and I owe them another $1000 to keep them from shutting it off again.

March 22nd would have been my mother's 102nd birthday.

It's hard to believe it's been nineteen years since she passed.

She was a pistol. Very intimidating.

Years ago, it was quite fashionable to suggest that effeminate men were the product of women like my mother.

I don't consider myself effeminate but I DO consider myself quite feminine.

I wonder what the rest of you think about the theories regarding a mother's influence.

Hey folks, for all the years I’ve been reading and loving stories on this site, I never looked into the subtleties of the site. I never noticed the blog function before!

Since I started trying to write for the first time, I thought I’d start a blog as well as an experiment. I can’t promise I will post a lot (I’ve never been good with things like diaries) but I think I’ll give it a try.

I’d like to invite others to ask questions and offer helpful criticisms about the first (hopefully) of my stories and ultimately about me if you want.

I went shopping with Sam and Sharon today, and while in a store Sharon was approached by someone who asked her if she knew the strange individual who was following her daughter, and Sharon said "That's Sam's dad."

So she went and told me, and then I shared it with the cashier as we were checking out, and Sharon said, "He cross-dresses but he is a good guy anyway."

So ... that happened today.

Make of it what you will.

been dealing with pain in my leg plus PTSD plus bipolar loop-de-loops most of the weekend and today. I'm hanging in there, but I could use a break ...

needless to say, this has delayed my writing, so sorry for that.

Today, I took a very big step. I opened my front door and stepped outside dressed as myself.

I have bought the clothes. I grew my hair out. I have even ordered some breasts. So, why am I so scared to wear the things. The desire is there. I will wear pajamas with no difficulty. I have even started wearing leggins and a pink t-shirt around the house. I am scared to put on other stuff. Something always stops me.

I have thought about going to a trans support group all dressed up, but backed out at last minute. I want to go to one of my therapy sessions dressed as myself, but never do.

Set a story to complete? I posted a flash to the No Prize contest today and want to set it as a solo. I certainly don't intend to write more on the story. ...

Dia duit y'all,

So I believe I have entered some weird alternate reality where Rod Serling will suddenly start speaking in the background.

I'll give you a short history of the particular situation. My guardian so I have just been told has been sick a while and currently placed into a home by her daughters. All news to me, I recently got an email telling me I should visit her.

I don't really talk to her as I have been living up in DC working as a contractor for some time. I love Virginia and it paid well and I was many states away from 'those people'.

I wanted to share the story of my name change.

It all began not long after I began my transition, and discovered that if I wanted surgery, I would have to change my name. Which would have been difficult, because I was deep in debt, and didnt have the money it would take.

That changed when Walmart outsourced my department, and paid me out, giving me a about four thousand dollars.

With the money issue solved, I sent away to New Brunswick for a copy of my birth certificate, which I would need to start the ball rolling.

I'm having trouble accessing some websites. For example, I'm able to access this site but the Whately Academy site is timing out. Also SOL (stories on line) storiesonline.net is timing out. There are some other sites, like gamesgames and agame that are timing out. So, can anyone give me a clue as to why some sites are timing out and others (like this one) are not?

Well, I FINALLY got my modified birth certificate.
still says Male
but at least the name is right

I was looking at my account info the other day, and realized that in about 3 months, I will be celebrating my 10th anniversary of being a member here.

And so I've been thinking about how I might knowledge this milestone with a story.

Right now, I'm not sure what I might do. I've got one small piece almost finished that might help me avoid not having anything to share for the next three months, but beyond that ...

I could do something like Randalynn's "Convergence: when stories collide", but I'm not sure what stories would make the cut.