Since I finished my pathfinder story, I've rally been missing Tiffany, aka crazypagangurl, who was a big help in the making of the tale.

Rest in peace, my friend.

I'm sick. Tuesday I discovered a rash under my left arm. At the time, I was suffering from a muscle pull in the same region and felt more pain from that.

Thursday, it became obvious the rash was shingles. I've got meds now and the pain meds make me sleepy and at least two other dwarves.

Meanwhile, Piper and Amy are also sick. I think theirs are colds. Jamie is sick, too.

Forgive us if we are a little slow on updating this week.

Hugs (carefully),
Erin and the gang

I will try to make this brief. I am a 64yo (65 in July) mtf pre-op ts since 1990.

From an early age I remember being fascinated with my mother's clothing. But I had other things that may have influenced that.

For one, my mother was given DES to prevent miscarriages. So there is a chance my chromosomes were messed with.

Mom and Dad argued all the time, usually about his drinking and driving and me. Their divorce was final before my brother was born, four months before my fifth birthday. I was jealous.

Life is so fragile, and so brief.

In late November Tiffany (aka crazypagangurl) passed away suddenly. Then, about a week ago, I got a phone call from a friend saying her wife had barely survived a health scare, and she was shaken to the core. Then one of my cousins tripped and fell and broke her shoulder, and was told a few inches difference she might have broken her neck instead. Now, Drea's wife has been taken from her.

What I'm saying is, tell the people you love that you love them. You never know when it will be the last time you speak to somebody.

First, let me state that I am more than slightly disappointed by the response to my previous blog. I posted here in the hopes of possibly finding someone who might be interested in sharing a home - someone who could perhaps benefit from my situation by the fact that I truly don’t need them to contribute financially and they would be able to share a nice home without it becoming a major financial burden. My take away from this would be that it would help to prevent me from falling into the trap of enforced solitude that I have known before. Nothing more, nothing less.

To any of you from the northern part of the US and wherever else this cold front hits. Stay warm! It’s supposed to drop to record lows in some places so do us all a favor and stay warm!

I just felt like I had to tell this rather than just put it behind me. This last week we buried my next to oldest brother in Arlington National Cemetery. Weather put a monkey wrench in things, no horse-drawn caisson or honor guard marching along side. He did receive a 21 gun salute and there was an honor guard graveside. It was kind of eerie, the blanket of snow covering everything. The cemetery was closed to normal traffic and the snow muted what sound there was. It was a very solemn ceremony.

Not sure if the problem is on my end or not, but I've notice that the cute picture that used to accompany my comments and replies seems to have gone. help, anybody?

Read Angela's story about the big juicy Football player and the effeminate boy. Gosh, I hope they get themselves sorted.

Somehow the story hooked me into one of those teary mindsets, you know, the ones you could break out of if you wanted to. It's only about 1:30 AM here and I think I just want to wallow in my misery for a while. Yeah, just be a sloppy, weepy, pathetic old tranny that most just wish you would just shut up or die.

Ok, so not too long ago I made a post on here talking about my struggles i’ve been going through. Since then I’ve built my confidence back up and am doing a lot better. I have some very weird children, they HATE meat. But will eat more fruits and vegetables than I can. I’ve actually given up trying to get them to eat meat and have started giving them other foods to compensate for the lack of vitamins from them not eating meat. They also take vitamins twice a day to supplement their diet.

It is possibly ironic that on Christmas day I am sitting here writing a story about a gift - and a sacrifice.

Merry Christmas, everybody

Gonna be a real tough day tomorrow.

My ex has asked me to take Sam and her to a Christmas party at West Edmonton mall, no less.

So an evening surrounded by crowds, being deadnamed

Fun!

Things in my life are a mess and I feel like things just keep adding up. It seems like everything I do just makes things worse. I’m losing everyone that ever cared about me and I’m not too sure how much more I have to endure before things settle. First I lost the one person on here who would even talk to me. Then I lose my husband who decided to cheat on me. Now I’m losing my family because they think I don’t deserve them anymore. I’ve had to move into an apartment with just me and my kids. It’s just awful, my life is just falling apart on me and I just have nothing left.

My mom is having a wistful day today, as it is the anniversary of the birth of her oldest child - who tragically died two days after being born.

I have often wondered if the fact that he died, and both me and my older brother both almost died as babies plays into the fact I'm trans ...

Is anyone else here invisible? Wanna start a club? :p

- Terry

I went to a local pool today, and they have a "lazy river". It was really nice and kind of fun to let the current take me along, but there was always the security in knowing that if I wasnt happy with where I was going all I had to do was stand up. Gee, there might be something profound in that, dont you think?

wanted to give you guys an update. Now that my new computer is up and running, I am hoping to get back to writing as my spoons allow. unfortunately, as the two projects I have on the go are longer than my usual, including one I hope to make into my entry in the next contest, it will be a while before I have something to share with you all.

But I'll still be my usual comment-happy self, so no worries there ....

Sometimes I Can't Hold It In Any More

Joannebarbarella

I suppose I am what you can categorise as a frustrated transsexual. I am not a crossdresser although I dress in women's clothes as often as I can. I don't regard this as crossdressing. All I am doing is dressing in the clothes in which I should have been dressing all my life. Circumstances have prevented me from assuming my true sex throughout my life, so that I have had to masquerade as a man for more than sixty years.

PTSD attack bad hugs needed

Just a quickie - well I got my ride in, 115km (that's @ 75 old fashioned miles I think) and visited the Sandal's up near Wakefield. Had my sandwich and flask of coffee sat overlooking the Castle which, after the 'good ole boys' (aka the Parliamentarians, think Trump but with a more vindictive nature) got done with it in the 1640's is but a shadow of its former self.

my computer has died, probably from an overdose of Jaci's girly germs. So I wont be online for a bit. huggles to all.

I'm sick today, apparently the victim of a bad breakfast bar yesterday. This feels like it is going to be a 12-36 hour thing, so I expect to be okay tomorrow evening.

Today is when I meant to send out checks to the DP authors; I may be a day or so late since concentration while throwing up and running for the toilet is difficult.

So sorry. I will try again in an hour or so.

Hugs,
Erin

It is safe to say that without Big Closet. "Dorothy" would not exist. In fact its debatable whether I would even be alive now had I not found this site. Which is why the constant struggles to keep the site financially afloat has me worried, and more than a little frustrated.

See, I am on disability, and once I take care of my rent, car, and food, I might have maybe 20 bucks a month left over, and that's on a good month. Not to mention my mom is covering for me in terms of giving money to my ex and my daughter and that's far from fair.

Just wanted to send a public thank you to crazypagangurl; aka Tiffani, who listened to me blubber for about an hour last night.

hugs, and thank you!