Guess what time it is?

Its dream sharing time!

Well, my latest was very different. In the dream, I was invited to a church event at someone's house, and going there, I found no one I recognized. I stayed for a while, but I felt so out of place among strangers that I eventually left and started walking around the city to clear my head.

What made it really interesting to me was my reaction to this circumstance. I didn't cry, feel sorry for myself, or anything of the kind. I passed it off as some kind of mistake, and basically let it go.

Okay, I'm starting to feel frustratingly stuck in terms of my transition. For some reason, I cant get over the hump and take care of my legal name, or wear makeup in public, or lose enough weight to get surgery.

Its like somewhere in my brain something is saying "Look, you've been lucky so far, why push it? Its safe where you are, and you could get hurt if you go further."

I guess I'm just a big scardy-cat.

I was gonna talk about funerals and other fun topics, but I'm concerned about my emotional state. I am starting to worry my anti-depressant isnt working very well any more, as I am getting very fragile for no reason I can think of.

Ah, well.

As one cell door opens, another slams shut - Part 2 - No turning back

An accurate & recent account of my incarceration in an American Prison

Part 2 - No turning back

As one cell door opens, another slams shut - Part 1 - Release

An accurate & recent account of my incarceration in an American Prison

If you ever wonder who might have it in for you consider, rather than people, the weather! It does give a different sense of perspective and if you are interested I will be in the South Pacific and out of touch for a while.

I really wonder what's going on with me lately.

For at least a week, I was dealing with grief and depression periodically, and then I had the worst PTSD attack I've had in quite some time.

I feel a little better now, and would like to thank all those who sent me messages of support.

Huggles to everybody

I had an interesting experiance last night. I went over to my cousin Terry's place, and I got to hold her granddaughter, who is not two yet.

And I had this wonderful feeling of peace come over me when I held her.

Tension I didn't even know I was carrying dropped off me.

Anybody else get this kind of reaction?

This is my first post and may also be my only one. I am not a writer though I have been known to write an occasional poem or two when inspiration has struck me, and I am a member of a formal creative writing group organised at my local "Mind" ( UK Mental health organisation/charity) center.
I am a reader, one of the eternal Watchers, reading every day that I am physically able to. Some of you may have noticed my sign in I'D here on occasion or a rare comment or like here or there on FB posts so I thought I might post a bit about myself here.

Dorothy Colleen and I were having a civilized discussion about Gun control over two posts I had made on my fb page. At the end we both kissed and hugged. In the end I told her that I blamed her (and Tels) for my girly germs. I mentioned that I might blog about it here then she DARED me to do so. I mean, who dares someone who is going through puberty? :) Of course I am going to accept the dare and have now done so :)

So THERE Dot (sticks tongue out) :) GIRLY GIRL :)

When discussing things "around the water cooler" here at BigCloset/Janglewood (read as inside a skype chat window), we often have troubles picking one "definition" for what various terms mean. We often share the same "flow" with slight differences, but we know there are many different feelings in the community.

Some people often feel that Transgender and Transsexual are the same thing, but others include Transgender to be an umbrella term for everyone including Gender Queer, Non-Binary, Transsexual, Transvestite, etc.

On the one hand (and the more important one at that,) it's GREAT to have a job again, and I'm making more per hour than I've ever made before, with semi-stable hours to boot.

On the other....

I'm completely, utterly thrashed at the moment. As mentally ready as I was to get back to work, my body is definitely feeling it, especially after two six-day-in-a-row sessions virtually back to back. I'm sore, and I'm exhausted to the point that writing has been the last thing on my mind: heck, some days I've barely gotten out of my bed until time to go to work.

I am not sure, but I think I may be losing my mind.

now before you get yourselves upset by that statement, let me explain, as best I can.

See, for the last couple of months, every once in a while I have had a sensation that either means I'm becoming delusional because I read too many comic books, or a sign that something very weird is happening to me.

A letter to a supervisor in the pharmacy at Walmart. I have to write a similar one about a Gulf gas station employee soon.

Dear Sir,

I had an unfortunate encounter with a pharmacist named *snip* at 5:15PM, Sunday, 5/31/2015. I left very distressed and upset.

I am a transgendered person. 31% of untreated transgender people successfully commit suicide before seeking help, and of those who try to address the issue 42% will attempt suicide at a later date. We are a very vulnerable population.

Thanks to my dear sister of the heart, Cathy most everyone knows I had open heart surgery last week. To make a long story short, I recognized the symtoms and got help. Everything went well, and now I'm recovering. To make that easier I now have a new recliner and bed. Unfortunately, the old stuff went into my office where I can't reach anything except for my old laptop. Even that is too heavy for me to move given my post surgery restrictions.

So I'm not going to online much until we can solve this particular problem.

I was trawling through my hard drive this evening (yes… I know… utterly boring… until I reread what I had written).

Just over four years ago I started my journey to acceptance and transition. Rereading what I wrote then made me think… it might be useful to someone on the path. So here it is.

An Epiphany on the Journey – 13th October 2011

Two pieces of good news from Canada!

First, Parlament passes a bill to protect trans people:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/commons-approves-transgender-r...

Second, the Canadian Football league now has its first openly gay player:

http://www.theprovince.com/sports/Michael+first+openly+draft...

So, I was listening to a podcast from the new NPR series, "Invisibilia" and on one episode they describe a condition which causes a the sufferer to mentally switch genders at whim. They even interview a Trans person who initially suffers from it and they are repulsed by the body in the mirror after a shower to the point of nausea, because it did not match who they are mentally at that time.

They actually start to transition to make themselves more androgynous, only to find their switch stops flipping and they seem 'Locked' into their new gender and finish the transition.

Crazy times have been had the last few weeks, but I am now employed again!

I'm back at Wal Mart, though this time in Mountain View rather than Heber Springs. The upshot is that it's less than 5 minutes' drive or 15 or so walking away from my aunt's, where I'm now staying, so gas costs are no longer an issue at all. I'll also be making more an hour than I ever have before, AND working a relatively stable schedule since I'm an "IMS Associate," from 10 PM to 7 AM.

So, yayness! Money! Progress! WOOO!

Melanie E.

Sweet flying spaghetti monster, I thought I'd never have to deal with this again. Especially not from one of our own.

As I was making my way home from my monthly transgender support group meeting, I ended up behind someone obviously transgender herself--someone vaguely familiar.

It turns out she lives in the same apartment complex I do. After years of being the only transgender tenant, apparently I have company.

I finally did it. I acquired pure capsaicin crystals. And I then tried them. Not straight mind you. You can actually put all the pure capsaicin crystals you want in your mouth. They're not water soluble and require a fat or oil to dissolve so saliva won't work. The stuff came with a tiny bottle of glycerine which I did mix them into and try.

Not as hot as I thought it would be. The previous highest scoville unit thing I had was this 4.4 million sauce. The 16 mil is hotter, but it doesn't seem by much.

As those of you who engage in the Great Waste Of Time known as Facebook may already be aware, today marks my completion of another lap around the sun - not that I feel any different to yesterday or appreciably older. Just an ordinary day at work attempting to make sense of a pile of social care data, hoping to massage it into shape by the end of the week ready for the annual government return.

I just got a phone call from my church. They would like to use my "Dear God" poem in a newspaper they hand out around downtown Edmonton, or possibly something original, if I can do it in the next couple of days.

Needless to say, I'm honored ...

So I recently got the chance to meet Maria Bellow during the book tour for her new book "WHATEVER... Love is Love" and thought I'd share my experience. I just recently posted it to my rarely-updated WordPress blog.

-Piper