Early AM on Friday, 28 August 2015, I will have surgery for a mass in my abdomen. As of now the doctors don't know what it is.

shalimar

I haven't been doing any writing, I admit. However, I think I might have the best possible excuse.

Last week, I decided to do the one thing I'd been putting off forever--no, not removing the colony of unidentifiable life forms from my refrigerator, though I need to do that too. In short, I've taken advantage of a special program for low-income people and joined the "Y".

Why the "Y"? (Hee hee). Allow me to elucidate.

A lot of niggling little health issues have kept me away for about 19 months, but, I’ve dodged the major problems that often come with age: Heart, cancer, stroke, and diabetes have so far passed me by… So far.

What I’ve discovered is; Getting older ain't for wimps.
In Feb of 2014 I had all my lower teeth extracted after 4 abscesses that had caused constant sinus infections for 2 years. The dentist: “Gee, I never noticed that before but I don’t think teeth would cause that…” In the last 19months I only had 1 sinus infection.

I just wanted to say "thank you" to all the crazies on the Big Closet chat site who managed to brighten my day by teasing me about how much a "girly-girl" I am until I was laughing so hard I actually felt better.

Thanks, guys.

Well, I've finally found another excuse beside being lazy not to write. My Apple Mac finally gave up and said I've had enough. Poor thing is about six years old and is so slow it takes ten to fifteen minutes to load a site. It's the 21 inch model and I don't need the larger 27 inch version as it won't fit on my desk, well it could but the size doesn't justify spending an extra $700. The one I'm going to buy is bad enough. Not only do I write my stories on it, but I use it for my business as does my wife for hers also.

For personal real life issues, like not being allowed access to my grandchildren, I cannot live full-time as a woman. However, I find relief in going for regular make-overs to a very professional lady on the Gold Coast of Queensland (isn't that an ironic name?) who does a great job of transforming me into a somewhat realistic semblance of a female. I have to say that I love myself after she has performed her magic upon me, even though I can only maintain the illusion for a relatively short time.

As I believe in (among other things) total honesty, I have to say, I love recognition.

No, that's not quite accurate. "Crave it like a drug" would be closer to the truth.

Even so, I find myself at a loss when I'm recognized for all the wrong reasons.

This past Tuesday, I and the fellow residents of the apartment complex in which I live took part in an annual trip that's become sort of our farewell to summer. (As summers in Wisconsin have a kind of "blink and you'll miss it" quality, we get our goodbyes in early).

So, if I have misused the term "Chelsea Tractor" in this blog I am sure that one of the UK citizens will be more than happy to correct me after a sound flogging.

So, I was on my way to Ilwaco, Washington to pilot my brother's boat whilst he caught Salmon, gutted them and packed them away. Perhaps he has finally understood.

So, today I am having a 3 hour, total spine, with contrast MRI. "With contrast", means they will inject material into my spinal fluid. I am having increasing difficulty with coordination and things.

I have obligations to some of you, and I am sorry that I can not meet them right now.

Sorry

Gwen

Got "Ma'am"ed yesterday while out shopping.
And I in no way pass. I wasn't even trying to as such.

I just kind of wear mixed relatively gender neutral clothing.
Although this day happened to be a pink day.

I am seriously considering going to the hospital to get my hip checked out.

It used to just hurt near the end of my shift at work, but I woke this morning in terrible pain and I didn't even work last night.

Had another tough day yesterday. Didn't sleep well, and then my aunt phoned me and yelled at me, saying I was the reason my mom was gonna be homeless, that she's bankrupt because of helping me and my ex, and so on.

Sighs ...

As you are all aware I have been snotty and snippy about discussing transgender issues in public, feeling that it is private full stop.

It feels like that in recent weeks I have been dragged kicking and screaming into very reluctant activism that feels frightening to me. Some of you will remember my recent blog on two Bible scriptures, and now somehow that is now plastered all over Facebook and elsewhere. I have opened my Facebook up to the public, and how long that will last is debateable. You are welcome to contribute.

Got some super bad news today. My landlord must sell this place, which means we'll be moving soon. Thanks to that bit of news, I also didnt get sleep today, so tonight at work is gonna suck.

Ah, well.

So after seeing the "Member for" indicator stuck on 5 years 12 months for the past few weeks, it's finally ticked over to 6 years 22 hours.

Yesterday, I went and got my oil changed, and while I was waiting a man came in with a small dog. We sat beside each other, while the dog sniffed around and accepted pets from the people who were sitting and waiting. But if someone was standing up, and tried to pet the dog, he'd back up, unsure of the situation.

Anyway, after I had paid for the service and was about to leave, the man and the dog were approaching the till, and the dog, without any hestiation, went up to me and licked my leg (I was in a skirt).

The man said, "He likes you. He can tell you're a good person."

This is not a drill!

A large group of huggles has escaped to the internet, and may end up in a inbox near you!

Experts suggest letting them huggle so they dont get discouraged. Nobody wants to see a sad huggle ...

Sometimes, prayers are answered in ways you dont expect them to be.

I was having a tough day, unable to sleep, pouring my heart out to God, and I ended my prayer by saying I really could use a hug from God, just to know I was still loved.

Well, not long after I finished praying, my little bundle of fur decided to jump up into my bed, worm her way under my covers, and snuggle next to me.

I giggled, and said to God, "I was hoping for a God-sized hug, not a dog-sized hug, but I'll take it, and thanks."

So, in exploring the implications of the recent Transgender Activism here in Portland, Oregon, I met some very nice people. Somewhere I heard something about the high incidence of Transgender among Aspergers folk and I am trying to explore whether that assertion has any veracity at all.

One of the things I do to make up for a relatively low IQ is that I read and research intensely, thus giving the illusion of intelligence, or as my shrink said, "It's how you use what you have".

Life seems to be overwhelming me at the moment. I seem to be perpetually tired so I'm not writing as much as usual and when I do, I have problems posting because my broadband connection is very intermittent. I've tried contacting my ISP but they either don't get the emails or ignore them.

On Tuesday, it will be the 29th anniversary of my transitioning - well going to work in skirts, then the following one is the first anniversary of my son's suicide. His timing was impeccable.

I am not one of those people who thinks that "big boys/girls dont cry".

In fact, I think there some times when crying is exactly what you should be doing, and that crying can be good for you.

That said, I prefer to have a reason to cry, so what happened on my way to work last night was frustrating.

Out of the blue, for no reason I could figure, I was suddenly enveloped by grief, and it was all I could do to keep my car on the road until the feeling passed.

Ah, well.

On this day in history ...

Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act

the first Zeppelin flew

And ...

I was born!

Those in Salt Lake City are under a lot of heat right now.

Someone from "Mormon Newsroom" openly admitted that the church has not treated trans and intersex folk well, and I intend to keep the heat on. I'm not vitally interested in how they handle gays and lesbians because they threw us under the bus a few years ago.

In another decade there will be a changing of the guard, and I see T and I folk getting full rights. There are just lots of parents and partners keeping their heads down but in private they are dissatisfied.