Well, I have gotten a setback in terms of getting SRS.

I was supposed to go to Arizona for a consult in January, but as I have not gotten notice that my plane ride will be covered by the Alberta government, I cant go.

I knew this was coming, its not a shock, really. And I've been trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter. It's not what's between my legs that makes me a woman.

Turns out I didn't believe me.

i sobbed on the phone with Jaci and another friend for five to ten minutes over this disappointment.

Well maybe it's because I'm not sleeping right (as in regulary and enough houres). But I got my eyes tearing up almost constantly at the moment. Crying at one moment, wishing for things an being jealous at another and laughing at reference and music at again another.

Well, not really new for this time of the year but it's a bit extreem this winter.

So this was my Christmas day.

Worked until 7 AM, came home, slept, woke up to discover my mother was sick and I was getting sick, so the two of us spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch together watching Dr. Who.

I've had worse Christmases ...

Just wanted to send Christmas huggles to everybody here

HUGGLES!!

Well I have just had pre op assessment. So it will not be long now before I have surgery on my left shoulder. I have been told it will be done with keyhole surgery. Screws are to be attached to my shoulder and then the ligament fastened to them. I am also to have some bone trimmed away at the same time. All this to be done under a shoulder block rather than a general anaesthetic.

I hope this will help some of you work things out.

Earlier I read an article that dealt with the idea of there being another "self" inside us. The author wrote about the fact that some twins are so close that they are almost linked at the hip and so on.

I think the article was on BBC/co/uk, but did I save the link? NO. Sorry.

Well, I was on my way to the local cycling shop to meet up with my group, supposed to be my first night pulling the pack, or at least attempting to. I'm riding past the local elementary school and my necklace falls off. (Bear in mind the clasp is perfectly functional and not broken) so I double back and spot it in the middle of the exit for the school parking lot. I lay my bike down, pick up my necklace and walk back to my bike. I put it on tuck it under my jersey and go on my way. So I was on the main road and she was exiting the parking lot of the school.

I found a possible helper for when I struggling with bad memories - humor.

After a conversation on bulling here on Facebook, I went to work and started struggling with PTSD. Fortunately, I had help - a very funny book that made me giggle several times reading it.

So by half-way through the night, I was starting to feel better.

Anybody else have something that helps them get through PTSD moments?

I just got home from surgery on my left leg that I broke last year , this is surgery number 4 . I had screws that needed to come out before they broke as it is it was causing a lot of pain by moving in the bone causing a hole to form.
I am OK but back to using a walker for awhile at least I am not in a wheelchair .

Just wanted to give a public thank you to Erica-Jane and all the people on the BC chat who helped pull me out of my down. And to everyone who sent me a message of support when I needed it.

You guys are amazing.

Huggles to all!

So, I ran into a little bit of an issue, and I may need help resolving it, I checked the website by the way, I didn't see any sort of rules or anything forbidding this, but if I am breaking SOME kind of rule here mods, I'm sorry, I just don't know. If there's a proper way to do this, let me know please.

Ahh well, the last lung function test showed me having a 15% drop in airflow, this morning another test, yet a further 3% reduction.

I am able to exhale a maximum of 36% of every breath I inhale in 1 second. Yup, 64% of every breath gets trapped in my lungs according to the doctors. I can exhale the remaining 64%, but that takes another 20 seconds.

at 50, I should be exhaling 90% + of each breath in that first second.

I have been trying to find my marriage licence for quite some time now. This is a required document for me to file for divorce and for me to legally change my name in the State of Massachusetts. Well, today I finally found my one and only copy of my Report and Certificate of Marriage USFK Form 164, (USFK REG 600-240).

The warehouse I work out of sells excess pallets to a Hispanic gentleman. I have often helped him load. The pallets tend to get tippy as they come off the dock plate and I helped steady them. About half way through the loading process, he asked, "What's your name?" I answered, "Pat." He then asked, "Patricia?" Since it was work where I try to maintain a male persona, I corrected, "Patrick." He smiled and nodded and went back to work.

I continue to be blessed by the people who care about me.

Yesterday's example? My pastor, who took time out of a busy day to talk to me for a half hour because i was having a tough time.

I only wish everybody had a support system like mine.

So I left a skype message for one of my friends in old soggy this morning and when I looked at the screen the fowl image reflected there nearly caused me an episode of PTSD. Alas, said image was me !

To my UK friend, I promise not to get on skype again without spending suitable amount of time concealing the fact that I look like one of the ghostly Valkyrie. Good heavens, I even frightened myself. So, it's come to this has it? It's a wonder that I didn't char one of the undersea cables.

So I had that dream yesterday...
I was a relative of a deceased wealthy someone. Then I had strange things happen to my calves... But reason for this will be obvious in several lines...
Next I tried to help to investigate that death... And there was an interesting plot with murder of the vitness disguised as the death of the one of the "bad guys" at the hands of the one of the "bad guys" (who was female and my ex in that dream)...

So, I will admit that this story might be outside the scope of normal practice, but since I am still red faced and hot with embarrassment, I thought some might enjoy my temporary discomfiture.

So, last night I put a "certain movie" into my Blu Ray player and had watched it about half way when suddenly it was muted by Cinava, an anti piracy company.

Just letting everybody know that I will be dog sitting starting tomorrow till Saturday, and i might not be on much or at all.

So everybody be good and take care of yourselves while I'm gone, okay?

It was a little hard to come up with a third thing I like about me, but since I managed, I will continue my list;

I like that I believe I have made a small difference for tans people with my lecture, and with my openness online.

I think by sharing my story, my struggles, I have helped a few people understand what it means to be trans, and encouraged them to be compassionate to those who have this struggle.

It may be only a tiny ripple in the pond, but who knows where that ripple will spread to, and that's not nothing.

Okay, I'm going to be retired ( if I finally receive the paperwork ... ), so what am I going to do with the rest of my life??

As long as I have the pets, ..., well not mutch. Same with the house and the renovations.

So I go 2 track. One I find a job in the private sector that pays enough to keep the house and finish all the renovation. Then I''ll stay put overhere for probably the rest of my life.

I'm struggling with severe bilateral ulnar nerve pain, which has been getting worse lately.

Using the computer does worsen the pain in my good arm, but it can't explain all the pain in either arm. I've done a bunch of ergonomic fixes such as a vertical mouse, a lower table for a desk, etc. I'm typing with my good arm, but also using break-scheduling software. I've tried dictation, but it trips over every word from a to ergonomics, it screws up spacing, punctuation, etc. and it requires me to delete the results and type everything anyway.

Well, I made a small step forward yesterday.

I was contacted by my local mental health clinic and they did an intake over the phone.

I talked with the guy for about 45 min, and then he gave me an appointment to come in to see someone in December.

Baby steps ... baby steps ...

Well, yesterday didnt go like I thought it would.

I couldnt get my physical, because I need to get bloodwork done first. But on the other hand, I got mugged by a couple of big friendly dogs, got an apology from Sharon for her part in what went wrong in our marriage, and I got to cheer on my daughter at her job.

So, not bad.