Autobiographical

Seven years plus

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While I was distracted with other things, my 7th anniversary here passed a couple of weeks ago.

So even though its late, let me thank Erin, Piper, and all the people who keep this site going, as well as all the writers whose stories I've enjoyed, and all the readers, especially those who have left a comment on my own humble works.

Happy anniversary huggles to everybody!

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2 days into working for my new company

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Well, I had my 2nd shift working for the new cleaning company, and so far, its been a mixed experience.

First, the good - I got a semi-promotion and have been given the responsibility for training our two newcomers and acting as kind of a on site supervisor. Plus, I must be doing pretty well at this, since my store has already been singled out as one with a high rating after the first couple days.

Now the bad - despite the less physically taxing job, I haven't had a reduction in my pain levels. In fact I was close to tears a couple of times last night.

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The new place

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Progress!

I agreed the rent with the new landlord yesterday, all bar £2 is covered by the local council housing department so that just leaves utilities. I also now have a moving in date - 1st June. My daughter is going to spend a few days with my mother and I'll remain in the hotel (we'll need the room Mon/Tues next week so don't want to give it up yet!)

No word on the clothes etc, so I'm chasing that today. I'm also chasing why the UK TV licensing lot have taken my money twice (television not trans!).

Shiraz

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ouches

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The oriechtomy went well, but the spinal anesthetic wearing off is as painful as local from getting a filling in your teeth.

5:45 check-in for 7:45 surgery time. Was out before 11:30

gonna go lie down after I finish eating.

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Moving day (sort of)

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Some ten days ago it was agreed that I could collect all my remaining possessions from my former apartment on an appointed day.

That was today amd I should have guessed that a few things wouldn't go to plan. It started when no-one arrived at 0900 except myself and my uncle. I called the agency, left a message and got a call back after a few minutes - the usual agent was on his way but hadn't expected to be there today, there was a mis-communication between himself and the owner apparently. That was the first problem, as he arrived he suggested there was another issue.

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gamer to the core

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Well I'm going to gamble on something. If it doesn't work I'll lose what savings I have left but otherwise everything will change.

My life my choice ...

Now that the first step worked between this and next year so if nothing changes in that time it will be a pretty stressing period.

Lynne

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Moving forward

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I've been waiting for some good news and it looked at one point today that my waiting was in vain.

I had hoped that my prospective landlord would have made his mind up by now but that hadn't happened. While I was with him, however, my daughter turned up and then a man with a van arrived. I asked about renting the van for Monday morning when I need to empty the flat and he asked where it needed to go so I suggested the large ground floor living room at the vacant property. That finally prompted the decision - the place is ours!

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Need advice new job possibility Manifest Solutions, central ohio, lgbt nondiscrimination? need to decide ASAP

Has anyone heard of Manifest Solutions and their LGBT non discrimination policy, I asked for their policy and this was the response. I want to know what their policy is, but I am afraid to ask specifically in case the paid internship leading to a job is withdrawn. I am not sure how to ask without tipping my hand so to speak, does anyone have any suggestions.

Hugs :)
Michelle

Equal Employment Opportunity and ADA

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Life's little ironies

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Life likes giving me little ironies.

Like today is my 5th anniversary of working for Walmart, and so every time I swiped my badge I got a "Happy Anniversary" message.

So why is that ironic?

Because today I also got my official walking papers saying my last day with Walmart will be Friday.

Ah, well.

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I feel guilty

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I feel like I owe my readers an apology. Its been more than a month since I published the last chapter of Mercy, and i cant even say I'm close to having the next one ready.

But pain, PTSD, gender dysphoria, and life stress have sapped my creativity totally, and so my progress has slowed to a crawl.

I'm so sorry.

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Day Off

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I'm taking the day off, going down to OC and maybe the beach or Downtown Disney.

Piper and Cat will be on and off and they can reach me on my phone. Have fun everyone!

Hugs,
Erin

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Crisis averted *Thank God*

Well everyone I'm back and as you might remember I lost my outline to my story Broken Phoenix(or so I thought) well it turns out I made a second copy of the file and stuck it on a thumb drive. Now I'm happy to announce that Broken Phoenix will actually be returning! No timeframe as of yet but it will be returning when I get back to writing it(which is right now actually)

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2016-05 (2) Pride and stuff

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Today is the annual Belgian Pride ( or 'Roze Zaterdag' ( 'Pink Saterday" ) for my generation and older > few namechanges for the event over the years). The focus this year is / was (day is almost over) transgender rights. Sadly enough I wasn't able to go. Especially since I used to volunteer year in / year out for it.

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Grrrrrrr!

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I am so close to committing murder I've had to sit down and scribble this to distract myself. I hung a line of washing out at 2.00pm at 4.00pm I notice my next door neighbour's tenant has lit a bonfire and is burning garden waste - it's like a scene from Sink The Bismark. I knew if I said anything and he answered back I'd be over the hedge and stuffing him on top of his stupid bonfire. He's a bit bonkers anyway but I shall speak to my neighbour when he comes back from holiday.

My washing is mostly dry but smells of smoke - bloody men(well some of them).

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How many people are you?

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As authors, if we are going to be any good, perhaps we learn to sort of "be" other people since we must develop characters as we write a story and most often our stories have more than one person in them. As I have been thinking about this, perhaps lots or even most T folk learn to be more than one person in our real lives and each of them are very real. Then I thought about a police officer who must be an authoritarian figure at work, and when he gets home he is dad, hey you, or some such.

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Movements

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The fingers have been back at the keyboard this week so I must be feeling a bit less stressed. Last weekend was just hell for me, one of the lowest places I've ever been. Anyway, pulled myself back from the brink, did the paperwork that the housing folks were demanding and it seems to have worked, sort of.

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I am in terrible pain

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I've reached a point where pain is a constant factor in my life.

Worse, regular pain medications are no longer nearly effective enough for me.

As soon as I can, I'm going to book a visit to my doctor, to see what other options are available, but in the meantime, prayers and hugs appreciated.

Oh, I am kinda blocked on Mercy right now, so I dont know when more is coming.

Sorry.

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Getting a bit nervous...

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Last Wednesday at work I was revamping office/store space where I work. I was short of breath the entire 5 hours. I wrote it off to being out of shape from having my left knee replaced in December and putting on some weight during recovery. My co-workers told me to go get checked out. Since I've been going to the gym twice a week (spending 1/2 hour on the rowing machine plus other stuff) I decided to see the doc thinking I might be coming down with bronchitis.

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New Girl in Town

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Dear friends.

Thank you for welcoming me into the community here.

Heather has been a secret part of me for a long time, even when she didn't have a name or when I tried out several names.

You know similar stories. Buy. Dress. Hide. Shame. Purge. Then start again at some point a while later.

I will admit to a sex addiction but I never wanted this persona to be about that. It gets too intertwined. Been doing ok with the addiction part but it's too easy to slip back in.

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2016-05

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Had my appointment with my psychiatrist today and walk away holding a box with 2 red diagonal bars on it. Wich will hold me for 20 days so way longer then the exams I'll be taking it for.

As of now money is tight (first month use my pension) and I don't see that that will change. Got about 60euro left for the rest of the month. *sigh* Good thing I'll probably have lesser bills next month ...

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Death in the Family...

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My friend, Jenn C who is one of our Author's here was with her Mom when she passed at 0449 this morning in Texas. Jenn C is now resting after taking care of getting her Mom picked up from home to a Funeral Home. Jenn informed me of what happened earlier this morning and asked me to post this information on the Transgender Trekkie's page on Facebook. I did so because Jenn is my First Officer on the USS Jorgensen, NCC 1952 and I am one of the Admin's for that page. I also posted to Jenn's Starwar's Transgender Fan Page.

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Been dormousing

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I've been helping with the field work on the Mammal Society's Dormouse and Conservation course. Basically, we, the helpers, assist the course participants in checking the nest boxes--showing them how to do it and making sure anything in them which could be a dormeece is kept in the box until everyone has a chance to see it. To do that we plug the hole with moss temporarily which has no effect upon the dormouse.

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Certificate of Change of Name

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In the matter of:, MacKinnon, William Bryan

I, Michael J. Carey, Register of Probate at the Hampshire Probate and Family Court, hereby certify that after application and after due public notice the following persons changed their name as follows:

from: William Bryan MacKinnon to: Brianna Frances MacKinnon
which shall now be their legal name

:)

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Weird dreams, and trying to write

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I have the weirdest dreams.

Like last night I dreamed I was at an event at the University of Alberta, and the person I was with caught a bus without me. I then wandered around for a while, saw a pretty girl, and kissed her for no good reason.

Then I apologized for kissing her.

There was more, but honestly, it was so jumbled I cant really make sense of it.

On the other hand, at least the fact I had a dream means I'm getting used to wearing the CPAP machine ...

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Cuteness overload

When the human world gets to be too much for me (which is most of the time, these days), I watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmf0KAHWlnk

Twenty minutes of pure bliss and contentment. Not a word is spoken, and yet they manage to say it all. If only I’d had parents like these? When my father gave me a licking, it never looked like this. If mom had this sort of patience and affection?

My eternal thanks to the clever folks who write video download software… :}

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2016-04 (2)

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Received my first pension payment yesterday. After the standard bills (mortgage, elec/water, internet/phone, pets, ...) I got about 155 a month for food and medical left. Can't count the tax return at the moment as it's going straight to school at the moment ( the little that's left to pay) and some 'end of the year bills' (healthinsurance, hosting, cloathing, ... ) and no clue for this and next year due to end of contract (2015) and out process (2016) payments.

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Bad Day +3

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It's been a little challenging since my last blog.

I had been waiting for an email back from the housing services lady and I sent a chaser email on Thursday morning, copied to a general inbox. With nothing heard I headed out just before midday. Only now did I receive an email reply asking if I had been to see the outreach officer in the local job centre. I queried this, given I had supplied all the documents requested. She insisted and said we would be thrown out of the hotel if I didn't.

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Bad Day +1

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So my situation isn't brilliant but the help is starting to happen, or at least tiny steps towards proper help.

My daughter had been allowed time off school this morning but it wouldn't have achieved anything o she went in and had breakfast in the canteen, the school has allowed free meals for her in the interim. As she didn't have access to her phone charger one of the staff arranged charging facilities. I had a job this morning, whilst it wouldn't be a priority it did generate some cash for the one hour I was there (idiot locked himself out of Windows 10 machine).

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Dayna okay after orchie

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Hi everyone.

Surgery went fine. It's been 6 hours since I was wheeled in. I'm not in and pain and I find that strange.

Hehe. Feels nice to be able to put my legs together without pinching things

They're keeping me overnight to check my breathing. Going home tomorrow morning.

Dayna

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Check two-four (times many, many days)

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Well, gee. . .

it has really been three years. Time flies when you really don't have much to mark its passing. Saw my name in one of the blog posts today. logged on to my account (took me three tries to remember the password!) to reply and saw I had two unread messages - both over a year old.

Unacceptable.

My sincere and heartfelt apologies for my inattentiveness. As a much younger man was taught to say, "No Excuse, Sir/Ma'am."

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Some good news on the job front

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Some good news on the job front.

I had an interview with the new cleaning company on Wednesday night, and they impressed me. Enough that if they offer me a position (they are supposed to be coming back Tuesday with the offers), I will take the offer

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So crazy, so insane

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Life is bigger, too bigger for me right now. Why is it that the "50 Shades" trilogy makes so much sense to me; that I see myself in Anna, Christian and his subbies? Why do I vainly hope for that good ending? Why do I inwardly "rage against the dying of the light"? I've been tasked with writing a letter, my final appeal to a group of men that I have little respect for, and further my friends ask me to not be insolent and sassy, and disrespectful. They tell me that even if this last effort fails, at least it will benefit those behind me.

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Hugs needed :(

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Can my life get any more hectic? College graduation is right around the corner, Moving houses with my boyfriend, finding work near the new house, and having a friend in the hospital! I'm at wits end and need some support. FYI Broken Phoenix is continuing, I just haven't had much writing time of late.

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I'm Back!

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I'm back for now, I'm living in a assisted living facility as almost died this last January and with the stroke I had three years ago this month I'm not doing real good. Then trying to log back on the system refused to accept the log-on info I had written down I had to start a new account. Richard

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Mixed Weekend

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Quite an active weekend despite I think having a continuing UTI which gets uncomfortable to painful at times and can be embarrassing as well especially if I don't make the loo in time. On Sunday which was a beautifully sunny and warm out of the cool breeze, I visited with a few others of the mammal group to one of the committee members garden which also happens to be a nature reserve. They have dormice in their hedgerow, which was why I was there along with the others hoping to see some.

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Strange dreams

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I've had a lot of "searching" dreams - dreams where I'm looking for a place, a person, or an object, but last night i had a slightly different version of those dreams.

I was at some kind of combination carnival and sporting event with my brother and some friends, and when we got to our seats for the game, I realized I was hungry, and so went looking for a concession stand.

There I met a man who knew me, and he took me into secret parts of the site, and then I won a carnival game, and he seemed kind of sad about that for some reason.

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Finally caved

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So I consider myself rather efficient in keeping healthy. I try to eat right, exercise (maybe too much). Sometimes I have issues sleeping, but it always seems to be "enough" when I get it. Over the years I've adopted too many feminine beauty regimens to register myself on the male side of the gender spectrum.

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tough day

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Tough day today. Worked very hard last night, then had a party for Samantha's birthday (because most of her friends couldn't come on Easter for her actual birthday), and it was a total struggle to not blank out at the restaurant due to pain setting off my PTSD.

Sighs ...

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