from Gods Own Country!

And what a few days its been

So last night, i had 2 very different dreams.

In the first, I was back in college, and was approached to take a seat on the Student Court as one of the judges. I told the person asking me that I was concerned about my grades, since I had struggled the previous semester, but I really didn't want to become that visible, as I had apparently planned to begin dealing with my gender issues by feminizing my appearance slowly.

I've had several medical professionals tell me this is the worst allergy season they've seen. The actually didn't have to tell me; I can feel it.

Also, for the first day or so after getting allergy shots (every two weeks) I feel very sluggish. I got my shots yesterday. Oog.

for the next week!

with a mini heatwave here in the UK!

and other late April doings

Several weeks ago, I added a quote to my signature line here; a quote which I remembered from my youth. A few people have inquired as to the origin of the quote, so I felt the need to explain it.

I was raised as a Lutheran - the church of my mother’s family, something for which I give thanks regularly. My father’s family were Baptists, and I give thanks that I was NOT raised in that church! It has been my experience that all churches have their share of hypocrites, but the percentage amongst the Baptists seems to be considerably higher, as does the number of assholes.

ha, you thought i was gonna lead with the weather, gotcha!

Been a rough couple of days, struggling with PTSD, Dysphoria, and worrying about my family as my mom has been struggling lately, and we still don't know what is going on with my brother.

Anyway, I am accepting hugs and prayers, if you want to send them my way.

I certainly hope not but there is a marked change in the weather today.

but 80% of what i hear you ask

An important part of transition is finding different ways to open up to the world and express yourself. And an important one for me is through my singing.

I started feminine voice classes in the fall of 2023. When my voice began to solidify and develop in early 2024, I tested it out by singing along with a variety of songs on YouTube. And my teacher encouraged me to do it as part of my voice training. Funding for those classes ran out. But I continued to practice and decided last fall to sign up for formal training at a local music school.

The YouTube story, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Am4KysOCHM, in the link is almost exactly the Gwen Brown story, "You Did What To Me". I hope that someone made some money on it. I did not.

Gwen Brown

It's been 5 months since I got to be Leeanna. I have longed to be female since I was around 4 years old and wondered why I couldn't wer pretty clothes and play with the girls. "Boys don't....." I was told. So this led to a double life. I married and had 3 boys. Now I feel it is too late and I would break too many hearts if I acted on my desires. I remain committed to my male life, which I don't hate. Who is to say I would have been happier living as a female? Back in the 1970's when grew up trans people were treated very badly.

Well that's what Winston Churchill called them, when, for whatever reason, you fall into a deep depression.

towards the end of the month

So last night, I dreamed I killed a man.

I was following him up some kind of tunnel or shaft, and it led to a rocky platform. I grabbed the man, and threw him off the platwform.

And since he landed face first on something hard a long way down, I figured he was dead.

weirdest part was I didnt seem fazed by the fact I had just killed.

I dont know if I wanna know why my brain came up with that dream . . .

Just a quick update:

My mom has generously let me borrow her computer, so I can check in more often.

Which I will keep brief!

just so no one panics, my computer is down, so I will not be online for a bit.

everybody take some huggles to keep you busy till I get back!

Yep, there's no doubt about it, we are on the cusp of Spring

So its dream time again!

Last night, I dreamed I got an opportunity to work in a school as a teacher's assistant.

So after walking around to get a feel for the layout of the school, I went to the office, only to find out the program I was part of had been canceled, and they really didn't know what to do with me.

So last night, I dreamed I was a superhero.

I had this gun that would stun someone without permanent damage.

I got summoned to join a group of other heroes facing off a group of villains.

I was doing well, when suddenly I was hit with a case of dysphoria so bad I could barely walk, and one of the other heroes half carried me to our target.

Dont ask me, folks.