We had a great Christmas Day at my daughter's house marred only by the fact that my grandson and his new wife were ill and couldn't make it. We got home shortly after 10 in the evening. I was just catching up on the goings on here on BCTS when the first power outage hit. It was a minute later that it came back. Not to unusual for my little town that only has two feed lines from the electrical grid. Then about five minutes later, we heard a loud boom and the lights went out. No doubt, a transformer blew.

So I planned to put on a dress for Christmas dinner at my brother and sister in laws place, when I got hit with a massive spike in anxiety. This makes twice in a row that I had so much anxiety about dressing up that I ended up giving up on it.

I have no idea where this anxiety is coming from, but for now at least, dresses and skirts are going to the back of my closet.

Ah, well. Merry Christmas everybody.

Being transgender is not a choice, but being a bigot is a choice.

The last few days have not been great for me. My spouse managed to ruin my holidays - something she has always been very adept at over the nearly forty years we have been married. Yesterday, the mail arrived as I was walking past our front door. You see, in my neighborhood, the mail carrier walks from house to house delivering incoming mail and picking up outgoing mail.

no cutlery of any kind. Not even any dishware. All I've got is an empty can of cat food, metaphorically. Now, not only am I cold all the time, I have a bloody cold. If I lay down, I have a hard time breathing - I have asthma - so I can't sleep very well. I can't wait for winter to be over. Shoot me now.

Yep, its time for some bike action from our tiny songbird!

Just a quickie that i thought i'd share.

Just to give you all an update, I paid half of the ticket I got for my expired tags and lack of a pink card, as well as getting both updated. To help me remember in the future, I arranged to get an email reminder about a month before my stuff expires next year.

I also got both my laundry and Sharon and Sams laundry done, so I am slowly catching up on the things I couldnt do until I got the car stuff taken care of.

While this is an expensive lesson, I am still upright, still able to drive, and best of all, I am still loved.

Due a scarcity of spoons I am just now sharing this for me very cathartic experience with you all, even though it happened late on Wednesday afternoon and into the late evening.

Yep, its just a day until i set off on my Weihnachtsmarkt adventure!

I've been out to my wife, kids and grandkids for a few years now, but my wife's extended family didn't know about my real self - until today. We went to my mother-in-law's for Thanksgiving, as she will probably not be around any more next year. It will be a blessing; she has dementia and is getting very near 100 years old. After talking with my niece, who lives with her and has known about me for a couple of years now, we felt that it would be OK to be me. With my wife's blessing, I went there as myself.

This post is more to give myself some closure before I move on to other avenues.

I want to publicly acknowledge that I am no saint, I burned my bridges one by one over the years.

Some things that happened that essentially made me public enemy #1 on BCTS I’ve never forgiven myself for being involved with.

well i blame Bert coming to visit!

make it up!

Since folks were asking about DarkKitten and me, I figured it was finally time that I broke my silence. I ask, as you read this, that you please bear in mind rule one. I firmly believe people are innocent until proven guilty, but, I also can't ignore the evidence, so, here goes.

many years ago, a man named Alvin Toffler wrote a book where he argued that the rate of technological change was going so fast, people could no longer adapt, and were suffering a form of culture shock, or as he put it Future Shock.

Since the book came out, the rate of technological change has only increased, and the effects have only gotten worse.

I believe this is one reason for the increase in popularity of movements that wish to slow, stop, or even reverse some of those changes.

so, I found out something interesting yesterday. I had spent a good part of the day walking, and to my delight my joints were not bothering me despite the cooling temperatures.

I assumed it was because of the weight I had lost, but last night, as my manic phase eased, the pain came back.

It makes sense, my manic phase is a lot like being drunk or being high, both known for blocking pain, I had just never made the connection before.

So, I think I set some kind of record today.

I managed to be both hyper and depressed at once.

I was pretty sure that wasn't possible, but I guess I underestimated my brain's ability to be terrible to itself.

Ah, well, just another adventure.

Okay, so last night I dreamed I was back in school, and we were going to be taught ballroom dancing.

But when it came time to partner up, I was left without one, and I got so angry at the realization I was never going to be anybody's choice, I yelled at the teacher, and then took a table that was bolted to the floor, ripped it out, and threw it, Hulk style.

Still accepting all hugs, prayers, and comments of support.

yep, its finally here, the last chapter of my Dad's life.

I just spent over an hour with internet problems at 3:00 AM PST.

Anyone else?

Was it the Russians? Was it the Chinese? Was it someone else?

?????

Ahabidah

so, two things happened to me last night. the first was I had a dream where I was trying to get back to my apartment, and somehow kept ending up on the wrong floor.

Second was I woke up, my clock said it was 8, and for a second, I couldn't figure out if it was 8 AM or PM.

It could be worse, but a little confusion isnt a fun way to start the day.