Despite being super sick today, I did get one bit of good news. One of the managers of the Walmart I work at told me he sent an email to my employer saying how good a job I'm doing.

So that's a yay ...

Another pain filled day, and I discovered I really walk funny. My right foot sometimes goes from side to side rather than say back to front or front to back, and when that's not happening my right leg is going in some completely other direction than my left one.

To make things even more stressful, I came home to discover my dog is limping quite badly too.

I have had a stressful week.

Issues regarding family (I cant go into details) have caused a great amount of sadness (and stress), Sharon has apparently injured herself and is currently not able to work, and two different news articles have really brought me down.

I have a question.

You know those symbols for male and female?

The ones that look like a circle with a cross below it (female) or a circle with an arrow pointing up at an angle (male)?

Does anybody know what they are actually called?

I'm just sitting here, having realized that if I hadn't sabotaged myself, I might have had totally transitioned by now.

By delaying my name change, I cost myself more than $ 4,000 which would have come in handy for paying off my car and putting myself in a position where even if i wasn't able to work for months after surgery I'd still be above water.

Ever manage to have a really good moment and a really bad one at the same time?

I managed that today.

I was doing my rounds, when I suddenly realized I couldnt see the keys I use on the job.

I panicked, and left my cart and ran to the men's bathroom, which was the last place I remembered using the keys.

I went inside, and a guy standing at the sink said, "Ma'am, I think you're in the wrong bathroom."

I turned interesting shades of red, retreated, and checked my cart again while waiting for the bathroom to be clear.

One of my favourite characters is a deep, loving man of fierce protectiveness and uncommon good sense. His name is Arwel Powell, and one of the best descriptions of him is as an iceberg, showing very little of the depth of his personality on the surface. He is based on a real person, a family member, and I found out today that the original for my character has just been given five months to live.

Words do fail me occasionally.

Well, maybe you should call me "the baby whisperer".

See. while I was doing my rounds, I heard a little girl crying. As we approached each other, I started talking to her in a soft voice about why she was sad.

She immediately stopped crying, and looked at me in shock.

Then, as her mother took her away, I could see the corners of her mouth go up as she was obviously trying to hide a smile ...

Stuff like that makes my days better, you know?

A few of you have asked in PMs, comments or eMails about my not-quite-so-fresh grand daughter, Bonnie.

So here's a pic of her.

Now you see why I am so proud, and why I make ever more frequent trips back to the UK.

There shall be another in December, maybe two weeks long this time, but back here in Switzerland for Christmas as Diana and I have to be on duty at the Hotel.

J.

Hi, I haven't posted something about myself in a while. The reason being that how I saw myself has changed dramatically.
I have realised that I am indeed fully transgender. I have come out to my wife and we are not a happy family right now.

I have been depressed lately to the point of not wanting to live anymore, which, I found out, is in my case quite a large step away from actually commiting suicide. But scary non the less.

(Photo: The Aberfan memorial at Bryntaf Cemetery by Stephen McKay courtesy of wikipedia).

1966 was not a good year for me, despite England winning the World Cup, it saw the Aberfan disaster happen and about two weeks later my father died, both were total surprises to the thirteen year old child that I was.

I have an idea what to do next for Mercy, but for it to work, I need a villain. I need someone to take offence at Faith for some reason, and do stuff (indirectly) to make her life more difficult.

Suggestions?

Well, I sent off my letter to the benefits company, so all I can do is wait and hope its enough to get them to reissue the check in my male name.

Meanwhile, I have a few other things I need to take care of - I have to book a physical with my doctor, and I need to get an appointment to see the PTSD therapist ASAP.

See, between pain and stress, I could really use some one to talk to about what happened to me so I can maybe slow down the number of flashbacks I'm having ...

I've arrived home safely. The Ferry from Santander to Portsmouth was great and as on the outbound trip was a flat as a millpond.

Thanks for all the kind words. My little accident could have been worse, much worse now that I think about it and reflect upon it.
I traveled just over 800miles on the trip (3 days riding) and averaged more then 60mpg (UK gallon).

So, for a very long time I have been too holy to drink, like ever.

Innocently I was on my way up to KFC to get my fat fix and I spied a little hole in the wall Italian Resurante. So, deciding that some culture could help cure my depression, I stopped and went in there. So, I had Pollo with mushroom sauce and pasta. YUM !!!! In a weak moment I had a pint of IPA beeer or ale or waht hever.

So, now I need to aks the qurestion. Can I posseblyt be intoxicated on a mere pint? Serouisly?

Oh, I gots soem tiramisu too, thinkin it mite sobr be up.

Well as they say, 'all good things must come to an end' and for me today, it did... well sort of..

I have been approached by Tenant Support Workers for my residence ( have to like supported housing ) asking me to low key assist a new trans woman that should have moved in yesterday ( or at least filled out papers ).

She is a refugee from the middle east, and has not had it easy at all. ( to the point men from the region are a serious issue for her )

That is all I know about her, what I need is ideas on how to interact with her to avoid triggering her issues as well as knowledge about how to interact appropriately with a woman of Islam.

Hi everyone,

As my transition continues (I went FT 7 Sep) it occurs to me that I don't want to be a stranger. There are so many me's in social media but I haven't connected the dots and, if something were to happen to me, I wouldn't want to be unknown here and have people wonder (if anyone would) where I went. I'd like people to know me, to remember me.

Today was my last day of regular employment. After 4 1/2 years with a very good company, I retired today.
I left school in '69 aged 15 and apart from 3 years as student I've been working ever since.
I am officially retired although it will be two years before I get my state pension.

I hope to be able to spend at least a bit more time writing.

Samantha

As I kinda fell into the "poor me" trap, let's rectify that by me posting my gratitude list.

My job - it isn't glamorous, but it gives me enough to keep a roof over my head and food in the fridge.

My family - they all may not agree with my transition, but they all love me.

my church - it means so much to have them in my corner.

My friends, both off line and online. You guys are awesome.

Well, I got some provisional good news.

I was able to get a hold of the company that handles Walmart's benefits, and I was told that if I send the check back with a letter saying why I couldn't cash it, I should be able to get one issued in my male name.

I'm calling this "provisional" because honestly, at this point, I'm not going to count this particular chicken until it hatches, as it were, and I have the money in my bank account ...

I keep talking about what is wrong with my life, but it bears mentioning what went well. A couple of weeks before the stroke I invited a woman into my home.she needed a safe-place I told her, she is now family. Seems we both needed a sister. She is Wiccan-Witch pun not intended, which I find fascinating. Did I mention it is my B-day? She is going above and beyond for me. Life can be funny, and good.

I am by nature an upbeat person am still amazed how friends I have made before the poo hit the fan.

I think I managed to find a place beyond pain today.

My knee was really hurting, then suddenly, it stopped, and instead felt numb, like it had fallen asleep.

Then the muscles around my knee started sending out this message of pain, exhaustion, and finally, they went numb too.

Like I had so much pain, my nerves just ... shut down.

I am gonna assume that's probably not good ...

Not really.
it only hurts when I try to sit.

bag 5 of saline solution. pitcher 6 of water and they still don't think I'm getting enough fluids. ( 4 cups of coffee, milk, apple juice as well. )

so sitting ( lying ) on the bed bored to tears. ( 25 minutes to load the my blog page here :\ )

not even allowed to walk on my own yet.