My mom has turned 89 years old today!

feel free to send hugs, I'll pass em along!

okay so yesterday, I dropped Sharon and Sam off at West Edmonton Mall, all good.

Then when I came back to pick them up, I forgot my phone, and therefore had no way to tell them where to meet up.

In an absolute panic, I ran into the mall, hoping I could find them, or at least find a customer service desk that could page them, and basically almost ran right past them.

so I got them home, everybody is fine, but I'm left with the fact that an almost impossible event happened to me, and its far from the first one.

waits for no man.

the last of 2026!

for my immediate family.

saw a respiratory specialist yesterday - basically they are trying to see how much my lung issues this year are playing a role in the fact my pulse wont slow down.

While we were talking, I gave her some details on my childhood, and she gave me The Look - the one that says "how the heck did you survive?"

When I get that question, I just shrug and say something like "just stubborn"

Sorry for the downtime, everyone!

Yesterday's PHP CVE was a very serious security vulnerability, and I wasn't about to take chances with BCTS.

The site should have been back online last evening, around 10 PM Eastern, but naturally, I ran into a few problems I wasn't expecting.

Because, of course I did.

And eventually... I went to bed.

So, after a wonderfully restful three hours of sleep, I got up, got the NinjaPotato off to school, and got right back to work.

there is a picture of Marilyn Monroe in a dress made out of a potato sack.

Apparently, the picture came about because some critic said that she had an unfair advantage in being beautiful because she had the best dress makers and designers making her clothes.

so she made the potato sack dress, to show that wasn't true.

Now, I have the reverse problem. you could get the best t, the best makeup team, you name it, and it wouldn't make me passible, much less pretty.

Still, one must do the best with what one has, yes?

With another apology

Just to let folk know I got back to GOC safely today.

My PTSD is working overtime - but with a twist. instead of replaying my abuse, its replaying the 2 biggest mistakes I have ever made.

It is . . . not pleasant, so hugs appreciated.

Yesterday, great morning, found one of those sweet spots where nothing poked or hurt for the morning. So get up, ready to take painkillers, reminds me, chemist should have delivered. So carefully down the stairs I go, nope, but a sorry we missed you card. Went to pick up card.....

Yeah.... bounce off 2 walls and land flat on my back. No leverage to get up or turn over. Oh Dear!

Hit alert button. It no work. Dearie me.

This is 12:15'ish.

There was a nor’easter coming, and I chose to prepare by wandering into the woods with my wife for a lesbian camping weekend.

As one does.

We went to Lezapalooza—Pooza—and somewhere between helping at the camp store, meeting more people than I could possibly remember names for, and watching a runway contestant dressed as boxed wine, I found something I wish were easier to find everywhere.

A place where I could be completely myself without being afraid.

This weekend has been variations of wet and miserable, all the way up to catastrophic and terrifying depending on exactly where you live. The early season Nor’easter sweeping up the Atlantic coast has inundated costal regions with rain, high winds, and tidal flooding driven by the storm winds and a full moon.

Been unwell, seriously, have cancer, in pain, life is.... not great.

But still alive, hanging in etc.

Just a quick update to pass the time.

has been triggered at Bell towers!

Oh how i miss the purveyors of such delights!

So last night, I dreamed I was being perused by 2 men, who were much taller than me.

I tried to run away, but I got cornered. I tried throwing snowballs at them, but they still kept coming.

Finally, I realized I had no choice, and I started fighting them.

But then something strange happened - I was winning.

Finally, I had them both down, and I told them I had been holding back, if they came after me again, they would get even worse.

Don't ask me, folks, I just get the dreams, I don't know the meaning of them.

the sequel!

Yep, Thor and his chums have messed with my plans once again.

but only temporarily!

If you saw my previous blog post you know I've been on an unplanned medical leave because of my vision problems. Recovery is going extremely well. I'm almost back to 100% again. In fact, there's really only one reason I haven't started posting again quite yet. I have an appointment this month for an experimental treatment (hopefully!)

one of my major problems is when I am either really manic or really depressed, I get ideas that seem to make perfect sense - until I get out of that phase, and I see them as they actually are.

When in manic, this often comes out in me overdoing things and not feeling the consequences at the time.

in depression, its mostly negative self talk - I get convinced I'm tolerated rather than liked, that I'm a pile of toxic sludge that only can hurt people who try and care about me.

so, an update, and its not good news;

my transition is a bad joke, my family is finally tired of me, and I think I broke my bank account and am not sure if I can fix the damage.

God doesn't need to send me to hell, I jumped into the pit on my own, and didn't even wait until I died to do it.